66: Taming Lions and Slaying Comparison Monsters with Hilary Billings

07/28/20 • 50 min

It is nearly impossible to not feel inadequate in a world where accomplishment badges are everywhere. Comparison Monsters, as this week's guest calls them, can cripple our confidence. But what if you could change all of that by simply getting "back to neutral?" This week, Erin Hatzikostas talks with Hilary Billings, former Miss Nevada, an on-camera host, celebrity interviewer, event MC, digital influencer, and motivational comedian to talk about everything from overcoming rejection to overcoming third-degree burns. Hilary talks about her early life, coming from a "Production Family", which led her wanted to stay as far away from the entertainment industry as she could (you'll see how well that worked out.) After getting rejection letters from 14 different graduate schools, she went to Nicaragua to rest and recover. She unexpectedly started writing travel blogs before meeting a great community of people and deciding to continue working as a travel blogger/writer. Then, just a few weeks after returning home, she was tragically hit in the chest by a malfunctioning firework. While recovering she realized she needed to do something that would make her wildly uncomfortable. She landed on entering the Miss Nevada pageant, because being judged in a swimsuit with burn scars felt like the epitome of getting uncomfortable. Erin asks to discuss not only why she decided to go traveling, but how and why she started writing about her travels. Hilary tells the story of a young woman she met who inspired her to think a different way about her options in life, and who's death were a catalyst for Hilary's next steps in life. The discussion continues with Hilary explaining how she went from a travel writer to becoming Miss Nevada. She mentions how shocked she was when she realized how many of the contestants were not "the stereotypical pageant girl" but were in fact people with unique and sincere reasons to be there and use it as a platform for their message of positive change. Erin asks about Hilary's move into E! News (it helps being named best blogger of the year and then being contacted by the editor of USA Today) which leads into a conversation on work ethic and what she learned as a journalist. Ending on the big topic of confidence, Hilary discusses feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. How do you gain the confidence to take steps forward in life and in your career? She advocates for not jumping from one extreme to another and/or the "fake it till you make it" mentality. The likelihood is you will fall short. So instead of moving in extremes, move towards the neutral and slowly build your confidence. You can get her free workbook - "Four Steps To Quick Confidence" and so much more @ hilarybillings.com If you like jammin' with us on the podcast, b sure to join us for more fun and inspiration! Here are some options... Check out the b BRILLIANT career coaching program @ b Cause Podcast Facebook group @ We even sare more crazy stuff here (you probably thought that was impossible). Take our simple, fun and insightful "What Kind of Dog Are You At Work?" by going to We have so much fun stuff going on...we wouldn't want you to miss out - join the authenticity movement and our community by adding your email just about anywhere @ Check out our blog for more of our no-BS career advice @ We have fun and inspiring t-shirts @ DISCLAIMER: This episode is not explicit, though contains mild swearing that may be unsustainable for younger audiences. Tweetable Comments: "You bleed authenticity." "I love this idea of you as an authenticity bloodhound." "It's been this b-line of trying and getting involved in new things, and continuing down this path of embracing and overcoming diversity." "Take that experience and proactively apply it to the next problem you run in to. If you're able to look back and apply that knowledge - that's the win." "I'd never been in a pageant before. I was borrowing clothes and had my dress sponsored. I couldn't afford any of it." "My first ever interview was with Ryan Seacrest - so you know, no pressure." "The first rejection, you take it a lot harder. But then comes ages and time and seasons. The faster you fail, the more resilient you become." "If I got the thing I thought I wanted, I would not be here. " "Everyone we grew up looking at was airbrushed, but we didn't know it. Yet even now we do know, and we are aware, we still compare ourselves to it." "IF you're in that place of feeling inadequate, and you try to pretend confidence, it will pull you down further." "Try to find confidence in an authentic way." "The definition of confidence is having the belief that you can rely on someone or something." "For me, a big part of finding confidence and overcoming inadequacy is finding comedy in everyday life." "It's been a lesson in dealing with some of the lower consciousness of the world."

