Dadvengers #37 Olugbenga & Beth Adelekan

This week Nigel is joined by the music producer, musician and father, Olugbenga Adelekan.

As a musician, Olugbenga does a lot of travelling. Despite this he was ready for parenthood but when his son Ravi was diagnosed with a brain tumour at age 7, his parenting journey took a turn. The tumour was removed but that surgery has left Ravi with lasting symptoms. Olugbenga as any parent would, found this time hard. Listen as we find out exactly how he has coped.

We're also joined by a special guest in the episode... Olugbenga's wife, Bethan, who shares another perspective of this thought provoking and inspirational story.

In 2022 to mark the first anniversary of Ravi's surgery, they worked with some world renowned musicians to record a song, which they released to raise money for Brainstrust and the Brain Tumour Charity.

The single has raised over £89,000 so far, and the total is still climbing!

Thanks to Olugbenga and Bethan for joining us 💙

Time Codes

2:24 - "My wife understands the industry... choosing to be in a relationship with a musician she knew this moment would come" - Olugbenga on being a musician and becoming a father.

06:58 - "They are old enough to come out to some of the shows now and see what I do... they see some of it is actually pretty boring!" - How Olugbenga shares his work with his family!

11:05 - "It is difficult at the moment to get him to see that his sister is 4 and he is 7 so we can’t parent them in the same way" - How parenting two children of different ages has it's challenges!

13:41 - "The day of the MRI that evening I got a phone call from the consultant... The scan showed a growth, they said you need to take him to the hospital immediately." - Finding out Ravi had a brain tumour.

17:48 - "It isn’t necessarily rational but we felt we should have noticed something serious was up sooner." - How the feelings of guilt have affected Olugbenga.

20:21 - "One of the things they did say was “you need to be strong for your family”... They’re still very old school!" - Olugbenga's family reactions to his son's tumour.

23:19 - "As I got older, I learnt to not act out so much. The way that manifests itself is not showing my emotions so much." - How Olugbenga's childhood taught him to hold in his emotions.

26:50 - "We’ve been open with him about the aspects of his care that we found angering and frustrating. We come out and talk about it." - How Olugbenga supports Ravi with his feelings around his tumour.

29:42 - "Knowing that his tumour is going to affect the rest of his life... there’s been a grieving for what we thought his future was going to look like before." - The feelings of grief that come with having a child with a serious illness.

24:04 - "We have just started family therapy with Ravi..." - How Olugbenga and his wife are supporting Ravi with his feelings around the tumour and the changes in his life.

34:04 - "Bethan and I have dealt with this in different ways... she is more emotionally expressive" - The differences between Olugbenga and his wife!

40:30 - "We have just hit past £70,000. The goal is to raise a quarter of a million pounds. The charity’s we’re raising money for really helped us" - Olugbenga tells us about Ravi's brilliant charity single.

44:03 - "There’s a dad who has really supported us... It would be great for other people to know it is there too." - Why raising awareness of these charities is so important to Olugbenga.

45:31 - Olugbenga's Dad Superpower... in fact, he picks two!!

47:48 - We’re joined by Bethan, Olugbenga’s wife, who shares her side of their story!

51:31 - “How can he express that to Ravi, that is what Ravi needs... it is also what Olugbenga needs” - Why family therapy is so important for them all.

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