Anger, Wrath, and Vengeance, Oh My! - 24th Sun in Ordinary Time - Episode 43

09/08/20 • 48 min

Overall Takeaway

It’s important to understand the difference between the feeling of anger, which carries no moral weight, and the importance of learning to deal with anger in a healthy way psychologically. Doing so, not only affects us in a positive way, but helps us lift up the entire body of Christ.

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

Wrath and anger are hateful things,
yet the sinner hugs them tight.
The vengeful will suffer the LORD’s vengeance,
for he remembers their sins in detail.

The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so surpassing is his kindness toward those who fear him.

At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.

Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

It’s important to understand that the feeling of anger carries no moral weight. Jesus is angry at multiple points in the Gospels. His is always a righteous anger that reflects justice, as is the king’s anger in this week’s Gospel reading.

As parents, we need to help our children with emotional regulation. We need to help them find ways that they can appropriately express anger in an acceptable way. It’s not psychologically healthy to believe that angry feelings are wrong.

As adults, we often need to learn the same thing. Often, we will either suppress anger, which means it eventually comes out in other unconscious ways, or we tend to lash out uncontrollably when we’re angry. Instead, we have to titrate anger, understand how to heal from wounds, and make the willful decision not to harbor anger.

It’s also important not to “spiritually bypass” anger, by saying, almost too casually, “Oh, I just forgive whatever wrong happened.” Although forgiveness is an act of the will, doing so casually, can have negative impacts both for yourself and others.

Finally, remember that learning to titrate anger must be done in relationship. This could be in relationship with God through prayer, reaching out for help with a therapist, or dealing with the people involved in the situation.

We are all connected in the Body of Christ. Not only do we need to help one another, but those interconnected relationships affect the health of the entire Church Militant.

Action Items

Identify what you’re angry about. If you’re unreasonably angry about something, look for what’s under that. It could be some unresolved event from the past. Be open to that.
What about this event is emotion and what about this is the will? Am I harboring it? Am I acting out or gossiping?
Choose something relational to do. Take it to prayer. Maybe you want to discuss it further with a confessor, with an individual, or with a therapist.

Overall Takeaway

Key Verses from Sunday Readings

Wrath and anger are hateful things,
yet the sinner hugs them tight.
The vengeful will suffer the LORD’s vengeance,
for he remembers their sins in detail.

The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so surpassing is his kindness toward those who fear him.

Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We are all connected in the Body of Christ. Not only do we need to help one another, but those interconnected relationships affect the health of the entire Church Militant.

Action Items

Identify what you’re angry about. If you’re unreasonably angry about something, look for what’s under that. It could be some unresolved event from the past. Be open to that.
What about this event is emotion and what about this is the will? Am I harboring it? Am I acting out or gossiping?
Choose something relational to do. Take it to prayer. Maybe you want to discuss it further with a confessor, with an individual, or with a therapist.

Previous Episode

Three Principles of Exercising Real Love - 23rd Sun of Ord Time - Episode 42

Overall Takeaway

We need to embrace three basic principles, as well as overcome the common psychological barriers to these principles, in order to exercise real love to one another. Learn this week about how to overcome avoidance, isolation and resentment--and how doing so helps us love more fully and completely.

Key Verses of Sunday Mass Readings

“You, son of man, I have appointed watchman for the house of Israel;
when you hear me say anything, you shall warn them for me.
If I tell the wicked, ‘O wicked one, you shall surely die,’
and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way,
the wicked shall die for his guilt,
but I will hold you responsible for his death.”

“Brothers and sisters:
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another;
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”

“Again, amen, I say to you,
if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.”

Where Psychology Meets Catholicism

Here are the three principles and the common psychological barriers that prevent us from achieving them:

Principle One: Don’t try to escape the pain. Although it’s human nature to try to stop pain and suffering, we are called as followers of Christ to approach suffering differently. The typical psychological barrier is avoidance, whether that be addiction, binging on food or videos, or simply not addressing the issue. Instead, try to bring that pain to God, ask for His will and understanding. Try to see God’s providence, but accept the fact that we may not be able to understand. Instead, we may need to rely on faith.

Principle Two: Don’t do it alone. Whatever the pain, come together with loved ones in prayer or ask for help. Address conflict, and find ways to accept the love and support of others. The psychological barrier to this principle is isolation. Although it’s good to take time to pray and reflect, don’t sink into stonewalling, resentment and harboring of anger.

Principle Three: Destroy your enemies with love. It’s easy for us to brood about someone’s mistreatment or wrongdoing, but this can have a negative effect on us more than the other person. The psychological barrier here is getting locked into negativity. For example, if we’re so worried about someone stealing from us that we can no longer be generous. Instead, try to remain detached and recollected.

One thing to keep in mind is that every person is at a different development point psychologically. It’s important to think about what is available in your arsenal of responses. In some cases, it may be best to walk away. Understand that this is a dynamic process. Work toward these principles while also being humble enough to know your limitations.

Action Item

Choose someone you’re having a conflict with, and try to put these principles into action to make a true act of love this week.

Next Episode

Work is Not a Four-Letter Word - 25th Sunday of Ordinary Time - Episode 44

Overall Takeaway

Work should not define the person, as it is often the case in today’s world. Instead, we have to see that the dignity of work comes from the fact that it is done by an individual made in the image and likeness of God.

Key Verses from the Sunday Readings

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.”

“Brothers and sisters:
Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.
For to me life is Christ, and death is gain.
If I go on living in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.”

“What if I wish to give this last one the same as you?
Or am I not free to do as I wish with my own money?
Are you envious because I am generous?”

Where Catholicism Meets Psychology

We often get to know ourselves through our work. However, sometimes work begins to define our worth or who we are. If someone loses a job and wonders “what am I good for,” he or she has lost sight of the value of life itself.

Work should not define us. Instead, our human nature can be more fully expressed through our work. Work is only one expression of ourselves.

The world tends to have a utilitarian view of life. Our goodness and value are too frequently tied to what we contribute in our work.

We are reminded by St.Therese of the Little Flower that it’s important to do “little things with great love.” The love is the important part of the work.

Action Item

Look at the different elements of your work, and try to identify an aspect of your work that you tend to under value. What do you recognize about yourself? What can you better appreciate about these aspects?