Episode 202: How to Create Your Own "Order of Things" with Author Sarah Gormley

07/30/24 • 36 min

I’m a gold star chaser.... If you just give the right answer, everybody’s happy. I started this pattern of doing what my parents and the world wanted. It took me a long time to figure out there’s another way.... The gold stars make it really easy to ignore your gut.

Sarah Gormley

Author of The Order of Things

Have you ever done something not because you wanted to, but because you thought you were “supposed” to?

From the time we’re young, we learn what we’re “supposed” to do. Behave, answer the test questions correctly, make the right choices. But what if the “right” choices are wrong for us? What if we do what we’re “supposed” to do but don’t get the result we’ve been promised?

By all outward standards, Sarah Gormley did what she was supposed to do. She had a great career in corporate America, lived in New York and was highly successful. But she didn’t feel successful, or happy. It wasn’t until Sarah’s mother received a devastating health diagnosis that Sarah began to reevaluate her life and her choices.

In her poignant, humor-filled new book, The Order of Things, Sarah tells how a return to her childhood home on a farm in Ohio made her reevaluate her choices as a “gold star chaser.” A believer in both therapy and self-reflection, Sarah describes The Order of Things as a “self-hope” book, offering a true story that reminds the reader it’s never too late to live the life you are meant to live and to discover joy.

Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we’ve seen how easy it is to get lost in what the world says we should want and do to make us happy. It often takes a sucker punch or train wreck that, while initially devastating, can be the push we need to make decisions that are right for us, not the rest of the world. It takes courage, intention and a willingness to be vulnerable, but as Sarah confirms, it's oh so worth it.

For updates on The Order of Things, check out Sarah on Instagram at @scgormley. Order your copy of The Order of Things here, and tune into the podcast for these additional bits of Brilliance from Sarah:

If I go do the “things,” I’ll catch up. I’ll start to feel better because I’m doing the “things.”
That’s what I thought the order was...go do these things and life will be fulfilling. I thought there was an equation. Well guess what? There’s no equation.
One of the best things about therapy was that it helped me to understand things. What helped me recalibrate was understanding my childhood differently. If you understand things differently, a lot of anger and pain evaporate.
Why is it so terrifying to be our most genuine selves?
I love the term ‘recalibraiton.’ It’s about making little changes.
Sometimes nothing is more unexpected than joy.

Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

Sarah Gormley

Author of The Order of Things

Have you ever done something not because you wanted to, but because you thought you were “supposed” to?

If I go do the “things,” I’ll catch up. I’ll start to feel better because I’m doing the “things.”
That’s what I thought the order was...go do these things and life will be fulfilling. I thought there was an equation. Well guess what? There’s no equation.
One of the best things about therapy was that it helped me to understand things. What helped me recalibrate was understanding my childhood differently. If you understand things differently, a lot of anger and pain evaporate.
Why is it so terrifying to be our most genuine selves?
I love the term ‘recalibraiton.’ It’s about making little changes.
Sometimes nothing is more unexpected than joy.

Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!

XO,

Mary Fran

Previous Episode

Episode 201: Ending Food Insecurity while Offering Dignity and Respect with the Warminster Food Bank

Food insecurity relates to choices that people have to make economically. The choice between a prescription drug or buying food; the choice between buying gas or buying food, the choice between buying school supplies and buying food. We serve over 3,000 local families a year--a definitive need that lies below the surface.

Mike Cerino: Executive Director, Warminster Food Bank

When was the last time you ate? When was the last time you stopped at a Walgreens or CVS to pick up a necessary prescription, or drove to Costco to fill your car up with gas?

Now, when was the last time you had to choose between those things because you couldn't afford to take care of all three?

Mike Cerino is Executive Director of the Warminster Food Bank, located in Warminster, PA. Along with his assistant Melody Latare and other volunteers, Mike sees people forced to make such choices all too often.

Food insecurity can affect anyone at any time, given a sudden illness, job loss, or other challenging circumstances. Yet in the suburbs of large cities, as Warminster is to Philadelphia, food insecurity is unexpected and therefore often hidden in plain sight. The problem is compounded by the shame and embarrassment frequently felt by those in need.

The Warminster Food Bank strives to not only meet their guests' physical needs, but to treat each person with dignity and respect, building community and shared humanity along the way. Mike and Melody note that volunteers often get just as much out of their service to others as those receiving assistance.

Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we recognize the power of service, both to those served as well as those offering their service. We also know the importance of refusing to judge others' circumstances and instead bringing our transferable skills to help in any way possible.

