Secrets of Sex and Marriage with Shaunti Feldhahn
04/03/23 • 33 min
Altitude Training is Here!
James is launching something brand new—and you're invited.
Altitude Training is a 12-month coaching experience designed for men who are ready to grow—at home, at work, and in life. Whether you're looking to lead more effectively, show up with greater intention in your marriage, or become the dad your kids look up to, this journey is all about helping you rise to your next level of leadership without losing yourself in the process.
What you’ll gain:
- Practical tools for leading yourself and others well
- Real-time application to marriage, fatherhood, and work
- A small, committed group of men pursuing purpose and growth
- A clear path to live and lead with greater clarity, confidence, and impact
Space is limited!
Text the word GROW to 66866 to learn more and take the next step.
In this episode James and Lisa have a conversation with Shaunti Feldhahn, co-author of the book "Secrets of Sex and Marriage." The episode tackles one of the most taboo topics in most relationships - Sex in marriage. Shaunti and her co-author, renowned sex therapist Michael Sytsma, spent three years and $120,000 on a research project involving interviewing over 5,300 people, leading to major surprises and aha moments. They identified the little things that make a big difference in making marriage sex work. The episode reveals how communication is crucial and how making people understand the differences in desire and addressing underlying issues can bring freedom and growth in a relationship. With the book designed to be read together, Shaunti believes that "Secrets of Sex and Marriage" can help couples understand each other better and feel validated.
"Communication is the elephant in the room - the topic we avoid because of its awkwardness. Despite having close friends, we rarely address it with them. It’s the only issue we never speak about, leading to the creation of myths and misunderstandings which guide our actions. If we don’t learn to communicate with our partners, these myths will keep us from true understanding."
Topics discussed:
How intimacy in marriage is the least talked-about topic
Research on the little things that make a big difference in making marriage intimacy work
Communication gaps and misunderstandings and how they impact intimacy
Understanding the differences in desire
Establishing signals or cues for willingness to engage in sexual activity
The church as a safe place for difficult conversations, and the creation of a curriculum on intimacy in marriage
Resources:
Schedule a Discovery Call about Marriage Reboot
SUBSCRIBE: Newsletter
Support the Podcast:
patreon.com/ArtofSpousing
Other episodes you'll enjoy:
Practising the Art of Spousing
Guest Resources:
Websites: shaunti.com, secretsofsexandmarriage.com
IG: @shauntifeldhahn
FB: Shaunti Feldhahn
Shaunti's Books:
- Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference
- FOR WOMEN ONLY: What Men Think 98% of the Time: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. What You Need to Know About How Guys Think
- For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
- Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself
Altitude Training is Here!
James is launching something brand new—and you're invited.
Altitude Training is a 12-month coaching experience designed for men who are ready to grow—at home, at work, and in life. Whether you're looking to lead more effectively, show up with greater intention in your marriage, or become the dad your kids look up to, this journey is all about helping you rise to your next level of leadership without losing yourself in the process.
What you’ll gain:
- Practical tools for leading yourself and others well
- Real-time application to marriage, fatherhood, and work
- A small, committed group of men pursuing purpose and growth
- A clear path to live and lead with greater clarity, confidence, and impact
Space is limited!
Text the word GROW to 66866 to learn more and take the next step.
In this episode James and Lisa have a conversation with Shaunti Feldhahn, co-author of the book "Secrets of Sex and Marriage." The episode tackles one of the most taboo topics in most relationships - Sex in marriage. Shaunti and her co-author, renowned sex therapist Michael Sytsma, spent three years and $120,000 on a research project involving interviewing over 5,300 people, leading to major surprises and aha moments. They identified the little things that make a big difference in making marriage sex work. The episode reveals how communication is crucial and how making people understand the differences in desire and addressing underlying issues can bring freedom and growth in a relationship. With the book designed to be read together, Shaunti believes that "Secrets of Sex and Marriage" can help couples understand each other better and feel validated.
"Communication is the elephant in the room - the topic we avoid because of its awkwardness. Despite having close friends, we rarely address it with them. It’s the only issue we never speak about, leading to the creation of myths and misunderstandings which guide our actions. If we don’t learn to communicate with our partners, these myths will keep us from true understanding."
Topics discussed:
How intimacy in marriage is the least talked-about topic
Research on the little things that make a big difference in making marriage intimacy work
Communication gaps and misunderstandings and how they impact intimacy
Understanding the differences in desire
Establishing signals or cues for willingness to engage in sexual activity
The church as a safe place for difficult conversations, and the creation of a curriculum on intimacy in marriage
Resources:
Schedule a Discovery Call about Marriage Reboot
SUBSCRIBE: Newsletter
Support the Podcast:
patreon.com/ArtofSpousing
Other episodes you'll enjoy:
Practising the Art of Spousing
Guest Resources:
Websites: shaunti.com, secretsofsexandmarriage.com
IG: @shauntifeldhahn
FB: Shaunti Feldhahn
Shaunti's Books:
- Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference
- FOR WOMEN ONLY: What Men Think 98% of the Time: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. What You Need to Know About How Guys Think
- For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
- Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself
Previous Episode
Navigating Three Types of Tension in Marriage
Altitude Training is Here!
James is launching something brand new—and you're invited.
