Accentuate the Positive

Sex positivity is the idea that all sex, provided it's healthy and explicitly consensual, is good. But what happens when a complicated theoretical idea like sex positivity gets packaged up for the mainstream? And which voices are missing from the conversation?

Sex positivity is the idea that all sex, provided it's healthy and explicitly consensual, is positive.

Philadelphia-based sex educator Melissa Fabello describes it like this:

"Many of us live in sex negative cultures where sex is demonised and stigmatised, and we're not really given space to explore our sexuality in happy and healthy ways. Sex positivity says, 'Well no, sex and sexuality can be really beautiful, amazing part of the human experience... and we should give people the space to explore what sexuality means to them'."

Sex positivity isn't a new idea, but since the early 2000s it's gone mainstream.

In BANG! we've heard dozens of stories from Kiwis who found incredible freedom in embracing sex positivity, often rejecting sex-negative upbringings to do so.

Shelley* told us about growing up in a Christian household, where virginity and purity were highly prized, and the struggles she faced as a 29-year old virgin who didn't hold those beliefs anymore.

Rosie* shared how finding the label "autochorrisexual" to describe her specific type of asexuality, freed her from the shame of not being "normal" and helped her to open up to a few close friends.

Henry* described the ways he worked through ideas about masculinity and sexuality to approach his premature ejaculation with a sense of humour and without embarrassment.

Social media has helped facilitate the mainstream acceptance of sex positivity, but the messages have become oversimplified, and in some cases the pressure to be "positive" about sex can lead to problems..

In this episode of BANG!, 18-year old Henrietta Fisher describes feeling pressure to hook up with a guy even though she wasn't sure she wanted to. The fact that her friends were trying to get the two of them alone and encouraging her to "get it girl!" made it trickier.

"It ended up happening and it made me feel terrible... Something I've noticed, especially with my female friends, it that the culture of sex positivity encourages them to go out and be promiscuous and experiment with their sexuality which is a cool thing... encourages bad and undesirable experiences for the sake of experiences," she says.

Melissa Fabello says the idea that women want to be sexually liberated has been turned into an expectation that they have to be "up for anything."...

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details