Overcoming SHAME

11/02/21 • 22 min

In this episode, I talk about shame. Where it originates from and how to overcome it. Shame keeps us small and gains power when we keep our feelings a secret. Unidentified and unexpressed, shame can lead us to hurting ourselves with perfectionism, addiction, eating disorders or suicide. We also hurt others with bullying, aggression, blaming and sometimes violence.

We aren't born with shame. Society and culture create shame in us as a means of control. We can feel shame about our accent, colour, gender, feeling pleasure, negative feelings, height, weight etc..

I look up and share wikipedia's description of guilt and shame societies. In individuals, guilt is when you feel bad about something but shame is when you inherently feel like a bad person. It is okay to feel sorry for what you have done but not for who you are. Shame doesn't help you move forward as it only leads you into a spiral of hopelessness and self-hatred.

Shame researcher and author Brene Brown explains how empathy and sharing is the antidote to shame. I include her 5 steps towards shame resilience and the 8 types of people to avoid sharing with that do not have the empathy and compassion required as a trusted listener.

Discussed in this episode:

What wikipedia tells us about guilt and shame culture/socities (0:40)

Some of the many things we feel shame about (2:40)

Rejection is a significant threat (3:15)

Individualist and collectivist cultures (4:00)

What is shame? (4:40)

Shame researcher Brene Brown description of how we deal with shame (5:15)

Brene's five steps for shame resilience (6:10)

Sheila Kelly's talk (Let's get naked) talks about the first offense of shaming (11:30)

My own shame family cycle (14.10)

Sharing your shame with a compassionate person is healing (16:00)

The 8 people NOT to share with (16:15)