Dadvengers #35 - Rickie Haywood-Williams
11/09/23 • 59 min
Rickie is a TV and radio presenter, currently hosting a daytime show on BBC Radio 1. He also co-hosts his own podcast and most importantly – is a dad!
As a young man Rickie always knew he wanted to be a dad one day, and he became a one to Lola at 32. However, in the back of his mind he knew this relationship wasn’t working out. He soon became a single parent and had to navigate co-parenting with a young baby. This wasn’t always easy but as you will hear he found a way to make it work!
Later in Life Rickie met his now partner, Nat, who also had a daughter of a similar age to Lola. Previous experiences have meant he's settled into the role of stepdad to Dusty and loves it! In this ep, he tells us about how they blended their families and why is it so important to him to ensure both girls are equally included.
Happy to extend their family further they have since added baby Cruz into the mix!
It’s great to hear from a dad who is both a biological and step parent and hear more about the joys and complexities of blended family life!
Huge thanks to Rickie for sharing his story with us 💙
Time Codes
3:00 – “My family was really solid". - Rickie on his family life growing up
5:38 - "When I found out we were having a baby, I wanted to make it work... but ultimately I needed to be happy." - Why Rickie became a single parent to Lola
10:47 - "Get rid of the ego... this isn't about you, it is about the child." - Rickie shares how he and Lola's mum created a positive co-parenting relationship
14:04 - "Having to share her with somebody is hard... but he is great"- Accepting another parental figure in Lola's life.
18:06 - "My dad is very emotionally closed,... I see a lot of him in my behaviour." - Rickie on his relationship with his own dad and patterns we learn from our parents!
21:30 - "Once it sunk in, she got a bit jealous. She had her whole life of never having to share me" - Introducing a new partner into his life with Lola.
26:05 - "I am not here to be anything other than what Dusty wants me to be" - Rickie on his role as a step-dad.
30:28 - "Dusty is going to see that show as well and there is no mention of her... I thought how I would feel if I was Dusty, it really hurt me." - How Rickie works to ensure both his daughters are always included in his life, publicly and privately.
34:34 – "I feel like that is one of my strengths..." - Rickie on his strength's as a dad.
37:15 – "I don’t ever want anybody to feel like left out, or isolated... I am part of that" - Rickie on talking to his extended family about all of his kids!
40:50 - "100% it is different... ! I say to her, we have each other don’t feel you have to do this by yourself." - Rickie tells us his feelings on becoming a parent again, and sharing the load with your partner!
45:00 – "Never say never, but I don’t think I’m ever having another baby after this... I’m good!" - Why this is Rickie's last child... for now!!
46:54 - "They grow so quickly, this time around I want to miss as little as possible with Cruz". - Why Rickie isn't keen on leaving his son overnight!
54:24 - Rickie's Dad Superpower
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Rickie is a TV and radio presenter, currently hosting a daytime show on BBC Radio 1. He also co-hosts his own podcast and most importantly – is a dad!
As a young man Rickie always knew he wanted to be a dad one day, and he became a one to Lola at 32. However, in the back of his mind he knew this relationship wasn’t working out. He soon became a single parent and had to navigate co-parenting with a young baby. This wasn’t always easy but as you will hear he found a way to make it work!
Later in Life Rickie met his now partner, Nat, who also had a daughter of a similar age to Lola. Previous experiences have meant he's settled into the role of stepdad to Dusty and loves it! In this ep, he tells us about how they blended their families and why is it so important to him to ensure both girls are equally included.
Happy to extend their family further they have since added baby Cruz into the mix!
It’s great to hear from a dad who is both a biological and step parent and hear more about the joys and complexities of blended family life!
Huge thanks to Rickie for sharing his story with us 💙
Time Codes
3:00 – “My family was really solid". - Rickie on his family life growing up
5:38 - "When I found out we were having a baby, I wanted to make it work... but ultimately I needed to be happy." - Why Rickie became a single parent to Lola
10:47 - "Get rid of the ego... this isn't about you, it is about the child." - Rickie shares how he and Lola's mum created a positive co-parenting relationship
14:04 - "Having to share her with somebody is hard... but he is great"- Accepting another parental figure in Lola's life.
18:06 - "My dad is very emotionally closed,... I see a lot of him in my behaviour." - Rickie on his relationship with his own dad and patterns we learn from our parents!
21:30 - "Once it sunk in, she got a bit jealous. She had her whole life of never having to share me" - Introducing a new partner into his life with Lola.
26:05 - "I am not here to be anything other than what Dusty wants me to be" - Rickie on his role as a step-dad.
30:28 - "Dusty is going to see that show as well and there is no mention of her... I thought how I would feel if I was Dusty, it really hurt me." - How Rickie works to ensure both his daughters are always included in his life, publicly and privately.
34:34 – "I feel like that is one of my strengths..." - Rickie on his strength's as a dad.
37:15 – "I don’t ever want anybody to feel like left out, or isolated... I am part of that" - Rickie on talking to his extended family about all of his kids!
40:50 - "100% it is different... ! I say to her, we have each other don’t feel you have to do this by yourself." - Rickie tells us his feelings on becoming a parent again, and sharing the load with your partner!
45:00 – "Never say never, but I don’t think I’m ever having another baby after this... I’m good!" - Why this is Rickie's last child... for now!!
