BANG!

In Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, co-authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha take what they call the "standard narrative" of human sexual evolution and re-examine it through a different lens: suggesting that sexual exclusivity was not a part of our ancestor's expectations around relationships. Highlighting research in the fields of primatology, anthropology, evolutionary psychology and biology, Christopher Ryan tells Melody Thomas that monogamy is far from "natural" for our species, and that we'd have a much easier time with it if we went in informed.

Here's the story we've been told:

For as long as humans have existed, men and women have made a trade. He offers her protection, food, shelter and status, and in return she promises to be his "one and only", so he can be sure of his paternity when it comes to her children.

They enter into this bargain despite conflicting biological agendas. Because sperm is metabolically inexpensive, it's in his best interest to spread his seed as far and wide as possible. Because she's facing a long pregnancy, plus breastfeeding and a couple of years with a toddler - it's in her best interest to lock him in.

And there's no escaping it, because it's written into our DNA.

Christopher Ryan, author of Sex At Dawn: "If monogamy were natural to us, it'd be easy."

In Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, co-authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá; take this story, which they refer to as the "standard narrative of human sexual evolution" and flip it on its head.

Analysing decades of research from the fields of primatology, anthropology, evolutionary psychology and biology, Ryan and Jethá; build a picture of human sexual evolution in which "sexual exclusivity was not really part of our ancestor's expectations around relationships."

Basically - our ancestors were much more sexually promiscuous than the 'standard narrative' has given them credit for, and this appetite for sexual variety, sharing sexual partners in much the same way as other resources were shared, served both to ensure genetically healthy offspring and to reinforce group bonds at a time when social cohesion was incredibly important.

This is how it works for bonobos - the great ape that is one of two closest extant relative to humans, along with the common chimpanzee...

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Didn't you know? It's 20-bi-teen! What better time to get schooled on the ins and outs of bisexuality. In this ep, a couple from season 2 return to talk about the difference between being bi and pansexual, and what it's like when everyone around them assumes they're straight. Plus queer author and columnist Emily Writes comes out in her 30s and we ask some bi and pan teens if biphobia is something they're familiar with.

There are at least as many bi and pansexual people in the world as lesbians and gay men combined, at least according to surveys of western countries. But bisexuality is poorly understood - leaving bi and pansexual people feeling that their sexuality is invisible or invalid.

In Episode 1 of the new season of BANG!, people who are "attracted to more than one gender" share their experiences, and Dr Nikki Hayfield highlights some particularly damaging, often "biphobic", stereotypes.

To the outside world, Rose and Sam* look like any other straight couple. They're in their mid 20s, affectionate and obviously really into each other. The thing is, they're not straight.

Sam identifies as pansexual and Rose is bisexual. People define each of these sexualities in different ways, but for Sam pansexuality means that he's attracted to people irrespective of gender (as in, it's not important) and for Rose bisexuality means she's attracted to people "across the spectrum of genders."

For those shouting "but bi means two!", some people still use bisexuality to mean they're into just men and women, but others have broadened the definition as a response to the increase in trans identities and in resisting binary understandings of gender.

Both Sam and Rose came out in their early 20s, both had same-sex experiences and attractions in their teens and, initially, both put them down to teenaged "confusion" or "acting out".

As Sam puts it, "Heterosexuality was expected of me and that's why it took quite a while to realise I wasn't that. It's why my parents still don't know ... I wouldn't be disowned or anything, but it would confirm that I'm the sort of black sheep, and that I'm less of a man in some way, and that doesn't feel good."

Rose grew up with an openly lesbian aunt, her family environment was welcoming of queerness. But she thought bisexuality meant 50% attracted to men and 50% attracted to women, and that the label didn't fit her because she's attracted to men more of the time.

That's until she turned 21 and stumbled across a Tumblr post. ...

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In episode 5, we hear from parents about how kids affected their relationships, clinical psychologist and sex therapist Nic Beets highlights some of the most common issues experienced by new parents and a couple share an unorthodox conception story.

In episode 5 of BANG! Melody Thomas explores the effects having a baby can have on sex and relationships. For its release, Gareth Hughes, Emily Writes, Laura Borrowdale, Nicola Willis and Gem Wilder share the one thing they wish they'd known about all this before becoming parents.

Gareth Hughes - Green MP

"The one thing I wish someone had told me was parenthood isn't a zero sum game so don't beat yourself up. I travel a lot for work and one of my parenting challenges has been a feeling of guilt I wasn't being as good a father or husband as I wanted to be. On the other hand, when I spent more time with my partner and kids I battled feelings I was failing at my job. It's easy to feel like work and family are in conflict but I know now it's not a zero sum game - you need to find a balance between being a present parent and real person at work."

Emily Writes - Author 'Rants in the Dark'

"I was really worried about how my sex life would change after having kids - I'd hear horror stories of mothers who didn't want to have sex anymore. I'd seen couples break up and say they never had sex anymore. I was worried that would happen to us. My husband and I have always had really great sex - we know each other's bodies really well. After well over a decade together you just do. I was worried that we would lose what we had. And there was nobody saying it would be any different.

I was surprised that actually after kids sex has become even more important to us. It isn't just an outlet for pleasure anymore - it helps us when we are really tired to feel less overwhelmed, it gives us energy, and it brings us closer together. Banging is also a great way to end a pointless fight... of saying, "We are just tired and that's why we are arguing over whether it's going to rain or not today."...

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In episode two, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

In episode two of RNZ's podcast about sex, we explore how teens deal with sex ed, relationships and the influence of pornography. Plus famous Kiwis travel back in time to deliver sex advice to their teen selves.

The calls for better and more comprehensive sex education in schools is growing louder, and in recent months much of it has been coming from school students themselves.

In March, hundreds of demonstrators, mostly students, protested at Parliament, concerned that schools aren't doing enough to combat rape culture among some groups of teens. The action came after revelations of comments made online by Wellington College students, encouraging sexual assault.

In response to the protests, Education Minister Hekia Parata maintained the matter is "first and foremost a parental, family and whānau responsibility".

Tomorrow, Wellington High School students Lauren Jack and Ruby Medlicott will deliver a petition to Parliament asking for better sex ed in schools, calling for the government to commit to making "consent and healthy relationships a compulsory part of the curriculum".

BANG! creator Melody Thomas asks New Zealanders with strong views on the subject why this issue is important to them, starting with the petition's creators.

"If we want to fight sexual assault in New Zealand, we need to have consistent and comprehensive sex education for young people in New Zealand. One in three girls experience some form of sexual assault before the age of 16, and the same goes for one in seven boys. We need to educate and be educated on not only reproductive systems, but consent and why it is needed, and what makes up a healthy relationship. This education also needs to come with LGBTQ inclusion, we are sick of the exclusion of non-heteronormative relationships in the discussion around sex ed.

"Through providing consistent and comprehensive sex education in schools, New Zealand's young people will grow up knowing how to be in a healthy relationship, putting an end to rape culture and leading to a generation of respectful, self aware and educated New Zealanders. We think this is too huge of an issue to ignore, and don't want to live in a world in which we are scared to be in."

"We are only just beginning to see the significant impact that the widespread access to pornography and the influence of technology is having on this generation of young people and on the opinions and attitudes that young people are developing about sex and relationships...

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Hurrah! BANG! returns for Season 3 on Monday March 4th.

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