Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

There’s another word for toxic – abusive. If you’re asking, “Is my husband toxic?” What you’re really asking is he emotionally or psychologically abusive. Here’s three things you need to know.

What Does “Toxic” Mean?

A toxic person uses manipulation, control, lies, and chaos to get what they want. Often, toxic men use emotional or psychological abuse tactics, which can be harder to detect than physical abuse, but is just as damaging.

See if he’s using any one of these 19 different types of emotional abuse. Take our free emotional abuse quiz.

Here are some red flags of toxic emotional or psychological abuse to watch out for in your marriage:

Does your husband often twist situations to make you feel like you’re the problem, even when he’s clearly at fault?

Does he lie to control your perception of him, rather than meet you on equal grounds by telling the truth?

Does he objectify women or exploit women?

Questions to Determine If Your Husband Is Toxic

If you’re unsure whether your husband’s behavior is toxic (abusive), ask yourself these questions:

1. Does he belittle my emotions, making me feel like I’m “too sensitive” or imagining things?
2. Does he undermine me by saying my friends or family don’t know what they’re talking about when they’re doing something to empower me?
3. When I express concerns, does he block conversation by storming off or shutting me down? Or start attacking me with the exact same “concerns” he’s never brought up before?
4. Does he dismiss or “forget” promises?
5. Has he ever lied to me about things he’s planning or what’s going to happen that he has no intention of ever actually planning or doing.
6. Does he frequently criticize, judge, or blame me instead of taking responsibility for his actions?
7. Do his words or actions make me feel small, unsafe, or like I’m constantly walking on eggshells?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, take our free test for emotional abuse that will help you know for sure.

What Your Husband’s Toxic Behavior Does to You

Living with emotional or psychological abuse can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness.

It can make you question your reality, leading to something called “gaslighting,” where you’re manipulated into doubting your own experiences or memories. Over time, these effects will erode your mental health and self-esteem.

Yep, Your Husband Is Toxic. What Can I Do?

1. Acknowledge the Problem

The first step is recognizing that your husband’s behavior is abusive or toxic. It’s not “just how he is,” nor is it “your fault.” To learn more about this type of abuse, listen to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.

1. Seek The Right Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members about what you’re experiencing. You might also consider attending Group Sessions, like Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions. These sessions provide a safe environment to share your experience with women who understand.

1. Learn Strategies To Protect Yourself

If your husband is toxic, going to couples therapy or talking to a priest might make things worse for you. Toxic men often use tricks to blame you for the problems. They might even say your relationship or marriage is toxic, trying to make it seem like it’s partly your fault.

His mean behavior isn’t your fault, even if it hurts you. Before talking to a counselor or Pastor, learn what he’ll do next by enrolling in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop. That way you’ll be one step ahead.

Transcript: Is My Husband Toxic? – When You Discover His Double Life

Anne: Jessica is on today’s episode. She holds a bachelor’s degree in media studies and has an in-depth understanding of how the media impacts our lives and shapes our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. Jessica is a feminist and activist.

She is also on the board of Culture Reframed, a nonprofit organization founded by Dr. Gail Dines, whose mission is to build resilience and resistance to hypersexualized media.

Welcome, Jessica.

Jessica: Thank you. I’m glad to be here.

Anne: Jessica, a lot of women come on my podcast and share their story. And when I told my friends and family, they were like, “Calm down. It’s not that...