Dadvengers #37 Olugbenga & Beth Adelekan
11/23/23 • 64 min
This week Nigel is joined by the music producer, musician and father, Olugbenga Adelekan.
As a musician, Olugbenga does a lot of travelling. Despite this he was ready for parenthood but when his son Ravi was diagnosed with a brain tumour at age 7, his parenting journey took a turn. The tumour was removed but that surgery has left Ravi with lasting symptoms. Olugbenga as any parent would, found this time hard. Listen as we find out exactly how he has coped.
We're also joined by a special guest in the episode... Olugbenga's wife, Bethan, who shares another perspective of this thought provoking and inspirational story.
In 2022 to mark the first anniversary of Ravi's surgery, they worked with some world renowned musicians to record a song, which they released to raise money for Brainstrust and the Brain Tumour Charity.
The single has raised over £89,000 so far, and the total is still climbing!
Thanks to Olugbenga and Bethan for joining us 💙
Time Codes
2:24 - "My wife understands the industry... choosing to be in a relationship with a musician she knew this moment would come" - Olugbenga on being a musician and becoming a father.
06:58 - "They are old enough to come out to some of the shows now and see what I do... they see some of it is actually pretty boring!" - How Olugbenga shares his work with his family!
11:05 - "It is difficult at the moment to get him to see that his sister is 4 and he is 7 so we can’t parent them in the same way" - How parenting two children of different ages has it's challenges!
13:41 - "The day of the MRI that evening I got a phone call from the consultant... The scan showed a growth, they said you need to take him to the hospital immediately." - Finding out Ravi had a brain tumour.
17:48 - "It isn’t necessarily rational but we felt we should have noticed something serious was up sooner." - How the feelings of guilt have affected Olugbenga.
20:21 - "One of the things they did say was “you need to be strong for your family”... They’re still very old school!" - Olugbenga's family reactions to his son's tumour.
23:19 - "As I got older, I learnt to not act out so much. The way that manifests itself is not showing my emotions so much." - How Olugbenga's childhood taught him to hold in his emotions.
26:50 - "We’ve been open with him about the aspects of his care that we found angering and frustrating. We come out and talk about it." - How Olugbenga supports Ravi with his feelings around his tumour.
29:42 - "Knowing that his tumour is going to affect the rest of his life... there’s been a grieving for what we thought his future was going to look like before." - The feelings of grief that come with having a child with a serious illness.
24:04 - "We have just started family therapy with Ravi..." - How Olugbenga and his wife are supporting Ravi with his feelings around the tumour and the changes in his life.
34:04 - "Bethan and I have dealt with this in different ways... she is more emotionally expressive" - The differences between Olugbenga and his wife!
40:30 - "We have just hit past £70,000. The goal is to raise a quarter of a million pounds. The charity’s we’re raising money for really helped us" - Olugbenga tells us about Ravi's brilliant charity single.
44:03 - "There’s a dad who has really supported us... It would be great for other people to know it is there too." - Why raising awareness of these charities is so important to Olugbenga.
45:31 - Olugbenga's Dad Superpower... in fact, he picks two!!
47:48 - We’re joined by Bethan, Olugbenga’s wife, who shares her side of their story!
51:31 - “How can he express that to Ravi, that is what Ravi needs... it is also what Olugbenga needs” - Why family therapy is so important for them all.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
This week Nigel is joined by the music producer, musician and father, Olugbenga Adelekan.
As a musician, Olugbenga does a lot of travelling. Despite this he was ready for parenthood but when his son Ravi was diagnosed with a brain tumour at age 7, his parenting journey took a turn. The tumour was removed but that surgery has left Ravi with lasting symptoms. Olugbenga as any parent would, found this time hard. Listen as we find out exactly how he has coped.
We're also joined by a special guest in the episode... Olugbenga's wife, Bethan, who shares another perspective of this thought provoking and inspirational story.
In 2022 to mark the first anniversary of Ravi's surgery, they worked with some world renowned musicians to record a song, which they released to raise money for Brainstrust and the Brain Tumour Charity.
The single has raised over £89,000 so far, and the total is still climbing!
