Portal To Another World - #empathyforgrief - Break the Silent Struggle With Grief

08/05/20 • 28 min

#empathyforgrief - Break the Silent Struggle With Grief Podcast

Welcome to Mother's Backyard Buzz and #empathyforgriefandloss episode #16 - Part 1 where I want to focus on a "Portal to Another World". Each episode is all about "breaking the silent struggle" around grief and loss. My podcasts are based on my personal grief and loss journey and reflections from my book: My Backyard Garden - A Memoir of How Love Conquers Grief. I'm reflecting on Chapter 1 of my book entitled "A Change of Planes". From my book, I share current insights into this life-changing journey called grief and loss. Thanks for joining me, Debra Hester, as the author and your host of #empathyforgriefandloss podcast.

A Couple of Firsts

This is an exceptional podcast for me. As always, there are no chance meetings. In Episode #16, you will be hearing a new format. This topic will also have two episodes dedicated to it. This format is transitioning #empathyforgrief podcast to a video series on the Mother's Backyard Enterprises Channel on YouTube.

You will be listening to a pre-recorded conversation with my very first guest. His name is Ruben Medina. We met virtually, and I recorded his interview via Zoom as he shared it "live" on Facebook. The discussion includes fun and earnest insights on how to create a Portal to Another World when you're suffering from grief and loss. Ruben not only shares some of his wisdom, but also some of his inspirational music. My favorite song by MC Medina is "Wake Up." As always, loved ones, I hope you find this episode helpful and inspirational.

[Recorded Conversation]

Medina: So ladies and gentlemen, we are good to go...celebration! Oh man, I wish I had some more noise making material over here!

Debra: All right, well for me, it's welcome, especially all your guests! You know this is my first time and I really look at you as a God-sent because I don't think I would have done this alone. So I really needed a partner to get me to this Facebook live experience. And here he is Mr. Ruben Medina M.C Medina and you know, as I said, no chance meetings, right? This was just amazing how we met online and just sort of have a very similar vision. and when I talked to him and understood sort of where his head was I knew that he needed to be a guest on #empathyforgrief Break the Silent Struggle with Grief and Loss. And I can only say that I hope this isn't the last time.

Medina: Good afternoon, thank y'all for checking in I got a homie with me. We haven't even met, but I'm calling her my homie because we did on such a deep spiritual level.

Her name is Miss Debra Hester and she's got books and she's got all types of stuff. Y'all can't see her right now but we're doing this on Zoom video for the first, I mean this is my first timeYeah this is both of our first time doing the podcast video style, big quarantine style. No masks today I thought about wearing one just for aesthetic purposes but then I thought I should probably have gloves too. And I don't have gloves so we just threw out the whole idea.

But we're definitely more than six feet apart right now, so we're good.

Debra: I’ll go through the front end about the podcast a little bit. It's all about breaking the silence struggle with grief. This is my 16th podcast of #empathyforgrief. You can get podcasts anywhere you download podcasts. It is available through most podcast providers. What I do is, every podcast I talk about a subject from my book.

I wrote this book, "My Backyard Garden, A Memoir of How Love Conquers Grief." And it chronicles the last days of my mother's life. and she was like my everything and I lost her. I had a long time, don't get me wrong and she was ready to leave this world. She had lived a long, healthy life and she was only ill near the end. So that's a blessing in itself.

But she told us all these different things. She had a chance to tell all the grandkids, the kids, and her great-grandchildren. What she told me is this is your book. So I actually wrote this book, “My Backyard Gardening, A Memoir of How Love Conquerors Grief.

I named it "My Backyard Garden" because my mother said that you know God had prepared her and that she wasn't afraid to die. And that he had told her to help the children because the children go out into the world for the things that they should get in their own backyard, so "My Backyard Garden, is the name of the book. "My Backyard” because she left us with a lot of love.

And I struggled so until I realized other people were struggling and I just started creating a podcast because it's a journey. You know grief isa journey we all will take. And this particular episode is about "Portal to Another World." Ye...

A Couple of Firsts

[Recorded Conversation]

Medina: So ladies and gentlemen, we are good to go...celebration! Oh man, I wish I had some more noise making material over here!

