Closing Crawl

Thank the Maker! for this one off appearance of the greatest man in Star Wars. Also Jared has an off night if you're into watching great men falter. Closing Crawl rescues Star Wars: The Clone Wars Season 3, Episode 4: Sphere of Influence.

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Closing Crawl drafts American Gladiators, and avoids judging books by their cover in this inexplicably long podcast covering Clone Wars Season 3, Episodes 1 and 2 Clone Cadets and ARC Troopers.

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Jared's R-Rated Michael Winslow as Michael Wincott earn this episode an Explicit tag, closing crawl goes deep - probably too deep - on this 23 minute episode. Mention code WHIRLY for a 5% discount
We recap Star Wars, The Clone Wars: Season 2, Episode 17: Bounty Hunters.

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Mercy Mission Synopsis:

Radio Announcer: Tragedy has struck Aleen.

On the way down to the planet the clones see an Aleena riding a giant insect thing and says ‘Great, it’s going to be another one of those planets’ in case you’d forgotten that teenage boys are the absolute worst. The design of the Aleena suggests that Brian Froud has snuck into Lucasfilm; let’s see if we get a darkly whimsical fairytale allegory that will give kids nightmares. Or even David Bowie’s crotch (fingers crossed!).

3PO promptly falls down the hole and R2, who is always down for a weird LSD trip, is right behind him. They start walking and are immediately swarmed by faeries. They enter a subterranean world that immediately references Dagobah. Revelation here we come. 3PO and R2 meet the Kindaloo, who look like an Ent and a Landstrider got lost in a Piers Anthony novel.

The Kindaloo see a potential solution in 3PO and send him to see Orphne. The faeries coalesce into Orphne who promptly tastes 3PO in case you didn't know which kind of faerie queen we were dealing with. Orphne says that 3PO will do what he is meant to do and gives a riddle. Fortunately 3PO’s speciality is riddles and Never Ending Story references, so he gets to work. R2, who is basically Puck, gets there first and pees on the right floor symbol and unlocks a water elevator into a flower and 3PO and R2 are spit back onto the surface. Underground vapors remember that they exist and commence to poison the Aleena.

R2 and 3PO, because they don’t breathe, are able to seal the breach and bring peace back to Aleen. A small Aleena does what we all wanted to do as kids and hugs R2 in thanks. The clones are still being giant wangs. The end.

Nomad Droids Synopsis:

We open on 3PO Spacetiming (TM) with Padme to tell her of their adventures. The cruiser gets attacked by Grievous.

R2 and 3PO “commandeer” a Y-wing and the two end up crashing on a nearby planet. The locals attack, but they’re only about 6” tall. The Lilliputians proceed to pull a Gulliver’s Travels on the two droids. While bumping proverbial chests with the king, R2 is knocked over by 3PO and crushes him to death... 3PO decides to instill democracy upon them, but that quickly descends into voter fraud (no joke).

The droids leave the planet on their newly repaired Y-wing, but don’t have enough power, so they land on another nearby planet. They’re brought to this planet’s leader, some repair droids doing a great and powerful OZ impression. The locals revolt and destroy the hologram and lightning producing machine, causing R2 and 3PO to wander away as their power reserves fall to zero.
The clones and Jedi run across the pair. We end the episode with 3PO telling their story to a captive and unwilling audience in Commander Wolffe.

The Clone Wars: Season 4 Episodes 5 and 6: https://www.disneyplus.com/video/1d717a67-fdce-4404-aed6-3cca361e0946

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We depart the Adventure genre for the War is Hell genre, as the clones decide whether or not to follow General Krell up river. With the spotlight on Rex and the Clones - how will they account themselves when faced with treason and fratricide?
Plan of Dissent: This episode’s JFC is “The wise man leads, the strong man follows.” Our RA summarizes the last two episodes, which involves Jedi Master Krell leading Rex’s and Anakin’s clone squadron into slaughter on the planet of Umbara while the clones are growing tired of dying needlessly and start to rebel.

We cut to Obi-Wan informing Krell and Rex that a supply ship in orbit above the capital is continuing to give weapons to the enemy, and that Obi-Wan and team are unable to take it out due to some support ships that haven’t shown up yet. Rex and team have cracked the Umbarin security codes and could fly the captured ships from the base covertly into battle, but Krell wants no part in that. They’ll take the capital the best way possible, from the ground!

Fives, Jesse, and Hardcase disobey orders and take three fighters into the battle over the capital to blow up the supply ship “from the inside, just like General Skywalker did when he was a boy”. Once inside the supply ship, the ray-shields prevent the smaller fighters from making a dent, but Hardwire jumps to the ground and goes through doors into the reactor core to blow it up... sacrificing himself in the process.

Fives and Jesse return to the base, but Krell plans to court-martial them for their “insurrection”.

Carnage of Krell: This episode’s JFC is “Our actions define our legacy.” After the RA’s summary, we cut to Rex pleading with Krell to save Fives and Jesse, but Krell now orders their immediate execution. Dogma is excited to see the traitors receive their just desserts, but the executioners refuse to pull the trigger. When Rex goes to report this to Krell, an incoming message shows that Umbarans have stolen clone armor and weapons, and are hiding amongst clones to confuse them... this works, which causes clone-on-clone violence as two squads come across each other and proceed to ready-fire-aim with their new don’t ask/don’t tell policy on being a clone under the helmet. Waxer, with his final breath, reveals that it was Krell that ordered his squad to attack Rex’s squad of “undercover Umbarans”.

After seeing the tragedy of killing their own brothers, Rex and the clones go to arrest Krell for treason. But taking out a four-armed jedi is no easy task. “I will not be undermined by some creatures bred in a laboratory.” On the chase for Krell after he jumps out a window, Dogma tries to stop Rex, but is taken to the brig. Krell proceeds to unleash the eponymous “Carnage” upon the clones in the jungle outside the base. Tup lures Krell towards an oversized venus flytrap, which gives the clones the distraction, and extra arms, needed to subdue Krell with a stun shot. Krell, now in his cell, reveals that he was auditioning for Count Dooku and was counting on clones like Dogma and their blind loyalty to help him achieve his goals.

With the capital city now captured by Obi-Wan, the Umbarans decide to make the clone-occupied base their final assault. Rex knows that Krell cannot be captured / released by the Umbarins since he’ll reveal all the republic’s secret codes and locations to the separatists. When Rex hesitates to pull the trigger, Dogma does the deed. As they prepare to leave, Rex reveals the beginning of his existential crisis. “When the war is over, what happens to us then?

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