Self-Respect and Harmony

09/18/21 • 11 min

Self-respect and the ability to see our worth, is the aspect that enables us to cultivate harmony within ourselves. Having self-respect sets us up to have cordial and harmonious interactions with others. Without self-respect, chances are, we adopt a chaotic lifestyle.

“Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life — is the source from which self-respect springs.” Joan Didion

It occurred to me the other day that the reason I sometimes struggle to do the things I plan to do could be because I do not respect myself sufficiently. I am too familiar with myself and thus I can cut myself too much slack, as they say, familiarity breeds contempt. Come to think of it, why is it that most times we are quick to meet a deadline set by someone else but without serious discipline, we can easily forgo some deadlines we set for ourselves. This usually puts me in a rut of sorts, and the result is procrastination. I easily say “I will do this tomorrow...” and tomorrow could turn to many days later. Yet on the other hand, we take seriously deadlines set by others such as clients, bosses, leasing companies, our bills, public and private services that we seek etc

In other circumstances, we meet deadlines when we give our word or commitment to a friend, someone we respect, a co-worker or an acquaintance. We strive to put our best foot forward to keep our word since our reputation is on the line. Failing to meet these deadlines can be detrimental to our reputation. It can go to show whether we are reliable or not.

I think when I respect myself, then I will make every effort to meet the commitments and deadlines I give myself. In my view, this leads to harmony within and harmony with those around me since I will keep to the commitments I make.

I think the way you carry yourself illuminates your way and ensures others respect you too for who you are and what you stand for. Ideally, the worth you place on yourself, has lots of bearing on how others perceive you and treat you. It is akin to this story told of the blind man with a lamp. There lived a blind man in a small town. This man, even though he could not see, he carried a lamp with him whenever he went out at night.

One night, when he was going back home after dinner, he met a group of young travellers. They could see he was blind, but were puzzled by the fact that he was carrying a lamp. They started questioning him and making fun of him. One of them asked him “hey man, how come you are carrying a lamp yet you are blind and do not need it?!”

The man answered “Yes I am blind and I don’t see anything, this lamp is for people like you who can see. You may not see me coming and may end up hitting me and pushing me off the path. That is the reason I carry the lamp.” The group of young travellers was ashamed of their behaviour and apologized to the man.

When you are in a place where your self-respect and your worth is valued and shines, then it enhances harmony within yourself and harmony with those around you.
Self-respect is protective to us. It ensures that we are not shaken by the views of those who do not perceive our worth or value. Consider what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said “He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.”
There is no harmony without self-respect. No harmony without seeing the value you bring to society, your family, your friends and the people around you. When one does not see their worth and lacks self-respect in an increasing measure, they can easily descend into a chaotic lifestyle. For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should have self-respect, we should know our worth and the value we bring. As Robert Holden said “Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

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“Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life — is the source from which self-respect springs.” Joan Didion

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/harmony-deconstructed-podcast/donations

Previous Episode

The Elegance of Trust

There is a tension that exists in trust. When one trusts blindly, they stand a chance of getting hurt, when one gets hurt, trusting again becomes difficult. Yet we cannot live without trusting ourselves, others and the systems that have been put in place to make life much easier and possible.

“There are indeed times when one should trust blindly, just as there are times when one should not. Wisdom consists in being able to tell one from the other.” Daniel Quinn

We exercise trust often. We trust systems that have been put in place for the usual operation of things. For instance, rarely do you find anyone checking the credentials of a driver before boarding an Uber, a taxi, a bus or a train. Also seldom does anyone check the pilot’s credentials before boarding a plane. We usually go by trust. Trust that the system that enabled them to occupy those seats have done the job of ensuring they are trustworthy. Of course no system is perfect and there are occasions where untrustworthy or less qualified individuals take such positions, but generally, we trust that the systems that be, will ensure a qualified driver, a qualified pilot etc will occupy that important seat to take us to our destination. This application of trust applies to different spheres of life in varying degrees, but in essence on a daily basis, we interact with others and enterprises on the basis of trust. Warren G. Bennis said “Trust is the lubrication that makes it possible for organizations to work.”

