Scrupulosity, Bad Confession Experiences, and Young People Leaving the Church

Fr. Josh answers questions about whether bad confession experiences are valid, how to avoid scrupulosity (obsession with avoiding sin), and how to invite people back to the Church.

If you have a question, comment, or response for Fr. Josh, email us at [email protected]. You may hear your question or comment in an upcoming podcast episode!

Snippet from the Show
“The second Peter took his eyes off of God, and fixed his eyes on the storm, he began to sink. The same thing happens to us.”

SHOWNOTES

Glory Story (1:11)
Fr. Josh shares a story about the lay vocation to become a saint!

Listener Feedback (6:15)

Bad Confession Experiences (7:47)
Dear Father Josh, Thank you so much for your ministry. I have enjoyed listening to your podcast and I can tell that you truly take all of our listeners’ questions to prayer seriously and answer them thoughtfully and prayerfully. My question is about what to do when you have a bad confession experience. I’m a lifelong Catholic and I truly believe that the sacrament of reconciliation is a sacrament of healing. I have experienced this love and healing many times over the years, so I believe in its power. I try to attend regularly. My younger brother has autism and had a very negative confession experience many years ago when he was in high school. My dad took him to confession and suggested to my brother that he let the priest know in advance about his autism to help give the priest context. When my brother entered the confessional and started off his confession by saying, “I have autism,” the priest told him that autism is a sin. He didn’t tell our family this happened until much later and he hasn’t been to confession since. This truly hurt my brother’s faith, understandably.

I myself had a negative confession experience when I was in college. I was really struggling and hurting and was truly sorry for the sins I confessed and the priest told me, “I am absolutely appalled by what you have told me.” This had never ever happened to me and I was confused. When I asked for absolution, he scoffed and said, “I suppose!” I was worried that my confession wasn’t actually absolved, so I re-confessed everything to my regular priest and told him what happened. The difference between the two priests was like night and day even though the sins were the same. My regular priest told me that if I ever was made to feel uncomfortable like that again, I had permission to stand up and leave.

I’m sure that everyone has bad experiences like these... I know sometimes people won’t visit certain priests for confession. I understand that a priest during confession is in persona Christi, but how am I supposed to feel when my brother, or a friend, or myself, have a negative experience with a priest who truly isn’t acting as Christ during confession? I have had nothing but positive experiences with the sacrament since that one bad time during college, but it’s always in the back of my mind. All it takes for some people is one negative experience to make them doubt the Church and the healing power of reconciliation. How can a priest truly be in persona Christi if they’re saying hurtful things? Is it ever okay to leave a confessional in an instance like this and can a negative confession experience be invalid?
-Amy

Scrupulosity (17:19)
Hello Father Josh, I would like to start this email by thanking you for your podcast. It has been extremely helpful to me in understanding the teachings of the Church and applying them to real situations that I face. Your friendly attitude and ability to explain doctrine in an accessible way is refreshing, and I thank God for the gift he has given the Church in you.

I am 25 years old and a cradle Catholic. I attended Catholic school up to 9th grade, although I fell away from practicing the faith in college. One of the main reasons for this was I didn't understand the Church's teachings on subjects like same-sex relationships and contraception, and saw them as out-of-touch and prejudiced. About two months ago I had an experience that brought me back to the Church, and I decided to start intentionally living my faith. This lead me to do research on the Church and its teachings, and I realized I was ignorant of many things, such as the precept of fasting from meat on all Fridays (I have never heard the precepts mentioned in school or church).

What I realized through my research is that my conception of the Church was very different from the reality of it, and the reality is scary. I used to think that Hell was reserved for the worst of humanity, but Jesus himself says in the Gospel of Matthew that “broad” is the road to destruction and “only a few” find the gate of life. This passage in particular absolutely de...