#67 - What is “Unreasonable?” [Spoiler Alert: It’s in the Eye of the Beholder]

Has anyone ever told you that you were being unreasonable or that you made an unreasonable request? It's a common argument, with a simple resolution. In today's episode Vicki talks about why unreasonable is in the eye of the beholder, and how you can avoid arguing about whether or not something is unreasonable.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #67:

• What is reasonable is a perception or an opinion.
• Arguments about what is reasonable or unreasonable tend to arise when someone makes a request or they have an expectation of another person.
• Responding to a request by saying "that's unreasonable" is a diversion, and doesn't address the request made.
• Rather than arguing about whether or not a request is reasonable or unreasonable, focus on potential solutions in order to maintain intimate connection.

Highlights from Episode #67:

• Welcome back to the show! [00:41]
• How to get specific questions about infidelity, addiction, or betrayal answered by Vicki. [03:04]
• This episode was inspired by several questions from a listener revolving around “what is unreasonable?” [04:18]
• Unreasonable is a perception; and Vicki gives an example. [06:31]
• When does the question or reasonable or unreasonable tend to become an issue in communication? [09:25]
• Two concepts that are essential when you disagree with someone about whether or not something is reasonable. [14:44]
• When receiving a request from another person, there are three options for responding. [15:08]
• Has anyone ever told you that your request was unreasonable? Did it cause an argument? [16:16]
• Tips for learning how to focus on solution or resolution while maintaining intimacy. [17:37]
• Ask yourself, "is this going to build and maintain intimacy or harm it?" [18:32]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Survive & Thrive Online Community for betrayed partners
• Reclaiming Wholeness: A 4-Day Family of Origin Intensive for Women
• The 5 Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast Episode #61 | 4 Reasons Why Arguing Perceptions is a Losing Battle