280: Spoken Word Poem: Fear Marks the Spot

This past weekend I was invited to write and share a new spoken word poem at my soul sister, Danette May’s event. To say I was terrified is putting it mildly, but I did it! And while I’m still processing my the journey and the emotions around it, one thing I know for certain is that my fear is always the X that marks the spot when it comes to what fulfills me and makes me feel like I’m living in my highest potential.

I shared a couple clips of the poem on social media, but have gotten several requests to hear the poem in its entirety. Always one to feel the fear again (why?!), I’ve recorded it on this episode and have provided the words below. If my words pull at your soul and you know someone else who would benefit, please share. Thanks so much for all of your support!

Here we go...

I got up today only to find that I’m still not yet where I want to be

A little less “I woke up like this”

A little more - “existential crisis” – feeling stuck in my reality.

When I think about who I am now, compared to who I think I’m supposed to be

I wake up every morning, AND INSTEAD of doing things that set me free

I put on a straight-jacket and wear someone else’s identity.

Not even accepting myself on my own ID

Height one inch taller

Weight 10 pounds smaller

Anyone else fear a lie detector test at the DMV – or is it just me?

Just the thought of trying to change my life makes me feel defeated

Like I got the short end of the stick

Or like this bitch over here got all the talent

And I got cheated.

When I close my eyes, I can see my life’s vision

But when I open them, I can’t see past my email, my thighs, my to-do list and dirty kitchen

I mean what’s it gonna take to reach my dream, be seen, and get attention?

Instead of growing my mind

I put all my energy towards beauty, titles and Instagram mentions.

When will I be enough?

Thanks to Fairytales and Ariel, I’ve spent my whole life chasing people and stuff

“Look at this stuff isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?”

Still waiting for my Prince Charming, castle and Fairy Godmother

Jerry Maguire said, “You complete me”

So feeling enough must ONLY come from a love.r

So many mixed messages, it’s no wonder we’re confused

The world tries keeping us busy stressing over low carbs, waist trainers and red-bottom shoes

They sidetrack us from our purpose with diets and promises of youth

But it’s a choice to decide to be committed to finding and living your truth.

The other day I was walking past a man in conversation with his mate

He said, and I quote, “You deserve the life you tolerate”

I just about choked

Cause at that point in my day I was feeling upset

Sorry for myself because there are unlived dreams I haven’t met yet

If what I tolerate is the life that I’m living

then you’re telling me it’s been my choice to not use these gifts I’ve been given?

They say through ownership I can get my power back

I gotta be honest – easier said than done

I was really hoping this whole personal development thing would be a little more fun...

True story – I was recently at an event like this

Sitting in the audience

And from the stage I felt the speakers words hit me in the soul much like a deliverance:

I am not what you think I am; I am not what I think I am; I am what I think you think I am.”

Let me repeat that....

I am not what you think I am; I am not what I think I am; I am what I think you think I am”

Moral of the story is the only thing that’s stopping us, is what other people think Get your mind off other people’s shit And put your soul back in the driver’s seat!

The only thing wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you.

Everything is right with you

In spite of you

Ignoring the higher you

The answers are all inside of you

So why are you

Gripping onto others view

When what they think of you is...

NOTHING. Because they’re only thinkin’ about themselves.

The truth will set you free,

But first it will piss you off

And the truth is:

If you keep fighting for your limitations, you get to keep them

It’s time to stop choosing suffering

and choose to fight for your queendom.

I know the life I’m born for and the woman I’m supposed to be

I’m embarrassed to tell you my soul is an undercover celebrity

So where do I go if I believe the life I have now must be disputed

It’s like I can see I’m on screen

But my voice has been muted

It’s been so long since I’ve used it, or maybe I never learned how

But lately something’s stirring, rising up telling me my time is now.

Wh...