EP2: How Do I Know If I’m Really Gay? (And, What If I’m Wrong?)

10/11/21 • 22 min

Some of us went a lifetime having ‘no clue’ we were attracted to women until much later in life. Others, on the other hand, always knew they ‘liked girls’, but stuffed it down, way down. Internal homophobia, deep-seeded homophobic denial, and compulsory-heteronormativity all played a huge role in delaying, and denying, our journey to discovering and embracing our true selves. One thing we late-bloomers know for sure is, if we were straight, we sure as heck wouldn’t be asking ourselves if we weren’t! But don’t take our word for it, keep listening to the Coming Out Late Podcast and hear the similarities in our stories.

In this episode, you will learn about...

How Robin figured out she’s gay, (using her unique ‘research technique’)

How many of us get to the point of: “Ok. Enough is enough already. I have to figure this out! Why am I feeling this way toward women? ”

“So this IS a ‘thing’. It isn’t just me.”

Robin’s theory on her own deep homophobic denial

A few podcasts and books specifically for women questioning their sexuality

Links to resources:

The podcast that inspired me to become a Life Strategist for the late-blooming Community is The Lesbian Chronicles Podcast at: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life/id1468550568

Another awesome, private and safe Facebook group to check out is, Late Bloomer Lesbians at: www.facebook.com/latebloomerlesbians

A few books I first read when I was questioning my sexuality were: Fleisher, Joanne, Living Two Lives: Married to a Man & In Love with a Woman, and Waters, Dawn Elizabeth, Switching Teams: What Coming Out Later in Life Taught Me About Love, Conquering Fear, and Accepting Change, and McCoy, Robin, Late Bloomers: Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty.

Take care of your mental health and book an appointment now with Pride Counseling at: www.pridecounseling.com/comingoutlater.

Looking for your coming-out late community? Ask to join Robin’s private Facebook group at: www.facebook/ComingOutLateCommunity (You must fill out all the registration questions.) Once approved, you’ll find flyers announcing the ever-popular Women Loving Women zoom room.

In this episode, you will learn about...

How Robin figured out she’s gay, (using her unique ‘research technique’)

How many of us get to the point of: “Ok. Enough is enough already. I have to figure this out! Why am I feeling this way toward women? ”

“So this IS a ‘thing’. It isn’t just me.”

Robin’s theory on her own deep homophobic denial

A few podcasts and books specifically for women questioning their sexuality

Links to resources:

Another awesome, private and safe Facebook group to check out is, Late Bloomer Lesbians at: www.facebook.com/latebloomerlesbians

Take care of your mental health and book an appointment now with Pride Counseling at: www.pridecounseling.com/comingoutlater.

Previous Episode

Ep. #1: Holy Sh!t! I’m Gay!

How does one “follow the bread crumbs” to discover and/or confirm if they are gay or not? Great question! Married to a man for nearly 30-years, Robin had her “Aha!” moment literally on her 54th birthday. (No. That’s not a typo. She came out to herself at 54-years of age!) Robin takes you on her journey from those first vague and sporadic inner stirrings she felt about women to finally figuring out “what was wrong with her”. Robin shares with us how she cracked-her-case that had been plaguing her and brewing within her for decades - yet seemingly laid dormant throughout her lifetime.

In this episode, you will learn about...

What you can expect from this and future episodes of the Coming Out Late Podcast
Robins’ coming-out story and how she eventually came out to herself
The events and clues that led-up to Robins’ “Aha!” moment
Compulsory-heteronormativity and internalized homophobia
How did Robin figure out she’s gay? (Cliffhanger Clue: My Secret Research Project, explained in Episode #2 of the Coming Out Late Podcast.)

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian

Looking for your coming-out late community? Request to be a member of the Coming Out Late Community Facebook Group, a private and secure group of late blooming lesbians, at: www.facebook/ComingOutLateCommunity (You must fill out all the registration questions.)

Coming out later in life has its fair share of stress and challenges. Be sure to be taking care of your mental health during this trying time. Contact Pride Counseling at: Take care of your mental health and book an appointment now with Pride Counseling now at: www.pridecounseling.com/comingoutlater.

Next Episode

Ep. #3: Were There Any Signs of "Gayness" When I Was Young?

“You Are Not Alone: Q’s Read from FB”

Your journey is just that - YOUR journey - no one else’s!

IF you choose to ‘come out’, (and how and when), it is 1000% completely YOUR decision! Whether you’ve always known you are gay, or just now figuring out that you may be bi-sexual, pansexual, demisexual, lesbian, or embrace no label at all, that is your business. If you are questioning your sexuality, it is only your business to explore and figure out. And there’s no rush in figuring this out either - this is not a race, in fact, it is definitely not even a sprint - our exploration and self-reflection is more of a marathon. Take it slowly and deliberately. Take your time, and reach out to other like-minded women in the Facebook group, Coming Out Late Community.

In this episode, you will learn about...

How hearing other women’s ‘coming out later in life’ stories can provide such relief, and realize that you are not alone - that there are so many women like ‘us’!
The many, many different forms of how a family can look after coming out - and that it’s you and your husband/stbxh/partners’joint decision to choose the ‘look’ and logistics that work best for your situation!And know that nothing is set in stone - if it’s not working out, make modifications and try something different.
How keeping the lines of communication wide-open, and ongoing, between you and your (male) partner is vital during this new journey that you (both) are going through.
How other women feel and deal with their own awakening and coming-out process when Robin reads and comments on several FB posts and questions from some of the different ‘coming out late’ Facebook groups. Again, you won’t feel alone after hearing the stories, comments and “Aha!” moments from other women!

Links to resources:

You can follow Robin on Instagram at www.instagram.com/Late.Blooming.Lesbian

Looking for your coming-out late community? Request to be a member of the Coming Out Late Community Facebook Group, a private and secure group of late blooming lesbians, at: www.facebook/ComingOutLateCommunity (You must fill out all the registration questions.)

Coming out later in life has its fair share of stress and challenges. Be sure to take good care of your mental health during this trying time. Contact Pride Counseling and book an appointment at: www.pridecounseling.com/comingoutlater.