Thanks to Olugbenga and Bethan for joining us 💙
Time Codes
2:24 - "My wife understands the industry... choosing to be in a relationship with a musician she knew this moment would come" - Olugbenga on being a musician and becoming a father.
06:58 - "They are old enough to come out to some of the shows now and see what I do... they see some of it is actually pretty boring!" - How Olugbenga shares his work with his family!
11:05 - "It is difficult at the moment to get him to see that his sister is 4 and he is 7 so we can’t parent them in the same way" - How parenting two children of different ages has it's challenges!
13:41 - "The day of the MRI that evening I got a phone call from the consultant... The scan showed a growth, they said you need to take him to the hospital immediately." - Finding out Ravi had a brain tumour.
17:48 - "It isn’t necessarily rational but we felt we should have noticed something serious was up sooner." - How the feelings of guilt have affected Olugbenga.
20:21 - "One of the things they did say was “you need to be strong for your family”... They’re still very old school!" - Olugbenga's family reactions to his son's tumour.
23:19 - "As I got older, I learnt to not act out so much. The way that manifests itself is not showing my emotions so much." - How Olugbenga's childhood taught him to hold in his emotions.
26:50 - "We’ve been open with him about the aspects of his care that we found angering and frustrating. We come out and talk about it." - How Olugbenga supports Ravi with his feelings around his tumour.
29:42 - "Knowing that his tumour is going to affect the rest of his life... there’s been a grieving for what we thought his future was going to look like before." - The feelings of grief that come with having a child with a serious illness.
24:04 - "We have just started family therapy with Ravi..." - How Olugbenga and his wife are supporting Ravi with his feelings around the tumour and the changes in his life.
34:04 - "Bethan and I have dealt with this in different ways... she is more emotionally expressive" - The differences between Olugbenga and his wife!
40:30 - "We have just hit past £70,000. The goal is to raise a quarter of a million pounds. The charity’s we’re raising money for really helped us" - Olugbenga tells us about Ravi's brilliant charity single.
44:03 - "There’s a dad who has really supported us... It would be great for other people to know it is there too." - Why raising awareness of these charities is so important to Olugbenga.
45:31 - Olugbenga's Dad Superpower... in fact, he picks two!!
47:48 - We’re joined by Bethan, Olugbenga’s wife, who shares her side of their story!
51:31 - “How can he express that to Ravi, that is what Ravi needs... it is also what Olugbenga needs” - Why family therapy is so important for them all.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Previous Episode
Dadvengers #36 - Josh Connolly
Josh Connolly is making waves in the mental health world. He is one of the UK's most influential mental health advocates and has spoken in the House of Commons, to help shape mental health policy, but life didn’t start there.
Josh grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent, which had a massive impact on his life. He remembers a lot of feelings of fear and shame and by the time he was 12 Josh was using alcohol.
Cut to 24 and Josh was a dad to four children and separated from their mum. That's when he realised he needed to stop drinking. He joined a 12 step programme and got sober, but all the emotions he'd been suppressing came back.
Hearing Josh's story of going from a dark, deep depression, to using his experiences to help other people is truly inspirational. We're so grateful to Josh for joining us 💙
Time Codes
1:51 – " I grew up in quite a frightening environment... one that was steeped in a lot of shame" - Josh shares his upbringing.
4:47 - "When people were telling me to be brave, I think they were terrified of the feelings I needed to express." - Why trying to fix our children's emotions is more difficult than trying to help them.
10:10 - "I have to notice how regularly I can’t be there emotionally for my children and what brings that up." - Josh tells us how he ensures he is there for his children.
15:02 - "Our common belief is men don’t do them... they do them, in a space where they feel it is acceptable and safe" - Josh on men and showing emotions.
18:58 - "It was a terribly dark place for me, but when I made the decision it felt like the right thing to do" - Josh tells us about planning to take his own life, and what stopped him doing it.
23:55 - "I made a commitment to myself to be as gut level honest with myself and the people around me as I could" - What helped Josh seek support when he was at his lowest.
26:48 - "I am a compulsive people pleaser... It is a coping, protection mechanism, but it keeps me alone." - Josh tells us how his childhood still impacts him.