Medina: Good afternoon, thank y'all for checking in I got a homie with me. We haven't even met, but I'm calling her my homie because we did on such a deep spiritual level.

But we're definitely more than six feet apart right now, so we're good.

Previous Episode

Grief Gets Physical - #empathyforgrief - Break the Silent Struggle With Grief and Loss

Grief Gets Physical

Welcome to Mother's Backyard Buzz and #empathyforgrief episode #15, where I want to focus on how grief can get physical. Each episode is all about "breaking the silent struggle" around grief and loss. My podcasts are based on my personal grief journey and reflections from my book: My Backyard Garden - A Memoir of How Love Conquers Grief. I share current insights into this life-changing journey called grief and loss. Thanks for joining me, Debra Hester, as the author and your host of #empathyforgrief podcast.

The First Physical Signs

In Chapter 1 - A Change of Planes in my book, my first sizeable emotional response to my mother being in ICU was delayed until I reached the airport. Once it hit me emotionally, my next reaction was a physical sign. I felt light-headed and weak in the knees after I got through security on my way to the gate. Now, who wants to faint? I don't. And who wants to faint in public when you're alone. So I found the nearest seat. Then I became nauseated. And that's another thing I absolutely hate is vomiting.

So all I could think of was I need something to drink. No, it was not a glass of wine, it was mint tea from Starbucks. I knew that mint tea would calm my stomach and help me keep from vomiting in public. Question: Do you know what type of healthy foods help your body to stabilize and recover? If you don't, I encourage you as a grief and loss survivor to thriver, learn, and use these healthy foods and beverages in your time of need.

Food Does a Body Good

Speaking of food, I enjoy cooking healthy meals and snacks. One of the reasons I enjoy cooking and entertaining is that I get lots of satisfaction from seeing how people enjoy not only the food but the experience. When tasty food is in the room, we talk about how great the food looks, smells, tastes, and makes us feel.

I believe food is the body's medicine and is essential to our well being. Plus, food is social too. It can bring people together. Food is something we all share as humans. Even if we may have different appetites and may not like the same type of food, we all have to eat. Food is essential to our physical and mental health.

I consider myself a creative cook and love to experiment with different mixtures and recipes. When I was a child, I ate a variety of foods. I appreciate variety still. Recently, I've been obsessed with vegetables, especially roasted veggies. That's funny because I can remember when comfort food was potatoes, pasta, and bread. Then it changed to blue corn tortilla chips and fresh salsa. But now my once comfort foods, makes me uncomfortable.

Some are born with food aversions, well I grew into mine. It's not just the discomfort particular food causes me. I just can't and have little genuine desire to eat how I once ate. So I ask you, do you have foods that make you feel good while others make you feel bad? Can you tell when that happens? I've learned to be aware of what I eat and drink over time and see the patterns of my reactions to those food choices.

Why do I share this awareness of food and how you react to it? Because this awareness applies to your appetite when you experience grief and loss. I've experienced this change in how I felt about food after a loss. Not just how I felt about food but food actually tasted different. I've found with grief in addition to emotions changing, you have physical signs from your body that respond to grief and loss. Loss or gain of appetite is one of the signs that grief gets physical.

After you've lost a loved one, you might reach for a cookie instead of an apple and wonder why. You may think I don't care and then feel guilty that you don't care. You might even eat your favorite chocolate chip cookie as I have and not get the same joy or taste from it. And like, I wondered, what has happened?

Vital Physical Changes

Grief and loss can extend beyond appetite and food too. Some days my body would actually feel heavier. I'm not talking about bloating or water weight gain. I would wake up from a full night's sleep, and my body would feel tired. I would do some stretches and feel some relief, but then I would find myself clenching my jaw or biting my bottom lip. I would feel as if my whole body was heavier.

In my book, I mentioned it felt like my soul had sat down and it did. It felt like my body was now dragging around a soul that didn't want to move, so there was a constant battle between the two. The struggle would result in aches and pains in new and unusual places.

I don't have underlying health issues, but there were times when I would feel tingling sensations running down my arms, my face, and legs as if I could feel the nerves under my skin. I found that all these physical reacti...

