The Friendship That Weathered My Personal Life Crisis (Kim)

06/04/24 • 60 min

Frientimacy: Finding Our Way to More Fulfilling Friendships

Shasta and Kim were colleagues and couple friends . . . then Shasta called her crying out of the blue. She’d had an affair, a divorce, and had been fired from her job. But while other friends and colleagues pulled away, judged, and disappeared, Kim and Shasta only grew closer. In today’s episode, the two unpack how Shasta’s personal crisis affected her friend and how their friendship survived when many of Shasta’s relationships did not. Kim divulges the confusion she felt at Shasta not telling her sooner, and how others questioned her decision to stay friends with someone who’d had an affair. They talk about shifting from couple friends to developing a one-on-one friendship after Shasta’s divorce. They also reveal how the experience helped them build their friendship now—one in which they can tell each other everything and endure any and every season of life together.
In this episode, Shasta and Kim answer the questions:

What did it feel like watching a friend go through a crisis?
What happens when your “couple friends” divorce? Can you stay friends, and how will the friendship change?
How do you support friends who are going through hard times?
How do you support friends who’ve made bad decisions?
How can you create a “safe space” within a friendship, in which you can share anything without judgment?
How can you keep your friendships intact and thriving when you’re personally struggling?

Resource Links:

Take the Frientimacy quizzes: Positivity Quiz, Consistency Quiz, Vulnerability Quiz
Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:

Join Shasta’s mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming episodes, friendship coaching, trips, and more: https://www.shastanelson.com/mailing-list.
Connect with Shasta on her other platforms:

Shasta on Instagram

Shasta on YouTube

Shasta on Facebook

Tell us what you think about this episode.

What did it feel like watching a friend go through a crisis?
What happens when your “couple friends” divorce? Can you stay friends, and how will the friendship change?
How do you support friends who are going through hard times?
How do you support friends who’ve made bad decisions?
How can you create a “safe space” within a friendship, in which you can share anything without judgment?
How can you keep your friendships intact and thriving when you’re personally struggling?

Resource Links:

Take the Frientimacy quizzes: Positivity Quiz, Consistency Quiz, Vulnerability Quiz
Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:

Shasta on Instagram

Shasta on YouTube

Shasta on Facebook

Tell us what you think about this episode.

Previous Episode

Frientimacy: Finding Our Way to More Fulfilling Friendships - A First Look

Welcome to “Frientimacy: Finding Our Way to More Fulfilling Friendships” —the show that reminds us through shared stories and research-backed teaching that friendships, while they may not always be easy, that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it.
My name is Shasta Nelson and I’ve been researching, coaching, speaking, and writing books about our friendships for 15 years. With over 60% of us feeling lonely, and even more of us dissatisfied with our current friendships– the approach we’re taking to our friendships clearly isn’t working.

Starting on June 4th, and every Tuesday through the summer, I’m going to release a new episode where we’re going to journey through some of the biggest obstacles to our friendships– busy-ness, jealousy, neglect, hurt feelings, feeling like we don’t have anything in common anymore. But I’m not just going to teach us how to navigate it, I’m going to invite one of my real-life friends to come talk about one of those issues we’ve had to deal with in our own friendship. Yes, we’re going there. We’re bringing up hard conversations and hurt feelings we’ve experienced– first so you know you’re not alone in realizing that friendships are sometimes disappointing or exhausting, but second, so we can learn from each other as I’m going to be asking questions like “What did it feel like to be you in that situation? What was the hardest part of that? What do you wish I had done differently?”

No one wants to hear that friendships can be hard work... and yet, much like how physical health is on the other side of physical exertion, so, too is our social health on the other side of some relationship sweat.

If you’re ready for deeper, closer, and more supportive relationships in your life, if you want relationships that feel intimate, safe, and fulfilling– Frientimacy is for you.

You can listen on Spotify, Apple podcasts or wherever you prefer to find your podcasts.

Tell us what you think about this episode.

Next Episode

The Friendship Wearied by Low Self-Esteem and Fear of Rejection (J’Leen)

After a girls’ weekend, Shasta returned home feeling drained—her friend J’Leen seemed to often take things personally and question how accepted she was in the group. Again, they’d spent much of their time together reassuring her to no avail. Today, Shasta and J’Leen explore how J’Leen’s fears of rejection and abandonment developed, how her attempts to shield herself from potential rejection led to actual rejection, and what triggered her fears. They also consider how it feels to be on the other side, trying to love someone who cannot see or feel it. Finally, they reveal how J’Leen learned to become her own best friend, and how her journey of personal growth and self-awareness transformed her life and relationships.In this episode, Shasta and J’Leen answer the questions:

How can a fear of rejection and/or fear of abandonment develop?
How does it feel to be a friend to someone with a fear of rejection / fear of abandonment?
How can self-love transform our relationships?
What can trigger a fear of rejection and/or fear of abandonment?
What can you do to support a friend struggling from fear of rejection / fear of abandonment?
Why does a fear of rejection sometimes lead to actual rejection?

Resource Links: