Arguing With Questions: A Negotiator’s Secret Weapon

08/30/23 • 23 min

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In previous episodes, we’ve covered conflict styles, some magic words to use in mediation and the idea of tiered proposals, but today we're talking about one the most effective negotiation strategies there is - and that’s arguing with questions.
We’ve talked before about the ineffectiveness of positional bargaining, but it’s often the only way our clients have been taught to negotiate. They make the mistake of starting off negotiations by stating their position and then proceeding to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) why their position is valid and their partner should agree to it. JADE-ing continues back and forth and conflict escalates until someone backs down enough to come to a compromise or they walk away and lawyer up.
But there’s another way...and it's arguing with questions.
This is just one reason why divorce coaching can be the key to more successful negotiations. Because we have the chance to work with our clients at the individual level, we can create self-awareness. We have the chance to change those old limiting beliefs about positional bargaining. And we know that when one party shows up differently, the dance doesn’t look the same.
Listen in as Tracy and Debra walk through these 3 tools you can use to help clients learn to argue with questions.

Modeling
Scripts and Vocabulary Lessons
Role Play

Teaching your client to approach conflict with curiosity instead of justification or accusation will serve them well not only in their divorce negotiations, but in all their future relationships.
You can learn more about DCATM or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
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Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Modeling
Scripts and Vocabulary Lessons
Role Play

Previous Episode

Reality Testing: When Client Expectations Need a Tune-Up

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Make-believe or pretend play is an almost universal part of every kid's childhood. Most children love pretending to be everything from superheroes to astronauts, doctors, dancers, firefighters, and moms and dads. Today, we're getting into some tools you can use when you find yourself working with clients whose expectations and beliefs are keeping them squarely stuck in a state of make-believe.
Divorce expectations can be inherited from friends and or family experiences. They can come from from television shows, reality TV and movies about divorce. The problem with these expectations is that they often distort our client's perception of reality and make them see or hear what they want to see and hear rather than what’s really there.
When clients have unrealistic expectations of divorce, whether positive or negative, they can experience disappointment and stress when reality closes in. And that, in turn, can escalate conflict.
Reality testing is the ability to distinguish between what' s real and what' s not and it's a key component of emotional intelligence. Reality testing in divorce coaching helps our clients to avoid making choices or decisions that are based on unrealistic expectations, mindsets, or beliefs.

Listen in as we offer some tools and powerful questions you can use with clients to give their expectations a tune-up in preparation for a better divorce experience.
You can learn more about DCATM or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Next Episode

The Big BUT's of Deciding to Stay or Go

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How often have you heard a client say “I’m miserable and I can’t imagine going on like this. I’ve tried and tried and nothing is changing. But ... I’m afraid to get divorced.” They typically go on to share about all the problems in their marriage until they come to the big BUT that’s keeping them stuck.
And the 3 most common things that keep clients from moving forward are fears about:

Money
Kids
Conflict

In this episode we're talking working with clients who're trying to decide if they want to stay in their marriage or get divorced. We dive into research about unresolvable relationships conflicts, the rise in marital mediation, explore the often forgotten 3rd option of "waiting with intention", and the powerful questions to ask clients when they're stuck on their big BUT's and fears.
Listen in as Tracy and Debra chat about why this question is right in our wheelhouse and review the tools and strategies you can use to bust through those big BUT's that are creating obstacles to your client's decision making.
While we can’t make the decision for them, we can certainly offer lots of clarity and self-discovery to support them in making the choice that leads to their own fulfillment and happiness whether that means staying or leaving.

You can learn more about DCATM or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]