Our level of trust can be observed and built as we interact with others and utilize resources at our disposal that may belong to others. I suppose each action we take casts a vote as to whether we are trustworthy or not. Whichever of those two sides you fall today, is the culmination of the many trustworthy or untrustworthy interactions or actions you have done thus far. It is notable what the Scriptures say “Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot, and whoever is dishonest with a little is dishonest with a lot. If you cannot be trusted with worldly riches, then who will trust you with true riches? And if you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” Luke 16:10-12. If you think about it, these are very interesting questions and perspectives that can help us to gauge how trustworthy we are at present.Consider what George David Miller said “Trust becomes solidified when words consistently back up by deeds.”

Clearly, being trustworthy is beneficial to us, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.” The opposite is also true, if we treat others without trust, it may come back to bite us. It is like this story told of a farmer and a baker. Once upon a time, there lived a farmer and a baker who did business with each other. The farmer sold a pound of butter to the baker everyday and the baker sold a pound of bread loaf to the farmer. Soon, they had a good bond and became friends. One day, the baker suspected that the farmer was cheating him and that he didn’t give him a pound of butter, so he decided to weigh the butter to see if he was actually getting the right amount.

When he measured the butter, he found that he was not getting the right amount of butter from the farmer. This made him very angry and so he decided to take the poor farmer to court.

When the judge confronted the farmer with the accusation, the farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I had been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Everyday when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter.” If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.

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Next Episode

Discipline Precedes Harmony

Discipline is inevitable if one is to achieve harmony. Wherever you see harmony and inspiration, the underlying story is one that consists of discipline.

“Everything in the world is conducted by a gradual process. This seems to be the great principle of harmony in the universe.” William Godwin

I suppose there are two kinds of discipline, self-discipline and discipline enforced by an outside force, examples being parents, the State or authorities, God.
Discipline is observable in nature. Observing nature in light of discipline you can see the best portrayal of what Elbert Hubbard said: “Self discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.” – Look at the sun, the moon and the stars in the sky above. They are always shining and going about their course whether it is cloudy or not. They keep to their set patterns day in day out. This in many ways keeps the harmony and steadiness of conditions that allow for life to be possible on earth.

Think also of the mother hen, who after laying several eggs, has to sit on them to provide warmth and other requirements for them to hatch. The brooding process takes 21 days before the eggs hatch. The hen becomes disciplined to sit in that one spot (though I remember observing that the hen would take breaks but not for long) for all those days for the eggs to hatch. Without this kind of discipline, the eggs would not hatch. And I am certain this kind of discipline is present in many other creatures to enable them to survive and thrive.

I think one of the most beautiful moments is watching military parades during ceremonies. They are spectacular in fashion, everything is done in precision, rhythm and harmony. I think it is impossible to achieve this kind of precision and harmony without immense discipline. It is no wonder they are referred to as the disciplined forces. So clearly the harmony we see at the end, is the result of countless hours of disciplined practice and lifestyle. There can be no harmony in their marching without discipline.

In an Article titled Standards and Discipline, An In-depth Look at Where We Once Were and Where We Are Now, Command Sgt. Maj. Shelton R. Williamson gives a reflection about the history of the US Army. He writes “ As the standards and discipline of units improved, so did the success of the American Army eventually leading to victory over the British. As our Army continued to mature and take on a larger role across the globe, standards and discipline would become the very core that would separate our Army from other fighting forces around the world; often viewed by other countries as the “Gold Standard” of an Army with respect to standards and discipline. The other armies often looked at how we marched in formation, how we were consistently in the same uniform, and how strong and tactically savvy our leaders were. All of these spoke to our standards and discipline.”

He quotes George Washington, the first General or leader of the American Army, who once said “Discipline is the soul of an Army, it makes small numbers formidable; procures success of the weak and esteem to all.”

Just as discipline is crucial in the harmonious and successful operations of an army, so is it for us as individuals. We must embrace discipline to achieve success and harmony in our lives.

For us to live an inspired harmonious life, we should embrace discipline. Just as there is no shortcut to the top of a tree, there is no shortcut to achieving harmony in life, we have to adopt discipline, to keep at it day in and day out. If for some reason we encounter a set back, we pick ourselves up from where we fell and keep moving forward.

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