Grief Out Loud

When Jessica Schaffer's partner of 25 years, Patrice, died in March of 2021, she found herself untethered. In the early days of grief, Jessica went within, needing to find her orbital pattern in this new solar system without Patrice. During this time she also germinated seeds of creativity. Seeds that were planted by Patrice when she gifted Jessica an iPad, just days before she learned she was dying. In the fall of 2021, Jessica picked up the iPad and started drawing. This process inspired her to start The Chrysalis Imagery, a company where she offers a line of greeting cards and other inspired imagery.

In this conversation we discuss:

• What is was like to midwife Patrice through her dying process
• How the early days of grief felt
• The image that came to Jessica soon after Patrice died
• How creativity changed everything
• The ways their dog Kirby grieved
• Jessica's hopes for The Chrysalis Imagery

Jessica on IG - @thechrysalisimagery and Facebook - @thechrysalisimagery

Lingering. Shivering. Simmering. Splintering.

These are the words DJ Arsene Versailles wrote to describe grief after his mother, Florcie Yves Versailles, died of COVID-19 in May of 2020. This grief was and continues to be layered - as most grief is - and some of these layers are specific to his mom being a Black woman who died during a pandemic, of a disease that has come to be so much more than just a medical diagnosis.

DJ's mom was committed to social justice and this inspired him to do similar work in the wake of her death. After meeting Kristin Urquiza, co-founder of Marked by COVID, he became involved in their effort to establish a COVID Memorial Day.

Listen to DJ's interview with Sarah Betancourt. Learn more about Marked by COVID.

Meghan Riordan Jarvis, LCSW, is a trauma-informed psychotherapist with over 20 years of clinical experience who harbored the same secret wish. A wish which imploded when her mother died in 2019, just two years after her dad died of cancer. While Meghan’s training and clinical acumen didn’t prevent her from experiencing grief, they did enable her to recognize when she started to develop PTSD – post traumatic stress disorder – and that she needed additional help.

In our conversation, we talk about: - What was different about grieving after her father’s death vs. her mother’s. - How she recognized the signs of PTSD and the treatment she sought out. - The concept of “meaning making” and how it’s important to clarify what types of meaning are supportive and which can be harmful.

In addition to being a trauma therapist, Meghan is a fellow grief podcaster and her show is called Grief Is My Side Hustle. Her memoir is due to be out in the world in 2023.

Grief is My Side Hustle website Grief is My Side Hustle podcast @meghan.riordan.jarvis on IG @griefismysidehustle on Fbook

Adam Stevens, RDT, (he/they), knows grief. He grew up in a family of five. A family that is now a family of one. Adam brings this deep knowing of grief to his work as the Program Manager for Bereavement and Mental Health Services at the Hetrick-Martin Institute (HMI), where he supports primarily BIPOC queer & trans youth in transforming grief & the pain of loss through creative arts therapy.

We talk about:

• How Adam came to work with grief & loss.
• What Drama Therapy is.
• Adam's work at Hetrick-Martin Institute supporting LGBTQIA+ youth in being seen and heard in their grief.
• The collective losses the youth they work with experienced through the COVID pandemic.
• The multi-faceted intersection of queer identity and grief.
• How Adam's personal grief has changed through this work.

Learn more about the Hetrick-Martin Institute and follow them on IG & Fbook.

Note: this episode mentions suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling. Please reach out for support. Crisis Text Line: text HELLO to 741741 The Trevor Project: text START to 678678 (for LGBTQ youth) The Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860

Colin Campbell is a lot of things - writer, husband, friend - but the role he identifies with most is being a father. So, when his two teenage children, Ruby & Hart, were killed by a drunk driver in 2019, Colin was lost and terrified. Who was he without his kids? How would he survive the intensity of grief? Soon after their deaths, well-meaning friends and family would say, "There are no words," but for Colin, this phrase wasn't comforting. It left him feeling more alone because what he really needed were words. Words so he could talk about Ruby & Hart. Words to help articulate his pain. And words from others who shared what they remembered and missed about his children. Colin's book, Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss With Hope and Purpose, outlines the words and actions that helped him stay close to Ruby & Hart while learning to live in a world without them.

Topics in our conversation:

• How Colin continues to honor and remember Ruby & Hart
• The rituals and routines that were helpful in the early days of grief
• How Colin navigates guilt and anger
• Learning to lean into the pain
• Finding ways for joy to live alongside grief
• The myth that the death of a child leads to divorce
• How Colin continues to embody being a father

Colin's article in The Atlantic - What Losing My Two Children Taught Me About Grief