246: Rising Up Against Imposter Syndrome with Kate Arms

03/14/22 • 25 min

Imposter syndrome is something that most people have felt at some point or another. Intense people may feel this in magnified ways, as the world tells them they are not welcome as they are. Join us on this guest call to learn more!

Kate Arms is a return guest to the show, and I’m thrilled to welcome her back for this guest call. Kate is a classic overthinker, high achiever, and multipotentiality who exudes intensity. Her career has spanned being a lawyer, arts administrator, coach for gifted and twice-exceptional adults and parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids, and an Agile Coach in a high-tech company. She is the author of several books and has experience in coaching, leadership development, and psychology. Kate is here to help us understand imposter syndrome and how to reduce our suffering within it by building more connections.

Show Highlights:

Kate defines imposter syndrome as “a group of symptoms clustered together to make us feel like we don’t belong”
How symptoms can include anxiety, hypervigilance self-consciousness, self-sabotage, perfectionism, and a sense of hiding who you really are
How these symptoms pair with suffering to make us feel awful and ashamed
How symptom relief and root-cause relief work together
Why imposter syndrome boils down to belonging, connection, and a feeling of, “They won’t want me if they know who I really am.”
How we are programmed (especially intense people) to think we are not welcome as we are because of childhood shaming, being told to “tone down,” and being too much or too sensitive
How the “mismatch” occurs and how to address it
How the process of learning happens when we start out blissfully ignorant
The difference between identity and character vs. skills and experiences
Why we must to learn to be comfortable in being ourselves–even if it makes others uncomfortable
Why it’s hard to risk having the courage to overwhelm others with who we really are
How we can build our sense of belonging through building our community
How feeling connection with at least three people in your group will foster your feeling of belonging

Resources:

Hear the follow-up conversation with Kate: Community.embracingintensity.com

Show Highlights:

Kate defines imposter syndrome as “a group of symptoms clustered together to make us feel like we don’t belong”
How symptoms can include anxiety, hypervigilance self-consciousness, self-sabotage, perfectionism, and a sense of hiding who you really are
How these symptoms pair with suffering to make us feel awful and ashamed
How symptom relief and root-cause relief work together
Why imposter syndrome boils down to belonging, connection, and a feeling of, “They won’t want me if they know who I really am.”
How we are programmed (especially intense people) to think we are not welcome as we are because of childhood shaming, being told to “tone down,” and being too much or too sensitive
How the “mismatch” occurs and how to address it
How the process of learning happens when we start out blissfully ignorant
The difference between identity and character vs. skills and experiences
Why we must to learn to be comfortable in being ourselves–even if it makes others uncomfortable
Why it’s hard to risk having the courage to overwhelm others with who we really are
How we can build our sense of belonging through building our community
How feeling connection with at least three people in your group will foster your feeling of belonging

Resources:

Hear the follow-up conversation with Kate: Community.embracingintensity.com

Previous Episode

245: Educating Gifted Students and Their Families with Barry Gelston

Today’s show focuses on the twice-exceptional experience. As with so many people in this line of work, my guest looks to provide for students and families the help and support that he needed–and didn’t have as he grew up. Join us to learn more!

Barry Gelston is the president of GHF, Gifted Home Education Forum. They do amazing work with gifted and twice-exceptional families. Barry is an educator through “Mr. Gelston’s One Room Schoolhouse,” an online homeschool program focused on providing individualized educational services for gifted and 2E learners. In this episode, we enjoyed discussing how being 2E ourselves led us to the work of helping and supporting 2E families.

Show Highlights:

Why Barry is intensely passionate about making a difference by being a positive activist who loves his family and tries hard to be a good person in the world
How Barry’s personal brand of intensity shows up with constant focus and rumination about one topic at a time and being aware of sensory overload
How Barry grew up totally dysregulated as an underachiever with social and emotional issues from being in a divorced family
How Barry approached his problems with his attempt at executive functioning skills to become a good student and make more of his life
What Barry would say to the adults in his life “back then”
Why Barry’s work today revolves around what he needed as a 2E child
How Barry learned to overcome his reading struggles and dyslexia to become a voracious reader
Why wonderful things are happening in strengths-based approaches with 2E students
How Barry’s cultural identity formed largely around growing up in a Jewish family in Queens
Why Barry always felt like he had to tone himself down or tune himself out as he grew up and learned the art of conversation
How Barry’s intensity felt out of control in early adulthood because of social pressures
How Barry uses his fire for good through teaching and his work, trying to fix for others what he wishes would have been fixed for him
How mindfulness, meditation, self-centering, and 2E awareness have helped Barry harness the power of his intensity
How creating systems and structures has helped with executive functioning for Barry–and how he uses it to help students
How Barry helps others use their own fire through connecting and learning from each other

Resources:

Connect with Barry: GHF Learners and Mr. Gelston's One Room Schoolhouse

Next Episode

247: Drama vs. Passion with Alexandra Loves

Today’s episode is the Embracing Intensity Community Call with guest speaker Alexandra Loves. The topic is Drama vs. Passion, which is highly relevant to intense people. I’m excited to share this with you! You can find the full discussion at www.community.embracingintensity.com.

As I’m working hard to finish out this school year, I am busy behind the scenes with some great projects planned for this coming summer and fall, and I’ll be sharing more about those later. Enjoy the call with Alexandra!

Show Highlights:

How Alexandra defines the concept of drama vs. passion: “Passion is an intense desire or emotion sourced from within from a loving place. Drama is a chaotic, ungrounded emotional desire that comes from a place of fear and is sourced from ‘out there’.”
A personal example of a conversation Alexandra had recently with someone about their passion–but it felt manipulative
What it feels like when someone says, “You are being dramatic.”
How Alexandra has learned to look for clarity and mutual trust in relationships
Why your passions are worth protecting with high standards and boundaries
How to deal with intense emotions and discern between drama and passion

Resources:

Connect with Alexandra and claim a free download, Unstuck: Remedy for Internal Toxicity: www.alexandraloves.com.

Find her Woke Wisdom Podcast.

Join our community: www.community.embracingintensity.com