Altitude Training is a 12-month coaching experience designed for men who are ready to grow—at home, at work, and in life. Whether you're looking to lead more effectively, show up with greater intention in your marriage, or become the dad your kids look up to, this journey is all about helping you rise to your next level of leadership without losing yourself in the process.
What you’ll gain:
- Practical tools for leading yourself and others well
- Real-time application to marriage, fatherhood, and work
- A small, committed group of men pursuing purpose and growth
- A clear path to live and lead with greater clarity, confidence, and impact
Space is limited!
Text the word GROW to 66866 to learn more and take the next step.
Are you looking for ways to improve your marriage? If so, then this podcast episode is for you! James and Lisa discovered new truths about their relationship, even after 30 years of marriage. They share a personal experience that led to some realizations in their marriage, believing that their podcast can help you take your marriage from survival mode to thriving. In this episode, they discuss the three types of tension that can create conflict in marriage and offer practical tips on how to navigate them. They emphasize that acknowledging a season of tension can help keep things in perspective, and staying connected with your spouse is crucial in difficult seasons. They even discuss how the power of the Holy Spirit can help us avoid heartache and frustration by speaking correction. Tune in to learn how to address tension in your marriage and gain greater unity.
"Conflict is not the absence of unity. Conflict is the opportunity for greater unity."
Topics Discussed:
Three types of tension
Conflict management tools
Marriage Reboot Retreat
Situational, seasonal, and systemic tensions
The power of the Holy Spirit in marriage
Identifying the root causes of tension
Check-ins on different dimensions of intimacy
Conditional clause rules for conflict management
Resources:
Schedule a Discovery Call about Marriage Reboot
SUBSCRIBE: Email Updates
Support the Podcast:
patreon.com/ArtofSpousing
Other episodes you'll enjoy:
Conflict: The Opportunity for Unity
Practising the Art of Spousing
Connect with us:
Send Questions and Comments to: [email protected]
Website: artofspousing.com
FB: artofspousing
IG: @artofspousing
James IG: @thejamesduvall
Lisa IG: @lisaduvall
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Next Episode
Enneagram: The Secret to Understanding Your Marriage with Jeff and Beth McCord
Altitude Training is Here!
James is launching something brand new—and you're invited.
Altitude Training is a 12-month coaching experience designed for men who are ready to grow—at home, at work, and in life. Whether you're looking to lead more effectively, show up with greater intention in your marriage, or become the dad your kids look up to, this journey is all about helping you rise to your next level of leadership without losing yourself in the process.
What you’ll gain:
- Practical tools for leading yourself and others well
- Real-time application to marriage, fatherhood, and work
- A small, committed group of men pursuing purpose and growth
- A clear path to live and lead with greater clarity, confidence, and impact
Space is limited!
Text the word GROW to 66866 to learn more and take the next step.
Despite their busy lives, Beth and Jeff McCord never could have imagined that the Enneagram would lead them on a journey of profound discovery and transformation - not just in their own marriage and parenting, but in the lives of their Christian community as well. What was this unexpected twist and how did it bring healing and wholeness to their relationship?
In this episode, you will be able to: 1. Discover the power of Enneagram as an instrument to transform marriages. 2. Uncover ways to fuse Enneagram insights with Christian perspectives for a holistic approach. 3. Harness your unique attributes for more effective couple communication. 4. Delve into the complexities of Enneagram-based marriage dynamics and how to better navigate them. 5. Root your marriage improvement journey in faith and self-awareness.
These personality tools actually name something of our glory, of our God-given glory, about how we can uniquely reflect something of who God is for us. - Jeff McCord
Our special guests are Jeff and Beth McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, an organization dedicated to helping individuals and couples understand the Enneagram and use it to transform their lives. They are also the authors of two books, "Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage" and "More Than Your Number: A Christ-Centered Enneagram Approach to Becoming Aware of Your Internal World." With a strong foundation in theology, Jeff and Beth have dedicated their lives to helping couples strengthen their marriages through a Gospel-centered approach to the Enneagram.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
- Visit becomingus.com to access the 45 unique Enneagram couple-type courses offered by Jeff and Beth McCord.
- Schedule a call with James and Lisa Duvall to learn more about their Marriage Reboot retreat at artofspousing.com/marriagecoaching or direct message them on Instagram with the word Call.
- Read Jeff and Beth McCord's books, Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage and More Than Your Number: A Christ-Centered Enneagram Approach to Becoming Aware of Your Internal World.
- Follow Your Enneagram Coach on social media to stay updated on their content and resources.
- Explore the Enneagram from a biblical perspective and use it to deepen your understanding of yourself, your spouse, and your relationship with Christ.
- Share the Enneagram with friends, family, and the church community to help them better understand themselves and their relationships.
- Reflect on your Enneagram type and consider how it may affect your marriage and other relationships and how you can use it to align with the Gospel.
- Look into other resources, such as John Gottman's material on marriage, to gain further insights into maintaining a healthy, Christ-centered relationship.
Resources:
Schedule a Discovery Call about Marriage Reboot
SUBSCRIBE: Newsletter
Support the Podcast:
patreon.com/ArtofSpousing
Other episodes you'll enjoy:
Practising the Art of Spousing
Me Awareness We Awareness
Connect with Guest:
Websites:
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