Previous Episode

65: Be a Rebel, Take a Soulbbatical: Erin Interviews Shelley Paxton

Does it make any sense that most people work nonstop for 40 years so they can simply enjoy the last few years of their life? Shelley Paxton would argue that your soul deserves better. She believes that everyone deserves to b successful, not success-empty - and a life that's more authentic, courageous and purposeful. Erin Hatzikostas sits down with the rebel of all rebels, Shelley Paxton, the former Chief Marketing Officer for Haley Davidson. She since has left and started a Soulbbatical movement. Shelley discusses her inspirational father, how he went from meager beginnings to a CEO at multiple companies, and how even his mentality while battling illness in his later life was an inspiration. Erin asks Shelley to talk about her younger life, how she was a rebel living the classic sex drugs and rock 'n' roll lifestyle...and also that time she drove into a lake. Shelley talks about how she left college and started a great job at a huge marketing agency, moonlighting as part of an improv comedy act...only to ask for a sabbatical at the age of 25. This sabbatical had a huge impact on her mindset, personal, and professional life, leading her to constantly question what do we NEED to do? When SHOULD we work? WHERE should we work? Should we save for 40 years so we can enjoy the last 5? Erin talks about her 50% rule when trying anything, whether at home or at work - 50% of what you should do, and 50% of how you do it your own way. Shelley talks about pushing your boundaries and living a life that is true to you. She also opens up about a dark time in her life when she wasn't talking about her feelings and didn't think asking for help was an ok thing to do. She talks openly about her attempted suicide, and what she's learned from looking back on that period of her life. We hear a few excerpts from Shelley's book, "Soulbbatical: A Corporate Rebel's Guide to Finding Your Best Life". Be sure to check it out to really bring out your inner rebel. (FYI the book is so incredibly written Erin might have the entire thing tattooed.) You can find Shelley and the Soulbbatical book and movement at: soulbbatical.com Instagram @ soulbbatical Facebook @ Soulbbatical Coaching / Shelley Paxton Linkedin@ Shelley Paxton If you like jammin' with us on the podcast, b sure to join us for more fun and inspiration! Here are some options... Check out the b BRILLIANT career coaching program @ b Cause Podcast Facebook group @ We even sare more crazy stuff here (you probably thought that was impossible). Take our simple, fun and insightful "What Kind of Dog Are You At Work?" by going to We have so much fun stuff going on...we wouldn't want you to miss out - join the authenticity movement and our community by adding your email just about anywhere @ Check out our blog for more of our no-BS career advice @ We have fun and inspiring t-shirts @ DISCLAIMER: This episode is not explicit, though contains mild swearing that may be unsustainable for younger audiences. Tweetable Comments: "If we weren't living it before, we're living it now." "It was one of those things where you think 'This isn't supposed to happen. This can't happen.'" "I think I shot out of the womb rebelling against everything." "We somehow made our way through all of the trees, and our car nosedives into a lake." "Improv is like life training, it's magical." "We were 25/26 and we wanted to take a sabbatical. The Young and the Restless." "The rebel who forgot how to break the rules." "I want to spread my wings. So when an assignment comes up, send me wherever no one else wants to go." "The concept of a soulbbatical is not to leave your job, it's to find yourself." "My number one regret would be not living the life that was true to me." "What would change in your life right now if you were being 100% true to you?" "What are your personal values?" "We are powerful motherfuckers." "Awaken the rebel within."

Next Episode

67: Are You an A-H.O.L.E ?

