Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

08/01/23 • 10 min

We all have a natural yearning to be understood, but effective communication requires mutual understanding. In our efforts to convey our point of view or form the perfect response, we often miss the opportunity to see another perspective, and create a defensive environment that is ripe for misunderstandings, distrust and resentments. Steven Covey offers a valuable remedy in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - “seek first to understand, then to be understood" - but this can be harder than it sounds.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I break down Covey’s advice and demonstrate practical steps to promote more mindful, non-judgemental and deep listening. When we truly hear and seek to understand others, we set up the conditions for mutual trust, care and respect, making it more likely that, when it's our turn to speak, we’ll be afforded the same courtesy.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Previous Episode

Shame vs Guilt

Shame and guilt, often used interchangeably, are different experiences with distinct effects. Guilt, the feeling we get when we’ve done something wrong, is adaptive and helpful, prompting discomfort when our actions contradict our values and facilitating self-reflection and restitution. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling that we are what’s wrong, that we are unworthy, bad or broken. It offers no constructive or restorative path, instead opening a pit of self-deprecation and low self-esteem, with no ladder to climb out. This destructive force can lead to depression, anger and hurtful behaviour toward others, further feeding the shame cycle.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I help you distinguish the two feelings and delve into a potential source of persistent feelings of shame. I provide three pointers for healthier handling of both feelings, so you can foster healthier relationships with yourself and others and live in a way that promotes personal growth, happiness, and empowerment.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Next Episode

Unsubscribing From Your Thoughts

The power of the human mind is a double-edged sword. It enables us to plan, solve problems, create goals and work towards them, but its dark side tends to haunt our inner world with self-criticism, ruminations and worries. For many of us, that voice inside can become our own worst enemy, crushing our self-esteem and fuelling constant stress, negativity or anxiety. Thankfully, we don’t have to get caught up in distressing or harmful inner dialogue. We can choose to unsubscribe.

In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain how cognitive fusion causes us to mistake our thoughts for reality, giving them the power to dictate our actions and emotions. I share an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) strategy that disempowers unhelpful and painful thoughts and, with regular practice, builds your capacity to unhook from them and bring more lightness, ease and joy into your days.

Key Links:

Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

The Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/

Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/