Ep. 4: Two Cavernous Buttcracks in a Pant-Based Eatery

Explicit content warning

10/13/20 • 68 min

Alice has an existential crisis and considers a career change into the audiobook narration industry. Doug can’t remember when he last hugged someone, and it’s slowly murdering him. They finally learn what gluten is. This week’s episode gets real, y’all.

Other discussion topics may include:

An examination of very important world records, such as cucumber eating

Vegan treats and the accidental ASMR that accompanies them

A celebration of their millions of listeners*

The anal retentiveness and inventiveness of the elderly

Their first ever game, full of impressions, trivia, and one artificial orgasm

*an educated estimate

Other discussion topics may include:

An examination of very important world records, such as cucumber eating

Vegan treats and the accidental ASMR that accompanies them

A celebration of their millions of listeners*

The anal retentiveness and inventiveness of the elderly

Their first ever game, full of impressions, trivia, and one artificial orgasm

*an educated estimate

Previous Episode

Ep. 3: Two Hard Snacks in a Panty-Filled Vending Machine

On this episode of To Outsmuck a Smucker, Doug channels his best Orson Welles and reads a diary entry from The Uncrustables -- a neo-noir adapted from a gothic novel. Alice accompanies with some questionable impressions of Crustopher Walken and Jammy Stewart. They also decide to adopt a baby cow, name her Maddie, raise her for eighteen months, then take her out for ribs. Wait. Her ribs? Or just ribs?

Other discussion topics may include:

Ice(landic s)cream therapy

See-through lavatories and other provocative rooms

Consuming food both meant for and emitting from animals

Shower Sandwiches with Anna Kendrick

Honestly, they really just talk about Uncrustables for, like, six hours.

[Allergy Warning: Contains gluten, dairy, eggs, and well-meaning yet ultimately misleading information about Temple Grandin]

Next Episode

Ep. 5: Three Safe Words in a Bed of Nails Sandwich

The dastardly duo contemplate getting matching tattoos after a series of unfortunate events: Doug regrets investing in artisanal beads; Alice pines after an unattainable hurdy-gurdist in Winnipeg; they welcome Josh Weiland to the poo’dcast but somehow don’t make any 3-way jokes.

There’s also legit information about the Extra Life gaming fundraiser to benefit Riley Hospital for Children. How about a tattoo commemorating 25 hours of non-stop gaming together. They’ll definitely...not want to remember that.

Other discussion topics may include:

Pumpkin Addiction: The Unspoken Pandemic

A thorough examination of Deep V's

Places to find beef, including perceptive listeners

The apparently difficult art of sandwich making

Anne and Lisa: A Tale of Two Franks