Ask Father Josh (Your Catholic Question and Answer Podcast)

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DISCLAIMER: Fr. Josh and Dr. Mario Sacasa dive deep into some of these topics including conjugal love and struggles with pornography. You may want to listen first and discern whether or not it is the right time for your child(ren) to listen.

Today Fr. Josh answers questions about sexual baggage, feeling guilty about NFP, the morality of pleasure outside the marital act, and dealing with a partner who watches porn.

If you have a question, comment, or response for Fr. Josh, email us at [email protected]. You may hear your question or comment in an upcoming podcast episode!

Snippet from the Show
“If you’re not already putting practices in place to grow in holiness and find freedom, then you’re not going to get married and all of a sudden have everything get better.”

SHOWNOTES

Glory Story (1:15)
Fr. Josh is celebrating five years of priesthood and spent some time with brother priests to celebrate everyone’s ordination! As they were celebrating, they shared something that pierced Fr. Josh’s heart and almost made him cry.

Listener Feedback (5:52)

Marital Pleasure (10:54)
Other than actual intercourse, is it wrong for married couples to enjoy physical pleasure with each other if they don't intend it to result in intercourse every time?
-Maddie

Sexual History (15:23)
How am I supposed to handle my boyfriend's sexual past, me being a virgin? It feels at times like I've been betrayed even though he didn't know me at the time. I also worry what it would mean for our marriage, not only regarding human insecurities but lost graces. The secular advice is "his past is none of your business" but I feel if we get married it will be my business.
-Confused Girlfriend

Pornogrogaphy in a Relationship (28:58)
How do you deal with porn in a relationship -- by that, I mean, it hurts to get months into a relationship with someone who is quite wonderful, then find out he struggles with a porn problem. But, mortal sins are also not a first date topic. And although I've heard some say you shouldn't date someone who has this problem, I don't find myself able to act on that advice, or even able to find a guy who doesn't struggle with this! On the other hand, it makes a relationship so hard to maintain... when you know your SO is looking at other girls, it makes you feel like your relationship is a lie, or maybe you're not worth very much. It puts distance and mistrust between you, and it doesn't help much to know, logically, that you're valuable, when you feel like you're not. I don't want to tell him never to talk about this with me, because I don't want to pretend it's not happening. But I also don't want to hear about it, because it hurts so much. I don't want to leave because I'll regret it, and as I said... the next guy will probably be dealing with the same thing anyway. I petition St. Jude for intercession because this seems so hopeless. What's a girl -- or guy -- to do?
-Anonymous

Struggles with NFP (40:51)
1.) My husband and I have been married for a little over 8 years and have 4 beautiful children (7, 5 1/2, 3 1/2, and 16 months), plus a couple more babies in Heaven that I miscarried. My struggle comes with practicing NFP. We have always used the Creighton Model, but I'm a yellow stamper (meaning my cycles aren't always as obvious) and I also have a history of low progesterone (hence the miscarriages) and have had to be on progesterone supplements for my last three pregnancies. That being said, I'm terrified of getting pregnant again. Don't get me wrong... I will be elated if I end up pregnant. I really want another baby. But due to several factors including financial restraints, having an extremely small house, and still having low progesterone where I could end up miscarrying again, my husband and I are currently "trying to avoid". I realize we don't need to have a dozen kids to make it into Heaven (though not there's anything wrong with that), but I feel guilty any time my husband and I want to be intimate and I can't tell if I'm fertile or not. Part of me feels like it’s best for us to avoid right now, but then part of me wonders if that's being closed off to God and not welcoming any children He has planned (because obviously His plans are infinitely better than mine). I just feel this huge amount of guilt and frustration either way. We are working with our NFP coordinator to figure out my cycles, but until then, it's a lot of "Well you could've used those days" (which doesn't help us after the fact), or feeling guilty that I am disappointing my husband for having to abstain so much or worried that my attitude is disappointing God. Besides bearing my cross and continuing to meet with my NFP coordinator, d...