30:12 - "I remember vividly with my first daughter... I thought was you need to get as far away from me as you possibly can, there is no way I can show up for you in the way that you need" - What scared Josh the most when he became a father,
35:18 - "Regrets is different to blame... I was doing the best with the tools that I had at that time." - How Josh reflects on his mental health issues.
38:36 - "Since the time I nearly took my own life... the main bulk of the work I had to do was learn that the ways I felt made sense." - Josh on healing from his childhood and moving forward.
40:49 - "We launched a campaign because we realised that there has never been any funding for children of parents affected by a parents drinking" - Josh's work with NACOA
44:13 - "It is more strange in our society for me to be a sober dad than it was a drunk one." - How society views being sober over drinking as a parent.
46:31 - "Those moments of total presence with my kids is what I live for... they’re beautiful." - Josh's favourite part about parenting, and how he achieves it.
49:56 - Josh's Dad Superpower!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Next Episode
Dadvengers #38 Ian Russell
*** Trigger Warning - In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely suicide and child loss. If you're affected by any of the topics in this episode you can find support here***
Ian Russell is a producer and director in television, working on TV dramas, royal weddings and some of the biggest sporting events in the world. He is also an inspirational father and campaigner for online safety.
After growing up in an idyllic childhood, with a close family and a strong, present father, Ian always wanted to be a dad.
He went on to have three daughters and describes fatherhood as the biggest job in the world, that comes without a manual! Ian loves being a dad and was recreating the idyllic life he'd experienced for his own family, until tragedy struck.
Ian's daughter Molly sadly took her own life at just 14 years of age, after struggling with seeing extremely graphic unregulated content on social media. Ian and his family fought to have a full inquest into Molly's death that has led to campaigns around online safety and regulations for all users. But, especially those most vulnerable - our children. They've also started a charity to support young people struggling with online content and worked with legislators to introduce the UK's first online safety bill.
Ian is an inspirational father and his strength in sharing Molly's story is awe-inspiring. We are so grateful to Ian for joining us 💙
Time Codes
2:08 - "Life was amazing for us... but at the time you think it is just normal!" - Ian shares his brilliant childhood on the Sussex Downs.
4:30 - "There was a lovely, caring but also letting you stand on your own two feet attitude" - Ian's relationship with his dad.
7:18 - "It is the biggest job in the world and you don't get a manual to find out how to do it!" - Ian on becoming a father.
13:48 - "There was a part of my life that existed before Molly’s death and the part after" - Ian shares the impact of the loss of his daughter, Molly.
17:40 - "She was one of the most caring people I had ever known" - Ian tells us about Molly.
19:48 - "I had no doubt really quickly that social media helped kill Molly" - How Ian discovered the impact social media had on Molly.
32:10 - "If you discover something that is dangerous you try to do something about it." - Why Ian is channelling his loss into making changes around social media.
36:40 - "We’re a tiny charity but we have a big voice which is heard by many" - Ian on the Molly Rose Foundation and the crucial work they're doing.
40:45 - "An expert consultant psychiatrist... he said I can’t imagine what it would have done to a 14 year old" - How the images Molly saw impacted professionals at her inquest.
45:33 - "Some of the content Molly saw over 5 years ago is still available... they haven’t removed it" - Social media still hasn't learnt from what happened to Molly.
47:13 - "Molly wrote... "I need you to live long, stay strong, I will see you in a little while when you’re old and gray"... it helps you find a way to keep going." - Molly's message to Ian keeps him finding a way forward.
53:10 – Ian’s dad superpower.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
If you like this episode you’ll love
Episode Comments
Featured in these lists
The best podcasts about Dad Life
Curated by Jamie
Generate a badge
Get a badge for your website that links back to this episode
<a href="https://goodpods.com/podcasts/dadvengers-podcast-259996/dadvengers-37-olugbenga-and-beth-adelekan-37523102"> <img src="https://storage.googleapis.com/goodpods-images-bucket/badges/generic-badge-1.svg" alt="listen to dadvengers #37 olugbenga & beth adelekan on goodpods" style="width: 225px" /> </a>
Copy