Who isn't asking themselves a few questions these days? How am I showing up? What am I serving up to myself, my colleagues, my family and anyone else one might see me in 3-D these days? Erin Hatzikoastas and Nicole Licata Grant take it all in as they Zoom it up for another How Was Your Week Episode. And it's chock full of humor and honesty about the aches and pains in life, work and everything in between. Appreciating that folks are still cheering her on 60+ big episodes in and asking some redemption, Nicole ponders a big Question, and talks about utilizing Erin's advice at work as she prepares for both the arrival of a new CEO/boss in the U.S and a virtual visit from the Big Boss from the global group. And, cue up a classic b Cause WTF moment...ah, the good 'ole times! Sometimes you have to not only ask the questions, but also answer your own damn question... This turns out to be a perfect into for Erin's Authentic So Hard (ASH) du jour, the launching of "A-H.O.L.E.S : Authentic Humans Overhauling Lousy Energy". In true Erin fashion, she's already drafted the manifesto and building a whole movement around it. But it hasn't been easy, and in a self-coaching moment Erin shares recent self-questioning, including that maybe it's time to shift her approach to include things she may have avoided. Nicole gives her own idea for a supplementary framework based on a favorite four-letter word: Finally Upending Keynote Speeches. b Cause, of course... would anyone question buying into that service? But another question looms: Are corporate spaces ready for the type of work Erin is doing? It seems that individuals clearly are hungry, but traditions and rules in the workplace create a gap between what corporations think serve en masses and what individuals want, Erin and Nicole feel like the playbook is changing; notable that employees being "out there" as valuable ambassadors - and assets - and not only can be, but must be leveraged in new ways, even if it doesn't seem like corporations are fully "there" yet. With that, Nicole talks about her own ASH moment, feeling that the pace she's been moving is not sustainable. So, when a colleague asks for a task, Nicole explains - authentically - the situation, and surprise, surprise, she got a positive response. Whoa! It all leads to the next big question: in this new world that's opening back up, what will going back to regular work (or different) life be like? But not to worry, the podcast will still be going strong: Nicole has a whole list of new observations, discomforts, and unsanitized questions to talk about. If you like jammin' with us on the podcast, b sure to join us for more fun and inspiration! Here are some options... Check out the b BRILLIANT career coaching program @ b Cause Podcast Facebook group @ We even sare more crazy stuff here (you probably thought that was impossible). Take our simple, fun and insightful "What Kind of Dog Are You At Work?" by going to We have so much fun stuff going on...we wouldn't want you to miss out - join the authenticity movement and our community by adding your email just about anywhere @ Check out our blog for more of our no-BS career advice @ We have fun and inspiring t-shirts @ DISCLAIMER: This episode is not explicit, though contains mild swearing that may be unsustainable for younger audiences. Tweetable Comments: "Am I only fun to be around when I'm drunk?" "Here I am, Identifying my problems but doing nothing to solve them." "Anyone who hasn't listened to an episode before, that was a summary of the last 60+ episodes of Nicole's career." "The antichrist of authenticity is this lousy, fake, go through the motions, bullshit energy that's in the corporate workplace." "If I'm going to go and talk to corporations, how are they going to feel when they see things sassy like 'A-HOLE Manifesto'?" "I've got one for you: F.U.C.K. - Finally Upending Crappy Keynotes." "It's not going to stop me, but it reminds me I'm really pushing at the forefront of something that's different." "It's the same playbook being set everywhere, and it has been for 30 years, and it's just not enough. The playbook is not working." "If you're looking to move the needle, and you're looking to shake it up, then probably I'm you're gal." "A lot of this shit sounds self-serving, and it's self-serving for the people at the top." "You're doing the simple things that aren't that costly but make the biggest difference." My LinkedIn has really blown up recently, maybe it's because I'm no longer behind a firewall." "Every day I have people say 'if you have a job, I don't care what level, I'm gonna come and work for you." "I'm feeling burned out, I'm not feeling productive, I'm feeling like I need to not sit in front of a computer for 18 hours a day." "I've got a whole list of new anxieties to explore in this new world." "We could be the best MC's any women's conference has ever seen." "I was forced to have calls, I was forced to have interactions with people - ther...