EP4: How To Deal With Grief When Coming Out

10/25/21 • 19 min

“Coming-Out-Late Grief: It’s Real”

‘Life' is full of uncertainty, discomfort and pain, as well as joy, peace and freedom. It is when we master the art of being comfortable with discomfort and uncertainty, that we have mastered the art of living life - not just surviving it.

Why should our coming out late journey be any different? It is in the discomfort, the uncertainty and the grief in which our growth can occur and our souls may soar. Grief is not only an expected part of ‘life’, but it will also be an expected and painful part of our coming out late process! This journey you are on is not easy - - but it is well worth it all, in the end. And the good news is - - everyone will survive the grieving process and your coming out late journey - - it just takes time - - a lot of time and patience!

In this episode, you will learn...

That your grief, sadness and pain is very real, and to be expected. That mourning and grieving during your coming-out journey is ‘normal’, and doesn’t just happen once, but does lessen over time. Give yourself plenty of love, grace and space to simply ‘be’.
That you are going through a metamorphosis of sorts; you will be shedding old ‘skin’ and rebirthing a new identity. With those significant changes come intense feelings; heavy, deeply-felt feelings. Feel them all. Feeling them all gives them credence and in doing so allows them to ‘pass through you’ more freely and quickly.
Why it’s critical that you cry - and cry often! Let your tears flow, and flow freely and flow often. Crying is not a weakness - it is a necessary and natural process in the release of toxins and emotions that simply must come out - just like you must come out.

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian

Email Robin at: [email protected]

Looking for your coming-out late community? Request to be a member of the Coming Out Late Community Facebook Group, a private and secure group of late blooming lesbians, at: www.facebook/ComingOutLateCommunity (You must fill out all the registration questions.)

Coming out later in life has its fair share of stress and challenges. Be sure to take good care of your mental health during this trying time. Contact Pride Counseling and book an appointment at: www.pridecounseling.com/comingoutlater.

“Coming-Out-Late Grief: It’s Real”

In this episode, you will learn...

That your grief, sadness and pain is very real, and to be expected. That mourning and grieving during your coming-out journey is ‘normal’, and doesn’t just happen once, but does lessen over time. Give yourself plenty of love, grace and space to simply ‘be’.
That you are going through a metamorphosis of sorts; you will be shedding old ‘skin’ and rebirthing a new identity. With those significant changes come intense feelings; heavy, deeply-felt feelings. Feel them all. Feeling them all gives them credence and in doing so allows them to ‘pass through you’ more freely and quickly.
Why it’s critical that you cry - and cry often! Let your tears flow, and flow freely and flow often. Crying is not a weakness - it is a necessary and natural process in the release of toxins and emotions that simply must come out - just like you must come out.

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian

Email Robin at: [email protected]

Previous Episode

Ep. #3: Were There Any Signs of "Gayness" When I Was Young?

“You Are Not Alone: Q’s Read from FB”

Your journey is just that - YOUR journey - no one else’s!

IF you choose to ‘come out’, (and how and when), it is 1000% completely YOUR decision! Whether you’ve always known you are gay, or just now figuring out that you may be bi-sexual, pansexual, demisexual, lesbian, or embrace no label at all, that is your business. If you are questioning your sexuality, it is only your business to explore and figure out. And there’s no rush in figuring this out either - this is not a race, in fact, it is definitely not even a sprint - our exploration and self-reflection is more of a marathon. Take it slowly and deliberately. Take your time, and reach out to other like-minded women in the Facebook group, Coming Out Late Community.

In this episode, you will learn about...

How hearing other women’s ‘coming out later in life’ stories can provide such relief, and realize that you are not alone - that there are so many women like ‘us’!
The many, many different forms of how a family can look after coming out - and that it’s you and your husband/stbxh/partners’joint decision to choose the ‘look’ and logistics that work best for your situation!And know that nothing is set in stone - if it’s not working out, make modifications and try something different.
How keeping the lines of communication wide-open, and ongoing, between you and your (male) partner is vital during this new journey that you (both) are going through.
How other women feel and deal with their own awakening and coming-out process when Robin reads and comments on several FB posts and questions from some of the different ‘coming out late’ Facebook groups. Again, you won’t feel alone after hearing the stories, comments and “Aha!” moments from other women!

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian

Next Episode

Ep. #5: Late Bloomer Lesbians, Robin Douglass & Kari DeWitt Talk About All-Things Coming Out Late

Robin and Kari take a stroll down memory lane, sharing and retelling their stories of coming out later in life, as well as exploring the ‘opportunities’ that come with this journey. They discuss the ‘snow globe’ theory, facing our fears, naming and labeling ourselves, and learning from our break-ups, to name a few.

In this episode, you will learn...

Kari’s coming out story. “Three years ago I came out to me, and me only!”
You are not alone. You are not the only one!
Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Get excited about the new opportunities.
The importance of support. Who am I? I just don’t know who I am!
Should I immediately jump into a relationship? Or should I wait, remain single, and ‘work on me’ first?
Feeling the feels. Feel all your feelings. Sit with them, and acknowledge them.
To label or not to label? It doesn’t matter because it’s up to you. There are no rules to what we call ourselves - if anything at all. Saying ‘those words’ out loud.

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian And for an invitation to her private Women Loving Women support groups on Zoom, email Robin at: [email protected]

Looking for your coming-out-late community? Request to be a member of the Coming Out Late Community Facebook Group, a private and secure group of late blooming lesbians, at: www.facebook.com/ComingOutLateCommunity (Please fill out all the registration questions.)

You can find Kari DeWitt on nearly all the social media platforms like Instagram and Tik Tok, (@KariDeWitt), as well as on her hugely popular private Facebook Group, Late Bloomer Lesbians: www.facebook.com/latebloomerlesbians. Kari’s website is: www.karingtransformation.com