Sandy Phillips Kirkham - Innocence Betrayed

10/04/20 • 43 min

Sandy Phillips Kirkham authored a book titled, Let Me Prey Upon You. It details how a youth pastor preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken, with a shattered faith, and the ultimate shame of being blamed and forced from the church she loved. It’s a story of sexual abuse which may be confronting for some people. It’s also a story of hope and healing.

Website: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/

Email: [email protected]

(Transcript is a guide only and may not be 100% correct.)

Emily Olsen

Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.

Rodney Olsen

Thank you for listening today. Once you’ve heard today’s episode please search for Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and please share this episode.

My guest today authored a book titled, Let Me Prey Upon You. It details how a youth pastor preyed upon her, a betrayal which left her broken, with a shattered faith, and the ultimate shame of being blamed and forced from the church she loved. It’s a story of sexual abuse which may be confronting for some people. It’s also a story of hope and healing.

Most of us have insecurities as we try to find our way in the world during our teenage years. Thankfully, many of us are able to find places of safety during that time and eventually we move past the awkwardness of growing up. But what do you do when one of those safe places turns out to be a place of betrayal? Sandy Phillips Kirkham was 16 when her world changed. Today we welcome her to Bleeding Daylight to tell her story. Sandy, thanks for your time.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

Well, thank you for having me on. It's good to be here.

Rodney Olsen

Tell me what was life like before your trust was betrayed.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

I was happy little teenage girl in the church. My only issue in my life at that point was that my parents were divorced and that had a very traumatic effect on me. I didn't see my dad very much growing up. Sometimes I had difficulty with my stepfather. It was just an insecure part of my life, having the divorce and missing my dad. I was very active in the church in my teenag years from the time I was about eight. My family did not attend church, but I was invited by a friend and I went every Sunday with them to church. I was baptized when I was 13 and I was very eager to lead my new Christian life. I loved being at church and serving God. It was a place that I found safety. It was a place that I found love and concern for my well being and it was just a place I loved. I was very active. I sang in the choir, I taught Sunday School, I led prayer breakfasts, I think it would be no exaggeration to say that if the doors were open, I was there. So that was kind of where I was when our church hired a new youth pastor.

Rodney Olsen

And this new youth pastor, I guess, as most youth pastors come along, and he's ready to shake up the world and that was probably his experience to of what happened at that church at the time.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

Exactly. It was just after I turned 16 that they hired this new youth pastor and there was an unusual excitement among the adults about this new pastor coming to our church because they had heard of the growth and excitement he had created in his previous church. So they were looking forward to having this dynamic and energetic pastor on staff and really, within a very short time, there was a dramatic change in the youth group. There was a transformation from boring Sunday School lessons, they were replaced with interactive skits, there was guitar music, youth night was added. And the attendance just started to explode. Kids from all over the city were coming to our youth group because of this new cool youth pastor and he really was different in a lot of ways. And while he was close in age to our former pastor, he dressed younger, his hair was longer. He knew our music. He drove a convertible, I guess if you would say in the 70s vernacular, he was hip. When he came to our church, everyone wanted to be a part of this new change, and no one wanted to miss out. He was really like a rock star. So you know, if he asked you to do something, you didn't just do it because you felt like you should, you felt honored to be in his inner circle, so to speak. So it was very a unique time in our in our church and even his sermons were like anything we never heard before. So again, I think that his persona and his charismatic personality really created an atmosphere in our church that we had never seen before.

Rodney Olsen

And so you...

Website: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirkhamAuthor/

Email: [email protected]

(Transcript is a guide only and may not be 100% correct.)

Emily Olsen

Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.

Rodney Olsen

Thank you for listening today. Once you’ve heard today’s episode please search for Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and please share this episode.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

Well, thank you for having me on. It's good to be here.

Rodney Olsen

Tell me what was life like before your trust was betrayed.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

Rodney Olsen

And this new youth pastor, I guess, as most youth pastors come along, and he's ready to shake up the world and that was probably his experience to of what happened at that church at the time.

Sandy Phillips Kirkham

Rodney Olsen

And so you...

Previous Episode

Elizabeth Meyers - Remembering Timothy

Losing a child is hard enough but what about if no one is prepared to admit that there was even a child to begin with? That’s part of the trauma that Elizabeth Meyers suffered and why she wrote a book to help others facing distress, doubt and suffering. She is also the host of the podcast, Resilient Life Hacks. These days, she uses her experiences to reach out to others who find themselves in life's dark nights. Her book, Undefeated: From Trial to Triumph, How to Stop Fighting the Wrong Battles and Start Living Victoriously tells the story of her journey.

Elizabeth Meyers Website: https://elizabethmeyers.me/

Resilient Life Tribe on FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/resilientlifetribe

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/elizabethmeyers

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelizmeyers/

Resilient Life Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/resilient-life-hacks/id1530688662

(Transcript is a guide only and may not be 100% correct.)

Emily Olsen

Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.

Rodney Olsen

Hello and thank you for listening. I’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Just search for Bleeding Daylight. That’s where we can start a conversation about this and other Bleeding Daylight episodes.

What do you do when your faith and reality collide to leave you broken, discouraged and swimming in doubt? That's what faced Elizabeth Meyers after a tragic event, derailed her life and left her searching for true healing. These days, she uses her experiences to reach out to others who find themselves in life's dark nights. Her book, Undefeated: From Trial to Triumph, How to Stop Fighting the Wrong Battles and Start Living Victoriously tells the story of her journey. I'm so pleased to have her joining me on Bleeding Daylight. Elizabeth, thanks so much for your time.

