AspieCast - Asperger Syndrome Podcast

In this episode, I mention a longstanding pattern that was both subtle and mentally devastating. The pattern seemed to be that whenever I made a new friend, they would eventually - either after a couple days, weeks, months, or in some cases years - be turned off by me and not want to be around me, and in some cases not hiding behavior that conveyed strongly how they felt a need to ignore me.

The end result: I ended up over the long term having a pattern of avoiding interactions with people I considered successful or well connected, and being friends only with people who others would consider losers, and who weren't really the types who could be a part of connecting you to the world in ways that I saw other folks do, namely the ones I wanted to be friends with.

Take a listen - this show isn't too long - and then let me know by email if you have had any sort of similar situations when trying to make friends. and if so, did you find it to be a pattern and how did you deal with the loss of friends? If you are not an Aspie, let me know if you have felt compelled to start avoiding or ignoring someone who wanted to be your friend and what made you reach that point.

Thanks for checking out the Aspiecast!

-Steven

In this episode, I mention the great book that I have been listening to (and why I prefer to listen, not read.) The book is called The Like Switch and can be bought online in readable and audible formats here:

bitly.com/aspiecast1

Thats the first part of the episode..... then I get into what I've considered the lifelong painful intersection of hormones (aka sex drive) and Aspergers.

The 2 have a profound opposing effect on each other - and from my perspective, Aspergers makes for a very very frustrating life. In fact, I believe the 4 meltdowns I've had - in which I've been in a state of undescribable, unforgettable mental pain for at least 5 minutes or more - are directly traceable to the inability to interact with other human beings in a way that might bring about physical intimacy. Jealousy and sadness after learning about others' successs in the area has always been painful to endure and long-recurring.

If you have experiences in this realm that you feel are powerful and worth mentioning on a future episode, anonymously of course, please don't hesitate to send an email to [email protected] .

Thanks for listening!

In this episode I mention how I had received an email saying it could be great if I could provide solutions to some of the problems I encounter or have identified in these podcast episodes. I also mention how I wasnt aware that a recurring theme on these episodes is my shame, and I have been thinking more about how I'm letting shame really get to me these days.

The idea about providing solutions struck me nicely, because my entire career has been about solving problems and finding solutions to very complex situations. I've continually amazed myself at the types of bizarre problems I've been able to solve within communications networks, so I enjoyed thinking about how I could offer some sort of advice that might help to guide an aspie toward a solution of some sort, given some particular ASD-related problem such as interacting with people in a certain scenario.

However, I believe that the solutions to such things are only available with preplanning. Choosing a great blue collar work environment is my best recommendation if preplanning is possible.

However, if current solutions are needed to deal with a certain behavior, and when there isn't an authority figure present to offer corrective advice, there is a huge, painful roadblock in place: The aspie doesnt know there is a problem, and the people on the other side of any interaction with the aspie almost never will have the guts to say anything, for fear of being impolite, or hurting the aspie's feelings, or because the nature of the relationship isnt intense enough to warrant getting into such intimate details as telling an aspie something crucial about his/her voice, as an example.

Feel free to email thoughts anytime: [email protected]

Thanks!

In this episode I mention how I have received sudden anger in conversation with another person, yet I have no idea how the conversation could have caused me to suddenly be treated like I've done somethign wrong.

I suspect I might have unknowlngly or unconscously brought about the anger I received by expressing what may have been strong antagonism after hearing the other party in the conversation say something that I considered fundamentally incorrect. But I am only guessing since I have no recollection of being antagonistic.

In searching for any indications of whether I could have let out some angry comments without being aware, i found the concept of vocal tics, and became aware that I suffered frome these for at least several years from 4th to 7th grade, and got very embarassed because I didn't have the control over my noises and in some cases didnt realize I was making noises.

I got over the vocal part, but still suffer to this day from a sniffling version of vocal tics, for at least the last 17 years. It isn't constant but I do find that when I am in a situation where anxiety is present in my body, I start sniffling every minute or more, and most of the time I dont realize I am doing it. People I am interacting with start asking me on a regular basis if I have allergies or a cold.

Thanks for listening and always feel free to email [email protected] with any comments or suggestions for new episodes.

In this episode I mention how I'm rather down on being an Aspie because of the overall results that have accumulated over life. Over the last year or more, I have realized how Aspergers has contributed to a state of being alone, as well as learning how much I have affected others in a very painful way throughout my 20s, 30s, and 40s.

A major way I'm learning what it was like for former friends to be around with me is through daily interactions I now have with someone who exhibits severe and obvious traits of Aspergers. I'm on the receiving end of self centered, rule based, right/wrong thinking (where others are always wrong or just stupid), and in general demeaning conversations with someone who at their core is a good person.

The net result is that I see almost exactly what it was like when I had friends who enjoyed being around me at first because they could sense what I offered in terms of interesting conversation and interactions, and then gradually they realized how painful it could be to be around me. Even if I wasn't criticizing them, I was criticizing others and focusing conversations on how stupid other people were in various situations that often don't matter at all because they have no effect on me.

Seeing all this evidence now of what it was like to be around me, I regularly suffer bouts of shame. Unfortunatley the shame became intense when I tried to get off of the anti-anxiety medication Paroxetine, so I reverted back to my normal dose after a few weeks when I put two and two together and realized that there was a connection to the dosage level and new, painful episodes of shame that began to arise daily and which spun my brain out of control.

Thanks for listening! Also dont forget to check out books.aspiecast.com which is an amazon store I set up with some of the books and other media that have left an imprint on me.