With a budget that's risen by $4000/month since Covid, and at this time of year, the Warminster Food Bank is in greater need of food to serve those in need. Please visit www.warminsterfoodbank.org for a list of current foods needed, and to learn more. Tune in for these additional bits of Brilliance from Mike and Melody:

I'm tired of people saying others show up in expensive cars to get a basket of food. When the Escalade you're driving becomes your house, it's not that an impressive a car any more.
People are embarrassed and ashamed. The more we build awareness in the community, the more people will be able to come to us. The stigma of it will disappear.
There's a hunger for people to be treated with dignity; there's a hunger for people to be treated with respect. That's (also) the hunger that we serve, which is why we call the people we serve our "guests."
Food isn't a gift or a privilege, it's a right.
Vision: To reduce or eliminate local food insecurity. Mission: To provide services to those in need in a way that preserves dignity and respect. Passion: to offer an outlet to those who want to help others so they can improve their lives.

Be of service and share your Brilliance. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together.

XO,

Mary Fran

Next Episode

Episode 203: Adaptive, Sensory-Friendly Clothing for Kids with "Sense-ational You" Founder Julia DeNey!

I led an independent study on making adaptive clothing for autistic children in partnership with a preschool....I couldn’t get a job during Covid so I started working in special education and trying to figure out how to turn the study into a brand. I could see how these kids were really struggling with things and how we could add sensory tools to clothing to help these kids throughout their days.

~Julia DeNey, Founder "Sense-ational You" Clothing

Have you ever had a tag rub against your neck in your clothing? The sensation is irritating, to say the least. But to a neurodivergent child with a sensory disorder, the feeling can be like a knife cutting the skin, sending the child into sensory overload and causing major challenges to just making it through the day.

Julia DeNey graduated from Cornell University with a B.S. in Fashion Design in 2020. During her college years, Julia also established and ran a volunteer organization in partnership with an area preschool for autistic children. After hearing the concerns of both teachers and parents, Julia began to think about using her fashion degree to design clothes to empower special needs children and help them navigate their world.

As Julia explains it, neurodivergent kids experience the world differently. That can mean anything from autism, to ADHA, to sensory processing orders and beyond. Sometimes, sensory overload means exactly that—a child cannot process one additional sensation and loses control. Julia wanted to create clothing with tools built into it to help kids manage their reactions and emotions, allowing them to feel in control in a world that can easily overwhelm them.

She says, “I wanted this fashion to be used to not only make the clothes more stylish, but more useful for their needs.We have a hoodie with built in sound reduction and an eye mask for a sensory avoider and an adjustable sensory compression vest for sensory seekers. The kids can have their own little sensory break just with what they’re wearing.“

Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that when we combine our inherent talents with learned skills and then stir in some passion, Brilliance is born, and Sense-ational You is a perfect example. Tune in to this week’s episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Julia’s strategies to build resilience in neurodivergent kids and listen for these additional Bits of Brilliance:

Adaptive clothing is clothing that’s specifically designed for people who have different disabilities and needs so that clothing is more accessible to them. They can put the clothing on themselves and it’s more comfortable.
When people don’t recognize that others may experience things differently, those sensory needs are often categorized as being difficult, or dramatic, or they just need to get over it or they’re spoiled and you’re catering to them too much. That’s where the education comes in because it’s not a little thing to them. Their cup of sensory input is full and they just can’t handle it anymore. To say just learn to deal with it isn’t the answer because it’s not always the (same thing), it’s whatever makes their cup overflow in that moment.
For kids who have sensitivities, it feels like a tag can be cutting into them. We can’t compare what we experience to what they are experiencing.... Our clothing is sensory friendly. There are no tags and all of the seams are flat, so nothing rubs against you. We also added additional sensory tools into the clothing, whether they are a sensory avoider or a sensory seeker.
Having some of these tools in the clothing itself means it’s one less thing for parents to remember to carry around because parents never have enough hands. The tee shirt I designed has compression built into it if the child needs it.
Allowing kids to have some control is incredibly empowering and really comforting and eases a lot of anxiety. They think -- Well if I have this garment on I know that I”ll be able to control what I’m experiencing -- to a degree.
The ability to dress and undress yourself can be really hard for special needs kids. That’s why we have magnetic closures and elastic waistbands...it allows kids to gain that skill and work on their fine motor skills...and allows more convenience and independence in dressing.
It’s so important to talk about this (special needs and neurodiversity) and normalize this so that future generations understand it. These clothes help to create more universal acceptance of these differences.

Follow Julia via the links below, and Let’s be Brilliantly Resilient together!

Website Link: https://shopsenseationalyou.com/

Instagram Link: https://www.instagram.com/senseational_you/