The Friendship that Navigated a Falling-Out with a Mutual Friend (Kat)
Explicit content warning
07/09/24 • 54 min
After going through a friendship breakup, Shasta faced a dilemma: how would she navigate this with their mutual friends, and how much was she going to pull them into the drama? In this episode, she sits down with her friend Kat, who still maintains her own relationship with Shasta’s ex-friend. They shed insight on how they’ve been able to discuss the friendship breakup without being catty or ruining Kat’s own friendship. Shasta opens up about seeing an ex-friend move on, and shares how to deal with jealousy or pain when your mutual friends spend time with them. Finally, they reflect on how to choose the best response and minimize the fallout after a friendship breakup, and if there’s ever a case when you should expect your mutual friends to choose sides.
In this episode, Shasta and Kat answer the questions:
- How do you navigate talking about the falling-out, whether you’re the one going through the friendship breakup or you’re the mutual friend?
- How does it feel to be the person navigating a friendship breakup when other people are involved? How does it feel to be the mutual friend of two people who’ve ended their friendship?
- Is it possible and okay for your mutual friends to maintain their relationships with your ex-friend? Is there ever a reason your mutual friends should not remain friends with someone you’ve had a falling-out with?
- If your mutuals stay friends with your ex-friend, how do you deal with the pain or jealousy?
Connect with other listeners on our Mighty Networks community!
Join Shasta’s mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming episodes, friendship coaching, trips, and more: https://www.shastanelson.com/mailing-list.
Resource Links:
- Watch the “Surviving a Friendship Breakup” series
- J. S. Park’s book on grief: As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve
- Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:
Connect with Shasta on her other platforms:
After going through a friendship breakup, Shasta faced a dilemma: how would she navigate this with their mutual friends, and how much was she going to pull them into the drama? In this episode, she sits down with her friend Kat, who still maintains her own relationship with Shasta’s ex-friend. They shed insight on how they’ve been able to discuss the friendship breakup without being catty or ruining Kat’s own friendship. Shasta opens up about seeing an ex-friend move on, and shares how to deal with jealousy or pain when your mutual friends spend time with them. Finally, they reflect on how to choose the best response and minimize the fallout after a friendship breakup, and if there’s ever a case when you should expect your mutual friends to choose sides.
In this episode, Shasta and Kat answer the questions:
- How do you navigate talking about the falling-out, whether you’re the one going through the friendship breakup or you’re the mutual friend?
- How does it feel to be the person navigating a friendship breakup when other people are involved? How does it feel to be the mutual friend of two people who’ve ended their friendship?
- Is it possible and okay for your mutual friends to maintain their relationships with your ex-friend? Is there ever a reason your mutual friends should not remain friends with someone you’ve had a falling-out with?
- If your mutuals stay friends with your ex-friend, how do you deal with the pain or jealousy?
Connect with other listeners on our Mighty Networks community!
Join Shasta’s mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming episodes, friendship coaching, trips, and more: https://www.shastanelson.com/mailing-list.
Resource Links:
- Watch the “Surviving a Friendship Breakup” series
- J. S. Park’s book on grief: As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve
- Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:
Connect with Shasta on her other platforms:
Previous Episode
The Friendship Where I Couldn't Live Up to Her Expectations (Daneen)
Have you ever felt like you were always disappointing a friend or that you couldn't satisfy them? Or maybe you’re on the other side, feeling like your friends aren’t putting in the same level of effort as you? This was the problem Shasta and Daneen encountered. At the beginning of their friendship, Daneen initiated time with Shasta frequently, and Shasta started to feel like she couldn't give enough back. Then, after Daneen had a baby and asked her to be the godmother, Shasta felt guilty for not being able to live up to Daneen’s expectations of that role. Today, Shasta and Daneen delve into the conversation that set boundaries graciously and allowed Shasta the opportunity to not only meet Daneen’s expectations, but surpass them. They also talk the perks of having non-mom friends after you have kids and how to know if a friendship is worth saving.
In this episode, Shasta and Daneen answer the questions:
- How do you kindly set boundaries when you can’t meet a friend’s expectations?
- How does it feel to be the friend who needs more? How does it feel to be the friend who can’t give more?
- How do you know if a friendship is worth saving?
- How do you maintain friendships after having children, or when your friends have children?
- What are the benefits of having non-mom friends after having kids?
Connect with other listeners on our Mighty Networks community!
Join Shasta’s mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming episodes, friendship coaching, trips, and more: https://www.shastanelson.com/mailing-list.
Resource Links:
- Wall Street Journal: It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It
- Take the Frientimacy quizzes: Positivity Quiz, Consistency Quiz, Vulnerability Quiz
- Learn more about the Frientimacy Triangle in Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness
- More of Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:
Connect with Shasta on her other platforms:
Next Episode
I’m the Friend Who Ghosted
A few weeks ago, Shasta interviewed three women who had been ghosted. Today, she’s shifting the focus to hear from the ghosters. Why did they ghost their friends, rather than taking a different approach? Do they regret it? And was there anything that could have changed their minds? In this panel, three women reveal the commonalities between friends who ghost and the factors that can lead to a silent breakup. Finally, Shasta advises on how to protect and save your relationships before they reach their breaking points.
Connect with other listeners on our Mighty Networks community!
Join Shasta’s mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming episodes, friendship coaching, trips, and more: https://www.shastanelson.com/mailing-list.
Shasta’s books on belongingness and human connection:
- Friendships Don’t Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends
- Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness
- The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of Our Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time
Connect with Shasta on her other platforms:
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