Fr. Josh switches things up today and asks you questions! Sit back and hear Fr. Josh ask you questions about prayer, politics, forgiveness, and your relationship with Jesus.

Snippet From the Show

In the garden of Gethsemane, the disciples were in the presence of Jesus Christ but they were not present to him. How often are you in the presence of God but not present to him?

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Support Ask Father Josh (Your Catholic Question and Answer Podcast)

Andy Lesnefsky from Vagabond Ministries joins Father Josh to discuss how to find/build Catholic community, being judged by Catholics for having tattoos, why you shouldn’t worry about fitting a perfect Catholic mold, and how to avoid burnout when you’re always serving others.

Today’s podcast was recorded live last week in Phoenix Arizona at the FOCUS Student Leadership SLS conference. Tune in to hear the first ever glory stories from audience members and a even a question from the audience. Thank you for all your prayers for this incredible conference and all the young Catholics who attended!

Glory Story (0:45)
**
**Fitting a "Catholic Mold" (12:07)

Hello Father Josh,
I want to thank you for your podcast. I appreciate how you bring your full personality to each recording. It has been especially helpful to me because I often get this sense that I need to change and fit some mold in order to be acceptable or rather leave behind my culture and my personality and become a woman who is meak, quiet, and soft. This is an ongoing struggle for me though to understand how to sanctify our culture and personality traits rather than just trying to become someone I’m not. What are your thoughts on this? I often see examples of women promoting strong Catholics who dress and talk alike. I wanna find myself in Christ, but that does not mean just conforming right? I’m hoping you can catch what I’m trying to ask. Thank you so much for this podcast and even reading this email I appreciate the ministry.

• Nkeka

Being Judged by Older Catholics for My Tattoos (17:13)
I’m a 27-year-old guy with 3/4ths sleeve of tattoos. It shows how God has helped me through my childhood struggles and how he made me stronger because of it. Through my tattoo I’ve been able to bring a few people back to God and knowing his love for us. I feel that it’s my way of evangelizing. Some people in leadership at my parish, they know my story and they’re excited about my tattoo, and they’re excited that it’s my way of evangelizing. These same adults encourage me and other young adults to go out and evangelize others. Yet and still, I’ve also been told by them that I have to wear long-sleeve shirts to cover up my tattoo whenever I’m on the parish grounds. How do I approach this?

• Anonymous

Avoiding Burnout While Serving Others (22:52)
How can one lead a community while still being a part of the community? Myself and a few of my good friends are the leadership team at my university's Catholic center. We do not have a campus minister or any missionaries, so a majority of the ministry falls upon the shoulders of myself and the rest of the officer team It’s been incredibly difficult to live in the community while also leading it. We became exhausted over the past semester, constantly pouring into the community, and the community not pouring back into us, and all of our relationships with Christ have suffered. Over the break the Lord restored us greatly but how do we keep a repeat of last semester from happening again?

• Michaela

*Lack of Young Adult Catholic Community (30:55) *
Thank you very much Father. I am here (SLS 2020) with the Archdiocese of Military Services and I’m in the Coastguard stationed in Valdez, Alaska, and there’s a small parish there but generally I feel pretty darn isolated in terms of young adult Catholics, on fire with the faith. I haven’t been super stellar at keeping the march going if you know what I mean. What advice do you have for Catholics, military or otherwise, who are generally isolated? I know the calling is to be that leader, start that young adult community, I know that answer, but the truth is it’s just really difficult to connect with people who, even at the parish, don’t get it, if you know what I mean - you just don’t have that connection with them. I feel like I’m really falling short.

- Hanna (Live from SLS 2020)

Resources
Help support Dave and Amber Vanvickle through their GoFundMe
Check out Andy Lesnefsky’s organization, Vagabond Missions
Subscribe to the show by texting “askfrjosh” to 33-777

Support Ask Father Josh (Your Catholic Question and Answer Podcast)

For full shownotes, text ASKFRJOSH to 33-777 or visit [AscensionPress.com](ascensionpress.com/askfrjosh)

Support Ask Father Josh (Your Catholic Question and Answer Podcast)