#105 How To Cope With Change After A Breakup With Gary Szenderski
11/01/17 • 18 min
A breakup often involves many changes; there can be a change in your living arrangements, your routines, your status, your wealth and for the children, all of which can be overwhelming. Change for most people can be difficult, and it can be especially challenging if you didn’t want the change in the first place. You can feel that you have lost control and the things that you would normally be able to handle with easy can suddenly feel demanding.
Gary believes that everybody has the power to handle the changes in their life after a breakup. Once you change your perspective and start to see the opportunities and the good things that are happening for you, once you start making decisions that need to be made you start to feel the control come back into your life. Gary’s first major decision was to move his ex-wife and children closer to him.
Men are wired differently to women look at breakups from a different perspective. While men often worry about the necessaries like putting a roof over their families heads, making sure they provide a lifestyle and make ends meet, women come from a more holistic approach.
One of the strategies Gary used to help him through his divorce was to focus on starting a new company, which he put his heart and soul into; it bought positive energy into his day. He was angry at his ex-wife for the breakup and could see this anger was affecting the children so he made a conscious decision to change the anger into love, and once he did this the children felt a lot better, his anger issue disappeared. People often don’t think that have the power to change their thought so they don’t try.
Gary wakes up every morning and wonders what wonderful thing is going to happen to him today and then spends the rest of the day looking for it to happen. Gratitude is underrated and the more you appreciate what is coming to you the more it comes into your life. If you ask for help people will give it to you and the help and support comes from family, friends and the people that you work with.
Garry’s book ‘Szen Zone: Reaching a State of Positive Change’ is a compilation of heart warming and inspirational short stories that celebrate the power in each of us to create positive change in our lives. The general overarching theme of the book is change and all of the aspects of it - creating, surviving, and managing change with the goal to recognize the power we have to create positive change in our lives and be what we want to be.
To find out more about Gary Szenderski go to www.szenzone.com and Szen marketing – www.szen.us and twitter @GarySzenderski
A breakup often involves many changes; there can be a change in your living arrangements, your routines, your status, your wealth and for the children, all of which can be overwhelming. Change for most people can be difficult, and it can be especially challenging if you didn’t want the change in the first place. You can feel that you have lost control and the things that you would normally be able to handle with easy can suddenly feel demanding.
Gary believes that everybody has the power to handle the changes in their life after a breakup. Once you change your perspective and start to see the opportunities and the good things that are happening for you, once you start making decisions that need to be made you start to feel the control come back into your life. Gary’s first major decision was to move his ex-wife and children closer to him.
Men are wired differently to women look at breakups from a different perspective. While men often worry about the necessaries like putting a roof over their families heads, making sure they provide a lifestyle and make ends meet, women come from a more holistic approach.
One of the strategies Gary used to help him through his divorce was to focus on starting a new company, which he put his heart and soul into; it bought positive energy into his day. He was angry at his ex-wife for the breakup and could see this anger was affecting the children so he made a conscious decision to change the anger into love, and once he did this the children felt a lot better, his anger issue disappeared. People often don’t think that have the power to change their thought so they don’t try.
Gary wakes up every morning and wonders what wonderful thing is going to happen to him today and then spends the rest of the day looking for it to happen. Gratitude is underrated and the more you appreciate what is coming to you the more it comes into your life. If you ask for help people will give it to you and the help and support comes from family, friends and the people that you work with.
Garry’s book ‘Szen Zone: Reaching a State of Positive Change’ is a compilation of heart warming and inspirational short stories that celebrate the power in each of us to create positive change in our lives. The general overarching theme of the book is change and all of the aspects of it - creating, surviving, and managing change with the goal to recognize the power we have to create positive change in our lives and be what we want to be.
To find out more about Gary Szenderski go to www.szenzone.com and Szen marketing – www.szen.us and twitter @GarySzenderski
Previous Episode
#104 What To Do When You Get A Breakup Text Out Of The Blue From Your Husband Of 16 Years with Lisa Arends
Lisa’s life felt like a movie gone bad when she received a text whilst on holidays from her husband of 16 years telling her the marriage was over. And that was the last piece of correspondence she ever had from her husband. After some digging Lisa found that her husband had been living a double life, he had manufactured a job he didn’t have, he fabricated an income, racked up a 6-figure debt and had married another woman therefore committing felony bigamy.
Lisa felt completely alone, and started to journal her story as therapy, which soon become her blog ‘Lessons from the end of a marriage’ with the intention to help other people who were facing similar situations. The blog also shares stories on how to survive divorce, life in general, how to overcome abandonment, emotional abuse and gaslighting, which Lisa experienced.
People often struggle with the length of time it can take to get over a breakup, and want to feel better right away. They often get down on themselves when they don’t feel better on the time frame they have allowed.
Having gratitude is an amazing and powerful tool that can be used to help train the mind to focus on all the good things that are happening in your life, rather than giving attention the bad things that are occurring after a breakup.
Another of Lisa’s tips is to start a journal, not just for dumping all your emotions and feelings in it and keeping you at the pity party. Divide the journal into three sections, the first section is for purging and get out all the pain ad the past. The second one is for the present, what you are thankful for right now, and for some problem solving. The third and last section is for your future hopes and dreams. They don’t have to feel attainable right now and that’s ok, its more for thinking forward and keeping the hope alive.
Lisa believes that people can get stuck in thinking that things will never be the same and they will never be happy. However things can be different and that is ok and could even be better. Having balance in your life is also important, not focusing too much on your troubles and worries, but spending time enjoying yourself and bringing happiness back into your life.
Lisa’s blog can be found @ lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com and follow on twitter @stilllearning2b
Next Episode
#106 Discover The Secrets To Successful Relationships with Chris Armstrong
Chris is a relationship coach and in this episode we discuss how to Chris navigated his own breakup, how to sustain a successful relationship, the importance of knowing what we want and need in a partner, the significance of loving ourselves and how to achieving self love.
When Chris Armstrong went through his own breakup he let some time go by before he explored at the breakdown of his relationship. By taking this time he was able to look at it with a clear head. He filled his spare time with meaningful activities that he enjoyed doing. He talked to people that had a authentic interest and desire to understand how he was doing.
Understanding your non-negotiable traits that you need in a person is one of the keys to sustaining a successful relationship. So often people put their heart before their head or focus on finding someone that is the opposite to their ex-partner rather than looking for the qualities that are nonnegotiable like their personality, physical aspects and lifestyle traits.
Chris also explained how your self-confidence or lack there of has a huge impact on your relationships. If you are lacking self confidence, if you are second guessing yourself, having that double talk with yourself, how are you going to teach people how you should be treaded and often you will accept less than what you deserve. Confident people know what they need and know that their needs need to be met.
There are a number of behaviors to measures if you are a confident person. A confident person gets their self worth from the impact they have on others and the setting and achieving goals. A person that lacks self-confidence allows the judgments of others to weight heavily on himself or herself. They get their self worth from the validation of others or material things. If you are constantly putting yourself down, taking the blame when things go wrong and that is your default mode then you are lacking in self-confidence.
Chris shared some strategies you can put in place so you can feel more confident and love yourself more. One of them was to always look on the other side of the isle, no one is perfect and it is so easy to be critical of yourself and look for all your faults. Chris talked about the power of the incomplete partner and how the point of a good relationship is not for either partner to be perfect the idea is that if you have two incomplete people they can make a complete partnership, each person brings different things into the relationship.
If you don’t believe in yourself how can you attract someone to believe in you. You can read further articles that Chris Armstrong has written @ www.mazeoflove.com And twitter @Maze0fLove
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