#39 - The Listening Boundary Part 2: How It Works

Welcome to Part 2 in my series on the listening boundary! It bears repeating that this is the most complicated of the four primary boundaries, and today, we’ll go straight into the heart of using this boundary in practice.*

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #39:

• Listening with curiosity and the intention of knowing the other person better is the foundation for using the listening boundary well. The closer the relationship you have with someone, the more challenging it is to maintain a strong listening boundary.
• There are only a few listening boundary violations. Examples include looking away for an extended period of time, rolling your eyes, or any overt signs of disinterest or boredom—like yawning—while someone is talking to you one-on-one.
• Once you listen with curiosity and respect, you’ll notice one of three things: you have the same perception as they do, you have a different perception, or you need more information to know what you think and feel about what you've heard.
• People with certain traits or mental health issues can have problems with the listening boundary and taking what others say very personally. They may interpret a simple matter like which restaurant you prefer to go to as a major indicator about how you feel about them.
• Highlights from Episode #39:
• Vicki shares that she's getting over a cold, and touches on the subject of boundaries and illness. [00:48]
• This episode is Part 2 of the listening boundary series, Vicki explains, then reminds listeners about what the listening boundary is. [03:15]
• Vicki briefly reviews the pre-work for the listening boundary, much of which she covered in Episode 37. [07:08]
• Vicki dives further into how to use the listening boundary. [09:36]
• We hear about the three possible experiences when you listen with interest and respect. [12:41]
• What do you do when you have a different perception than the other person? [17:29]
• We hear about some issues when having a different perception requires more conversation. [21:41]
• Vicki talks about the third of the three options when you’re listening. [23:07]
• We learn about a few of the many challenges involved in using the listening boundary. [24:52]
• Vicki touches on the question of how to work on self-esteem. [34:18]

*Information about the listening boundary presented in this episode is adapted from the work of Pia Mellody.

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Sheri Winston
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 37: The Listening Boundary Part I