The Lies We Tell Ourselves - It's Easier if I Do it Myself

08/18/22 • 11 min

Crash Courses in Communication with Alex Perry

I thought it was time to do a little series, and I'm excited to talk with you about the lies we tell at work because we lie, ya know? Now there are all kinds of lies that we tell, but I think some of the most tragic lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. It's often these lies that keep us from communicating effectively with each other. They keep us from having conversations that would make our work (and lives) easier in the long run.

The first line I'm tackling is; "It's easier if I just do it myself."

Ohhhhhh, it's a good one. I know how to do XYZ best, I've been doing it longer, I can do it better, etc., etc. If they do it and screw up, it will take more work to fix in the long run. Oh, sure, it may seem easier to do it yourself, and maybe you do save time in the long run. But are you telling yourself the truth?

When you say, "It's easier to do it myself," are you saying... I don't trust those around me to do the job right. Ouch.

If you find yourself saying, "It's easier if I just do it myself." Stop before going further and ask if that's true. Really true. Sure, it might save you time in the short run, but what's it costing you long term?

Are you creating dependents when you want others to be independent? Are you stifling someone else's growth and development because you don't want to spend the time teaching them? Is this a pride issue for you? Do you think that just because you do something well that others can't, or even worse, they might be able to do it better than you?

Are you crushing team creativity because you believe a leader needs to know "everything?". What does it say to your team, colleagues, and leaders when you are unwilling or unable to ask for or let someone else help?

These are tough questions that I can't answer for you. Only you can. I can tell you what I've learned for myself and from coaching others. And that's when I say, "It's easier to do it myself." What I mean is I'm not willing to trust someone else to do the work or take the time to teach someone else to do the work, or I'm afraid to let someone else fail on my watch because it might reflect poorly on me.

These are hard truths, and it's important to talk about them because we don't get better when we tell ourselves lies.

We get better when we recognize that we're willing to let go, willing to teach, and willing to fail; we gain so much more than when we try to do it all on our own.

That's it for today. Thank you for listening! If you found today's Crash Course helpful, please share it with your colleagues and friends and hit the subscribe button so you don't miss an episode. It's great talking with you. Keep going strong, my friend; remember that I'm always your front-row fan.

Connect with me on

LinkedIn Alex Perry

Instagram @pswithalex

The first line I'm tackling is; "It's easier if I just do it myself."

When you say, "It's easier to do it myself," are you saying... I don't trust those around me to do the job right. Ouch.

These are hard truths, and it's important to talk about them because we don't get better when we tell ourselves lies.

We get better when we recognize that we're willing to let go, willing to teach, and willing to fail; we gain so much more than when we try to do it all on our own.

Connect with me on

LinkedIn Alex Perry

Instagram @pswithalex

Previous Episode

Should I Use Notes?

Today we’re talking about whether you should use notes when you present.

The struggle is real. If you’ve presented, you’ve probably wondered how is it OK to use notes? Am I going to look like a dork if I use notes? Will people think I don’t know what I’m talking about if I use notes? Or have you ever tried to use notes only to find yourself lost in the jumble of your own incoherent writing? Maybe you’ve watched someone else use notes and thought they did a terrible job. I hear you, and I’ve had so many of the same thoughts.

Asking yourself about using notes is a good idea. And there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer; you're not a robot. Not all presentations are created equally, and context matters. So a better question to ask is, "Do I need to use notes?" I object to the word "should" as it's often associated with shame, and lord knows presenting can be stressful enough that we don't need to add shaming ourselves to the mix. Using notes isn't good or bad; it's context-dependent, and it's up to you to determine whether or not to use them.

You may need to use notes because you're: -new to the content you're delivering -anxious and having notes makes you feel better -covering a lot of material over a long period of time and memorization isn't possible

You may not need to use notes because: -you've mastered the content and flow of the presentation -you memorized for a specific purpose (e.g., a TEDx talk) -you've practiced enough to deliver without them

I see folks who underestimate and overestimate their ability to speak without notes, and both types of speakers suffer for it.

So what's my final answer on notes?

It's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared. Practice enough that you feel comfortable enough to make it through with little to no use of your notes but have them at the ready just in case you get off track.

Connect with me on

LinkedIn Alex Perry

Instagram @pswithalex

Next Episode

How to Ask for What You Want

Asking is awkward. We stumble around our words or avoid asking because sometimes it seems easier to do without. There are times when I say to myself... "I don't really need help; I can handle this on my own." Then I work twice as hard while being mad about doing it all myself. Or when I want to have a conversation with someone I perceive as having more power than me, I don't ask because I think, "I'll be bothering them." I miss the opportunity to connect and learn. Or sometimes it's as simple as wanting my hubby to take out the trash but not asking because "He's just supposed to know that's what I want." Can you relate? Asking can be challenging because it makes us feel vulnerable. It's a hit to the ego, reminding us that we don't know everything, and we need other people to help. Ouch. The good news is that you can get better at asking and get more of what you want. I'll walk through my process. 1. Determine what you want. Seriously, this is the first step. Do yourself and the other person/people a favor by first figuring out what you need/want. 2. Determine the best person to ask. In business, this is the person with decision-making power. If you don't know who has the power, ask around first. You'll save yourself time and frustration. 3. Choose the appropriate time and channel. This is key if you're making a big ask, e.g., a raise, funding for a project, approval for a new hire; you want to do that face to face or voice to voice at a time that makes sense for the other person. Save email, text, and other messaging apps for simple requests. 4. Make the ask. Muster up your courage and get right to it. Lead with what you need/want. Be ready for questions and let go of the outcome. Sometimes no means not yet. I can't guarantee you that you'll get what you want if you follow these steps. I can guarantee that the more you practice, the better you'll get. Give these and try and let me know how they work for you. I'm rooting for you.

Connect with me on

LinkedIn Alex Perry

Instagram @pswithalex