76: Duchess Kate and Prince Williams disastrous royal train tour

Explicit content warning

12/13/20 • 30 min

Intro: Minutes 0 to 5:30 We’ll have one more episode out next week, on December 20th, then we’re taking two weeks off for the holidays. I’ve been watching How It’s Made videos on YouTube and find them soothing. Chandra self soothes with dog and cat videos and loves watching videos of dogs greeting soldiers.

Royals: Minutes 5:30 to 18 Will and Kate’s big three day royal train tour lasted less than 48 hours. Last week I went off on Kate for her dumb five insights but this was so much worse. They traveled around to countries where travel is limited during the pandemic, didn’t wear masks consistently and interacted with other maskless people. The Scottish First Minister was terse when asked about their visit. The Cambridges may have known it would be politically controversial because they were in and out of Scotland quickly. The Welsh health minister, Vaughan Gething, was more direct though. Will and Kat didn’t announce an itinerary at least so there weren’t crowds to meet them.

Minute 9:00: The Downing Street spokesperson wouldn’t comment at first about the tour but then they issued a sugary statement praising them. Chandra thinks Boris Johnson wanted something to deflect from Brexit. We think this is Will and Kate’s idea because it’s hard to convince them to do work. I play a segment from Zoom where Zakia, Karen, Courtney, Rhiannon and Ameerah talk about this.

We agree with our friends’ points that they could have done so much more with that tour, like distributed PPE, gifts and food to people or highlighted specific groups, causes or workers. They’re not even modeling mask-wearing. The tour was estimated to cost over 100,000 pounds just for the train.

User Feedback: Minutes 23:30 to 25 Thanks MLE and Tanisha for your nice tweets about the last podcast. Lucy2, Belli and LaUnica Angelina liked Chandra’s story about her cat giving her bangs.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 25:00 to My comment of the week is from Detritus on the post about The Queen’s head housekeeper quitting because the other staff refused to sacrifice their entire holiday for her. Chandra’s comment of the week is from Heather C on the post about Brooklyn Beckham changing careers from being a photographer to a model.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

User Feedback: Minutes 23:30 to 25 Thanks MLE and Tanisha for your nice tweets about the last podcast. Lucy2, Belli and LaUnica Angelina liked Chandra’s story about her cat giving her bangs.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Previous Episode

75: Duchess Meghan's powerful essay, Duchess Kate’s pie chart, Prince Charles hates The Crown

Intro: Minutes 0 to 7:45 I am feeling unsettled but Chandra is having a good week. Chandra’s kitten-ish cat has been grooming her and biting her hair off. She noticed a big piece of her hair missing like she had side bangs. My hair has been falling out.

Royals: Minutes 7:45 to 21:45 I say we need a good scandal and Chandra mentions the Larsa Pippen story, which didn’t get much traction on our site. When we were taking a break, Duchess Meghan published a powerful essay in the New York Times revealing that she’d had a miscarriage in July. It was called The Losses We Share and came out the day before Thanksgiving. She was careful not to give too many details and it was moving. She also didn’t focus on herself much and turned it around to the issue of mental health and asking people if they’re ok. Chandra thinks Meghan got less negative press for revealing her miscarriage because she waited so long to talk about it. Meghan’s miscarriage happened around the time Finding Freedom came out. We don’t think Harry and Meghan told Harry’s family around the time it happened because it would have leaked to the press. I pay a segment from Zoom where Karen, Ameerah, Zakia and Sara talk about this.

Minute 14:00: Duchess Kate announced the results of her really laughable five question online survey of children’s early years, which was conducted in late January before the pandemic. She released what they called “five big insights” from that but they were also drawn from another British survey of over 3,700 people conducted during the pandemic. There were several cutesy videos put out ahead of a five minute video of Kate speaking, which seemed to serve little purpose except to show she cared about this topic and was doing work. I love this line that Chandra wrote: “This is the crux of so many issues centered in Kensington Palace: their Trumpian need to tell instead of show, even when the telling is so plainly false.” The goalposts and nature of this work keep changing. I play a segment from Zoom where Lisa, Sara and a bunch of us clown on Kate.

Minute 21:45: Prince Charles and Clarence House keep bringing more attention to The Crown by continually complaining about it. British Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden called for Netflix to put a disclaimer before the show that it’s fiction. Chandra says this is obviously all coming from Charles and that it’s telling how they’re nitpicking the details and not denying the broad strokes. I play a segment from Zoom where Karen, Ashley, Rhiannon and Tanisha talk about this.

Politics: Minutes 27:30 to 33:30 Since we last talked, The Biden transition was finally authorized, but Trump is still clinging to his idea that there was voter fraud, even though his Attorney General Bill Barr has said there wasn’t. They’re having hearings in Michigan which are carried by OANN and are just a bunch of white people making unfounded accusations. We laugh about that crazy drunk woman testifying with Giuliani. It’s thought that Trump is going to fire Barr for daring to state the truth that there wasn’t voter fraud.

Trump is said to be considering preemptively pardoning his kids and Rudy Giuliani. Chandra thinks that Ivanka and Jared are the most likely to get preemptive pardons.

