Episode 29 with Mindy

Explicit content warning

09/01/23 • 49 min

Oil wrestling or mud wrestling? That's really all we need to figure out. I mean, there's an obvious choice, but Bronze skips over that and gets dirty.
Look, we know it can't be easy to make brass plates in pre-columbian Panama but it feels like Jacob's lack of initiative has been passed on to every one of his descendants. Nephi must have known this and wanted the sweetest gigs for his kids. Be king, young man. Younger brother, uh, how about "Prophet"?
I really want to see these plates. You know the last few pages of Nephi's "small" plates must have had tiny little characters scribbled in the margins, barely legible. I mean I get it. Enos had to choose be hunting, fishing, mud wrestling, or keeping a journal. We all know which of these hobbies had to be tossed aside. Thankfully, like a million people give it absolutely no effort in this book.
From a narrative perspective, this is genius, if a little lazy. I mean, we went from 122 pages of Nephi to less than a quarter of that for Jacob. Enos can only manage to go for a page before bidding adieu! But this ain't nothing compared to what's next. Get ready for some "I was here, now fuck off" in the book of Jarom.

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Episode 28 with Michael

We are joined by Michael, no stranger to podcasting, and we get to dive into the juiciest tale so far in BOMcast!
Tell me Jacob's a low-energy beta without telling me he is... start a story with an apology, regularly use the wrong agricultural terms (olive vineyard much?!), and rebuff the advances of the one beautiful soul in this world who cares about you whilst you go on about some idea you stole from Zenos (Jesus!, how could a prophet with such a badass name produce the worst parable ever?) and butcher it in the retelling.
Jacob and Sharem's relationship is beyond sus, but, for reals, Sharem sounds lovely. This is obviously a Smithers-Burns moment, and Jacob, in classic Burnsian fashion, is unworthy of Smithers's love. Jacob tries to write Sharem out, and in probably his best work, Jacob writes an elaborate and ignominious death for Sharem when Sharem obviously can no longer justify his affection for this tired and dirty prophet.
Then Enos brings us home with a French salutation. Didn't see that one coming, did you?

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Episode 30 with Kelly

This is a very special 30th episode because it started this summer when Kelly sat down to record with us at Revival and, well, it was the most magical, funny, insightful episode we’ve ever recorded. Seriously, I think it was going to be our pièce de résistance but tragedy struck and the battery we were using to power the recording equipment failed and when it did it corrupted the recording. We lost like 56 minutes of magic. This was our 116 lost pages moment.

Do we try and re-record it? No! That was magic and to try and rebottle that lightning would be to spit the face of the muse—which she’s totally into by the way but you know what I mean.

Do we give up? NO! But only because we like drinking heavily in the middle of the week.

So, we did the only thing we could do. We invited Kelly back and trusted in the fates that they would deliver us something to make up for what was lost. And they totally delivered! We got perspective, penis jokes, and hard peach tea which was super delicious!

We burn through the books of Jarom and Omni, and oh, are you in for a treat. Poor Joseph beats himself up over losing 116 pages when he need not fret. These books are a hold-my-bear-moment in the BOM. Jarom is a testament to that old Stanislavsky line: there are no small roles, only small actors, and Jarom, Omni, and like 17 other bit roles turn up larger than life!

Thank you, Kelly and Five Wives Vodka!