Next Episode

Portal To Another World - Part 2 - #empathyforgrief - Break the Silent Struggle With Grief

Your Window Seat Is Available - Part 2 Interview with Guest MC Medina continues

MC Medina: So, ladies and gentlemen, we are good to go! Celebration! Oh man, I wish I had some more noise-making material over here!

Oneness Was Always Here

MC Medina: Yes, the age of Aquarius, the Age of Enlightenment, that's exactly what the organic program of the universe has called for planet earth today.

Debra: Yes, and how does it help that oneness become more real? Because it's not like the oneness went away, right? Oneness was always here.

MC Medina: Oneness was always here. What happened in the world that we get born into is constantly feeding us media, images, and music. Let's say, we've been so entangled with our five senses that there's a sense of forgetting. You know how people say sometimes mention reincarnation? Reincarnation is a thing where you have had a life before you may have a life after this life. Right? So why don't we remember the things that we discovered in the previous life? And a lot of that has to do with [pause] wouldn't that be awesome if we could just continue to add on the knowledge lifetime after lifetime?

Debra: I think so; I have had moments of déjà vu. So yeah, I sort of have moments when I realized that I had another life before this. And a lot of times, it's when I go to certain places for the first time. It's like déjà vu, I've been here before. And in this life, I know I haven't been here before. But it's just like okay, and it's just a flash, and then I just let it go.

Emotions Dictate Your Frequency

MC Medina: So, from the information that I've uncovered, because of our rebirth process and being reincarnated like being brought back into a physical vessel.

In order for us to survive, we have been programmed to believe and conditioned to believe that we have to maintain a certain level of self-identity—this self-identity. Also known as the ego-mind as opposed to the spirit-mind. And the ego-mind is a universal ego-mind, and the spirit-mind is a universal spirit-mind. So, we can all tap into depending on whatever frequencies we choose to be resonating at in any given moment. What dictates what frequency you're resonating at dictates your brain and your mind's ability to stay in gratitude, in harmony and peace and bliss.

There's a whole list of negative emotions, like jealousy, envy, anger, frustration. Then you got positive emotions like happiness, gratitude, blissful feelings, and contentment, satisfaction. So, we want to be able to stay in those positive emotions. Because by staying in those positive emotions, we're able to maintain a certain frequency that allows us to, what I say, what I call... It allows us to open and maintain the gates of abundance.

When we talk about the Law of Attraction and the Universal Law of Oneness and the ego-mind and all of these things, they are simply reminders. And we start to resonate with that. The reason why I say that is because even though we were born and think that we forgot everything, we stumble across this information again in this lifetime. That's why we have a sense of remembering because we did and do already know this.

Debra: It's a part of us.

Star Beings

MC Medina: It's in our DNA as Star Beings. As star beings, the thing is that we're we are made of stardust. If you haven't already heard that, then now you know. We're made of the same elements that the whole universe Is made out of. According to quantum physics and scientists and big group studies, we are the embodiment of the universe. So, when we think about that and we know that God Is love. God is in everything. That means the universe Is In everything. Love is in everything. And so, anything other than unconditional love is just an illusory construct of the universal ego-mind.

Debra: Right.

Why there is no Oneness Among Us

Debra: MC Medina is going to enlighten us with, maybe, it might be the answer why there is no oneness among us. Is it love? Is it a lack of love?

MC Medina: You know I was just going to say one last thing. Universal love is all that exists. Everything else Is part of the grand Illusion of separation, and the first universal law clearly addresses this. I heavily recommend, highly recommend everybody check It out after we get done here.

Debra: That's perfect. I mean, love was what helped me get over grief. You know, and that's why I called my book, My Backyard Garden, A Memoir of How Love Conquers Grief. And sometimes the separation in the physical world throws you sort of a loop. You have these moments from the Grand Illusion that come into you, and then you have to use that positive love to say, okay, I don't want to be angry that she's gone. You know she loved me. I loved her.

We had a loving relationship. If you did not have one, you know, I mean, you can still love the time that was there. You know, because everybody's relationship with someon...

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