There’s currently a justice department investigation into a potential bribe for a presidential pardon. The documents were released with the names redacted so it’s unknown who it is. Chandra thinks it could be Ghislaine Maxwell.

Melania did the final White House Christmas decorations and they look normal. She looks so happy and relieved lately. Chandra thinks Melania might invite Jill Biden once the electoral college votes.

User Feedback: Minutes 33:30 to 35 Loren on Twitter tweeted a photo of her Spotify wrapped showing she’d listened to NINE episodes of us in one day, which is crazy and thank you Loren! Renata in Brazil sent us a nice email.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 35 to 38 My comment of the week is from Trillion on the post where Ozzy Osbourne says he’s not going to cheat on Sharon anymore. Chandra’s comment of the week is from Belli on the post about Helena Bonham Carter saying there should be a disclaimer before The Crown.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Next Episode

77: Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry announce podcast, Duchess Kate covers People, Our favorite stories of the year

Intro: Minutes 0 to 5 We’ll be off for two weeks and will be back with a new episode on January 10th. Chandra is doing well in lockdown, but it’s making me even more cynical than normal. Chandra is excited for the Moderna vaccine approval and we both have hope we’ll be able to get vaccinated by spring.

Royals: Minutes 5:00 to 21:15 Harry and Meghan announced their new podcast on Spotify, Archewell Audio, on Tuesday. Before that they meted out the news expertly so that the press would freak out over that and wouldn’t have as much energy to focus on their podcast. Meghan did a video for CNN Heroes over the weekend thanking people who address food insecurity in their communities. Plus she invested in a woman-owned startup, Clevr Blends, and sent her neighbor, Oprah, a gift basket with their latte and matcha mixes. The royal reporters got in such a frenzy about that and were oddly silent when the news of the podcast came out. I play a segment from Zoom where Karen, Ameerah and Tanisha talk about this.

We first heard in September that Harry and Meghan were going to do a deal with Spotify and now it’s come to fruition. There’s a lot of speculation about how much they got paid for it. I play a segment from that where they’re flirty with each other. I play a segment from Zoom where Laura, Ameerah, Tanisha and Karen talk about the new podcast.

The Cambridges went to a charity event and show called Pantoland for the children of essential workers. Will and Kate weren’t wearing masks on the red carpet, like the other guests and volunteers, but did wear them inside. They did a bizarre voiceover for a video about the event. It was very typical of them in that they were centering themselves when they should have been honoring frontline workers.

This week Kate is covering People Magazine in a completely ridiculous profile that’s very similar to the cover story People ran after her Tatler puff piece backfired this summer. The piece is offensive because it barely acknowledges how privileged she is and how much help she has.

Our favorite stories of the year: Minute 21:15 to 38:15 The top 20 most commented posts this year are all royals stories. Some of these are smaller stories that are mostly fun for us. Chandra mentions the outing of Lea Michele. She loved covering it because so many of Lea’s costars and collaborators spoke out against her.

Minute 25: Katie Holmes hooked up with celebrity chef Emilio Vitolo over the summer. Chandra loves how extra they were, making out and taking joy rides for the paparazzi. Her favorite story was one from Page Six which said Katie wasn't very deep. At least Katie and Emilio always wore masks.

Minute 28: In October, Trump got covid after playing it down, going maskless and not social distancing. The drama over the announcement and then Trump’s behavior afterwards was outrageous. Chandra thinks that the spike in covid cases in mid and late November was tied to Trump’s superspreader rallies.

Minute 30: Chandra has two favorite royal stories. Her first was the Sussexes’ “you coulda had a bad bitch” farewell tour in March.

Her other favorite story was the insane Tatler profile of Duchess Kate, which first came out in late May. The first excerpt sort-of sounded positive about Kate, but the quotes were double-edged. Additional quotes were even shadier. Chandra thinks that the Cambridges authorized people to speak on their behalf but that Tatler turned it around on them.

The Cambridges started denying the piece and issued a statement that “This story contains a swathe of inaccuracies and false misrepresentations which were not put to Kensington Palace prior to publication.” However Tatler stood by the story and called the royals out!

Richard Kay in the Daily Mail had a whole point-by-point rebuttal of the piece that made it worse and managed to confirm so many details! Then Kate and William threatened legal action against Tatler and Tatler called them out again!

In September, four months after the piece came out online and in print, Tatler first removed a section referring to Prince Williams’ alleged mistress, Rose Hanbury. People theorized that the story was Rose and her friends’ revenge against Kate. A couple of weeks later they removed more parts referring to Kate as a “top CEO” and shading her family. In June, People Magazine ran a cover story about how hard Kate works. It was just a sugary repackaged version of the Tatler story.

The royals responded to The Crown just like they responded to the Tatler story, they confirmed details and brought more attention to them while denying them.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 38:15 to 41 My comment of the week is from Rapunzel on the post about Vladimir Put acknowledging Biden’s win before Mitch McConnell did. Chandra’s comment of the week is by Summerlover on the post about Will and Kate’s bizarre Pantoland video.

Thanks for listening bitc...