Elizabeth Meyers

Oh, yes, thank you for having me and giving me the opportunity to share my story.

Rodney Olsen

We're going to talk about a very traumatic event that had a huge effect on you, but I want to take you back before that time. Tell me what life was like leading up to that event.

Elizabeth Meyers

Yes, well, my husband is active duty in the Air Force. So we move around a lot and at the time, just prior to that we had five children, you know, life was just clicking along, we were homeschooling and looking back now I see how my my faith in God was, I call it a fairweather faith, where, you know, I kind of had this concept of if I do my part, and if I do the right things, and don't do the wrong things, you know, God will bless that and, and life will just go swimmingly and everything will be great, but that that whole concept crumbled. When I faced real tragedy,

Rodney Olsen

And just before that tragedy in the month leading up to it, I believe that there were a number of things that started to go wrong before that major tragedy, what what were some of those things?

Elizabeth Meyers

Interestingly, I had really had this time of deepening my relationship with God, where I really discovered the power of prayer and I really felt connected to God, I believe that God's presence is always with us but sometimes we're more aware of his presence than others. And I really just felt like God and I were were gelling. We were working together. And then things just started to go wrong. And it was big things and little things. I went through a period where people that I prayed for seem to get worse, rather than better. I had a friend who had cancer and she passed away. My grandmother passed away. There were several others. We had friends who were struggling to get pregnant, and I was praying for their baby, they finally got pregnant, and then they lost the baby. There was just all these different things that really were kind of starting to shake my faith up a bit and kind of go, well wait, what's going on here? You know, I thought prayer was supposed to work. But you know, just all these things were piling on me. And I really felt discouraged. I also got pregnant again and I was having trouble adjusting to that, that pre...

Next Episode

Jennifer Wilcox - Rahab's Heart

Jennifer Wilcox is the Founder and Managing Director of Rahab Center, a place for women to break the chains of poverty and learn to grow and thrive in the community. Jennifer turned a horrific childhood and abusive, broken marriage into the beginnings of a program that is now helping other women to transform their lives. Her own story of transformation is inspiring. Today we’ll hear how she went from using alcohol and bad relationships to numb the pain to being in a stable marriage with two children and hope for the future.

Website: https://www.rahabcenter.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rahabcenter/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rahabcenter/

Email: [email protected]

(Transcript is a guide only and may not be 100% correct.)

Emily Olsen

Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.

Rodney Olsen

Welcome. Don’t forget to connect with Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

My guest today has turned a horrific childhood and abusive, broken marriage into the beginnings of a program that is now helping other women to transform their lives. Her own story of transformation is inspiring. Today we’ll hear how she went from using alcohol and bad relationships to numb the pain to being in a stable marriage with two children and hope for the future.

She’s currently writing a book about her life, but we’ll get a sneak peek at her remarkable story today.

Jennifer Wilcox is the Founder and Managing Director of Rahab Center, a place for women to break the chains of poverty and learn to grow and thrive in the community. The center was born out of Jennifer's personal experience, and today we'll explore some of her story. It's an honor to have her joining us on Bleeding Daylight. Jennifer, thanks for your time.

Jennifer Wilcox

Well, thank you for having me today.

Rodney Olsen

Before we look at the amazing work that you're doing through Rahab Center, can you take us back to your own childhood and help us understand what growing up was like for you?

Jennifer Wilcox

Sure. So I grew up in Louisiana here in the United States and I grew up extremely poor. We were raised on government assistance, meaning food stamps, WIC, state funded health care, all of those things and at the age of 15, I remember very vividly standing in line at the grocery store buying groceries for the family. And I had to pay with food stamps. And at that time, food stamps, were in a coupon booklet where you had to tear them out and count them out, just like you would money to the cashier. And this sense of humiliation just came over me. And at that time, I told myself, I will never live like this. I do not want my children to ever experience this. So at the young age of 15, I didn't realize what I was telling myself then but now I see why I told myself that.

Rodney Olsen

And what was home life like for you?

Jennifer Wilcox

Well, you know, my home life was not great. I had a very abusive mother and stepfather. You know, it just, it was a lot, a lot of abuse, a lot of emotional abuse, a lot of physical abuse. And don't get me wrong, I believe in the Word of God. And I believe that children do need to be corrected and disciplined. But there is a strong difference between discipline and abuse. I went through things with my mother causing manipulation. So she would tell me one thing, and then turn around and say she never told me that, and it would end me getting in some kind of trouble with my stepfather. When I would grow up, and I would have to be disciplined, we got a leather belt across our backsides, or we got in trouble with a plastic baseball bat. And so as I grew up, my mother became very angry with me and she would do things like pull me around by my hair, or hit my head into the wall. So I didn't have the greatest childhood experience. And I have three younger brothers. So I would take the brunt of what was coming so that they did not have to experience the abuse. I never wanted them to go through that. Once I got old enough, and I left home, you know, there was no one there to shield them from that. So they took the majority of it once I left

Rodney Olsen

As a child we have no frames of reference to what is normal. At what age do you think you started to understand that what was going on was not right and was not normal?

Jennifer Wilcox

Well, it was at the age of 14. And what happened at the age of 14 is like I said, I had no reference, like you said no money, no, no knowledge of what was normal, not normal. But I knew that if ...