Grief Stories

Maureen Pollard interviews Russ about his experience in losing his son to stillbirth. Russ talks about how it happened at 8 months into the pregnancy meaning his wife still had to go through labor, the process of which took over a day, and how hard it was to watch her: "from my eyes, to see her go through that and to know there is no joy at the end of this". They discuss how one of the biggest challenges for him after the loss was 'being a man' because there's an expectation for men to get over things quickly, but how it was a challenge to keep going, losing friends along the way because many did not know how to listen to him talk about his loss of a child. They also discuss how his other son is his saviour, forcing him to get up every day and keep living, and how Russ found comfort in nature, through planting a garden with plants that bloomed around his son's birthday.

Maureen Pollard interviews musician and music therapist Adrienne Pringle about music, grief, and the ways people can use music to explore and express emotion, particularly during their grieving process. "There's always that 'aha' moment, that realization, and for some people it's thinking 'well I need to be a musician, I need to be able to play something and if I don't have those skills then this isn't for me' and that just isn't true. Music can actually be a really helpful resource to anyone: using it for mindfulness, for finding inner calm ... using your voice even."

Maureen Pollard interviews Holly and Murray about a music program that was run for staff at a transitional shelter. This was the pilot for the Songwriting for Wellness program, which has recently launched through Toronto Songwriting School. "One of the most fulfilling developments for us in recent years has been creating songwriting programs for groups of people who have experienced loss or trauma. To formalize the program, Murray Foster has teamed up with social worker Maureen Pollard to create Songwriting for Wellness, providing programs for professionals in high-stress, trauma-exposed workplaces, and workshops for those who have experienced loss or trauma, and those in marginalized groups." You can learn more at songwritingforwellness.ca/

Maureen Pollard interviews John D. Martin, author of I Can't Stop Crying and Help Me I Hurt, about grief. "Grief is so much bigger than I had imagined. It doesn't work very well with a formula, it's important to pay attention to what each person is telling you. I think something that I learned probably over the last 5 years is that emotional pain is every bit as significant as physical pain and yet we don't give it nearly as much credence or credibility or spend nearly as much time and energy towards it." You can find John's books here: www.goodreads.com/author/list/26155.John_D_Martin

Maureen Pollard interviews Vicky about losing her husband to myeloma, after surviving prostate and bladder cancer. They discuss the challenge of not having a cancer clinic where they lived, meaning they had to for drive hours back and forth for treatment. They spent so much money on hotels that they ended up having to leave their home and move closer to the clinic, adding an additional struggle of maneuvering their new apartment stairs in his state of illness. She talks about how her physical and mental health was affected as his health deteriorated, but she could still only see him with love and hope. "He's in the hospital and, this is before he died, and I stopped eating when he stopped eating. I lost 30 pounds, I wouldn't even get up to go seek water, all I could do was hold his hands and break down. And, he was so strong you know ... He wasn't getting better and I did not see that. I look at pictures now and I see how ill he was, but it's true when you look at someone through the eyes of love you don't see the illness, all you see is that beautiful face that you adore. My husband was everything to me, I mean our story was a love story." They also discuss how her friend Karen took her in after she lost everything (her home, her husband, and her own will to live) and how the Universe brought her a new friend who understood what she was going through. Both of these women lifted her up and helped her through the darkest time in her life, as did a song that her husband wrote while he was sick which you can listen to here (performed by John Sharkey): http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1715659192?ls=1&app=itunes