46:54 - "They grow so quickly, this time around I want to miss as little as possible with Cruz". - Why Rickie isn't keen on leaving his son overnight!
54:24 - Rickie's Dad Superpower
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Previous Episode
Dadvengers #34 - Iwan Thomas
***Trigger Warning*** – In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely Babies in Intensive care and baby loss. If you are affected by any of the subjects in this episode you can find support here.
Iwan Thomas is an Olympic athlete, TV presenter, commentator, Celebrity Masterchef and a dad!
Iwan was a whirlwind of a child and his strict, military dad encouraged him to focus on sport - which turned out brilliantly! After spending many years focussed on sport and being a self-confessed, selfish athlete, at 45 Iwan was ready to become a dad.
His first son, Teddy was rushed to intensive care shortly after birth with the life threatening infection, Group B Strep. Iwan was thrust into being a new parent and not knowing if his son would survive – a situation that was naturally devastating but he found it hard to reach out for support.
Teddy survived his illness and Iwan now has two energetic boys in his life and is working hard to create great memories for his sons every day. He is also spreading awareness of Group B Strep, and how easy it is to prevent passing it onto a baby through birth.
Huge thanks to Iwan for joining us and sharing his story 💙
Time Codes
3:36 – “My dad was strict but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love and nurture me." - Iwan on his dads firm but fair approach to parenting.
8:14 - "When I became a dad I was scared, I didn’t know what I was doing" - Iwan on becoming a parent at 45.
10:34 - "It’s not probably good parenting, but sometimes I have to go for the easy life here and there" - Why we should choose our battles as parents!
13:07 - "There was a bit of nerves but I was so thrilled I was going to be a dad!"
15:41 - "Teddy had Group B Strep... they said “It is very bad" - Iwan shares his son's life threatening illness and how to get tested as an expectant parent.
19:28 - "I find myself rushing back – I want to get home as soon as I can." - How life has changed for Iwan now he is a dad.
23:54 - "He was a dad in the hospital, he’d seen me and he asked if he could come and hug me." - How the kindness of a stranger helped Iwan at the most difficult time.
32:28 - "As a father when he came home, the bond with his mum felt it was stronger than mine, but as a dad you feel a spare part." - Iwan on bonding with his newborn children.
37:00 - "We bring him into our bed. He won’t do it forever... I do whatever works." - Iwan on coping with a child who doesn't sleep well.
40:40 - "It came from the JCB song... I think what a great memory so I bought a 72 year old truck!" - Why Iwan brought a classic car to make memories with his boys!
43:47 - "Becoming a dad myself has made me appreciate my dad even more" - Why Iwan is so thankful to his own dad, for shaping him into the father he is today.
47:49 - Iwan’s dad superpower
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Next Episode
Dadvengers #36 - Josh Connolly
Josh Connolly is making waves in the mental health world. He is one of the UK's most influential mental health advocates and has spoken in the House of Commons, to help shape mental health policy, but life didn’t start there.
Josh grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent, which had a massive impact on his life. He remembers a lot of feelings of fear and shame and by the time he was 12 Josh was using alcohol.
Cut to 24 and Josh was a dad to four children and separated from their mum. That's when he realised he needed to stop drinking. He joined a 12 step programme and got sober, but all the emotions he'd been suppressing came back.
Hearing Josh's story of going from a dark, deep depression, to using his experiences to help other people is truly inspirational. We're so grateful to Josh for joining us 💙
Time Codes
1:51 – " I grew up in quite a frightening environment... one that was steeped in a lot of shame" - Josh shares his upbringing.
4:47 - "When people were telling me to be brave, I think they were terrified of the feelings I needed to express." - Why trying to fix our children's emotions is more difficult than trying to help them.
10:10 - "I have to notice how regularly I can’t be there emotionally for my children and what brings that up." - Josh tells us how he ensures he is there for his children.
15:02 - "Our common belief is men don’t do them... they do them, in a space where they feel it is acceptable and safe" - Josh on men and showing emotions.
18:58 - "It was a terribly dark place for me, but when I made the decision it felt like the right thing to do" - Josh tells us about planning to take his own life, and what stopped him doing it.
23:55 - "I made a commitment to myself to be as gut level honest with myself and the people around me as I could" - What helped Josh seek support when he was at his lowest.
26:48 - "I am a compulsive people pleaser... It is a coping, protection mechanism, but it keeps me alone." - Josh tells us how his childhood still impacts him.
30:12 - "I remember vividly with my first daughter... I thought was you need to get as far away from me as you possibly can, there is no way I can show up for you in the way that you need" - What scared Josh the most when he became a father,
35:18 - "Regrets is different to blame... I was doing the best with the tools that I had at that time." - How Josh reflects on his mental health issues.
38:36 - "Since the time I nearly took my own life... the main bulk of the work I had to do was learn that the ways I felt made sense." - Josh on healing from his childhood and moving forward.
40:49 - "We launched a campaign because we realised that there has never been any funding for children of parents affected by a parents drinking" - Josh's work with NACOA
44:13 - "It is more strange in our society for me to be a sober dad than it was a drunk one." - How society views being sober over drinking as a parent.
46:31 - "Those moments of total presence with my kids is what I live for... they’re beautiful." - Josh's favourite part about parenting, and how he achieves it.
49:56 - Josh's Dad Superpower!
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