The (New) Rules of Dating

05/10/21 • 25 min

In this episode of Checking In, we hear from Loree, who is unsure about how to navigate dating right now. Online dating could be difficult even before the pandemic. Now, trust is even trickier to establish when it comes to things like vaccination status, caution levels, and boundaries. Not to mention how daunting dating again can be after so much social isolation. To help Loree figure it all out, Zahra first consults SELF senior health editor Patia Braithwaite about what she’s noticed in her coverage of dating life since the pandemic began. Then Zahra chats with Traci Medeiros-Bagan, L.M.F.T., a relationship therapist based out of California. They give advice on how to have these tricky conversations with someone you’re interested in, and how to figure out your own boundaries during this time.

You can read Patia’s work at SELF here, and follow her on Twitter @PdorBRaithw8.

You can learn more about Traci’s work on their website: http://compassionaterevolt.com/

Check out these SELF articles about dating during this time and the many questions it brings up:

Pandemic Dating Is Hard--But Hasn’t It Always Been Difficult? (https://www.self.com/story/dating-during-pandemic)

9 Ways Non-Monogamous People Are Dealing With the Pandemic (https://www.self.com/story/non-monogamous-pandemic-dating)

How To Deal If Being Single Has You Worried About “Biological Clocks” and Timelines (https://www.self.com/story/being-single-stress-about-the-future)

16 Quarantine Date Ideas That Are Actually Really Great

(https://www.self.com/story/quarantine-date-ideas)

I Book Club with Bumble Matches--Here’s What I’ve Learned

(https://www.self.com/story/bumble-book-club)

Road Test: I Tried Hinge’s Virtual Date Night Kit

(https://www.self.com/story/hinge-virtual-date-kit)

Is Your Rebound Relationship Actually Harmful?

(https://www.self.com/story/rebound-relationship)

Yes, Your Situationship Breakup Is Real

(https://www.self.com/story/situationship-breakup)

16 Intriguing Dating Apps To Try If You Want To Meet Someone New

(https://www.self.com/story/16-dating-apps)

Everything Isn’t A Red Flag--Here’s How to Tell the Difference

(dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

You can read Patia’s work at SELF here, and follow her on Twitter @PdorBRaithw8.

You can learn more about Traci’s work on their website: http://compassionaterevolt.com/

Check out these SELF articles about dating during this time and the many questions it brings up:

Pandemic Dating Is Hard--But Hasn’t It Always Been Difficult? (https://www.self.com/story/dating-during-pandemic)

9 Ways Non-Monogamous People Are Dealing With the Pandemic (https://www.self.com/story/non-monogamous-pandemic-dating)

How To Deal If Being Single Has You Worried About “Biological Clocks” and Timelines (https://www.self.com/story/being-single-stress-about-the-future)

16 Quarantine Date Ideas That Are Actually Really Great

(https://www.self.com/story/quarantine-date-ideas)

I Book Club with Bumble Matches--Here’s What I’ve Learned

(https://www.self.com/story/bumble-book-club)

Road Test: I Tried Hinge’s Virtual Date Night Kit

(https://www.self.com/story/hinge-virtual-date-kit)

Is Your Rebound Relationship Actually Harmful?

(https://www.self.com/story/rebound-relationship)

Yes, Your Situationship Breakup Is Real

(https://www.self.com/story/situationship-breakup)

16 Intriguing Dating Apps To Try If You Want To Meet Someone New

(https://www.self.com/story/16-dating-apps)

Everything Isn’t A Red Flag--Here’s How to Tell the Difference

(dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

Previous Episode

The Healing Powers of Gratitude and Joy, featuring Kristen Bell

In this episode of Checking In, we hear from Jenna, a listener who has a question many of us feel deep down during this time: How can we help ourselves feel better when the world is basically a dumpster fire? Sometimes, adding even just one more thing to your to-do list feels insurmountable. Zahra consults Mariel Buqué, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and holistic mental health expert based in NYC. She’s been helping her clients adjust to pandemic life stressors, particularly by emphasizing the connection between mind, body, and soul. Dr. Buqué offers some practical tips for incorporating gratitude and joy into your life so that you actually feel better—without veering into toxic positivity. After that, Zahra chats with actor and mental health advocate Kristen Bell, who is also SELF’s May digital cover star. They discuss how to set up a personal toolkit to deal with life in an overwhelming world, why Bell is a big fan of gratitude lists, and how she tries to find contentment in her day-to-day life.

You can learn more about Mariel Buqué’s work here, and you can follow her on Instagram @dr.marielbuque.

You can follow Kristen Bell on Instagram @kristenanniebell and on Twitter @KristenBell. And here’s SELF’s May digital cover, featuring Bell discussing everything from parenting in a pandemic to how her husband, Dax Shepard, helps her cope with anxiety and depression.

For some helpful tips on how to begin a gratitude practice and how to try to find joy even when the world feels pretty awful, check out these articles:

The Healing Powers of Gratitude

4 Small Ways to Practice Gratitude Every Day

Please Celebrate Yourself—Even During a Pandemic

Black Joy Isn’t Frivolous--It’s Necessary

In Praise of Black People Laughing

What Is Resilience, and Can It Help Us Bounce Back From This?

13 Small but Impactful Ways to Cultivate Resilience

And here are some of the resources we mentioned for navigating really tough feelings in a way that goes beyond gratitude and joy:

7 Ways to Find an Actually Affordable Therapist

10 Online Support Groups for Anyone Struggling to Get Through 2020

41 Mental Health Apps That Will Make Life a Little Easier

Don’t miss out on new episodes of Checking In on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Apple Podcasts: http://listen.self.com/self-apple

Spotify: http://listen.self.com/self-spotify

Google Podcasts: http://listen.self.com/self-google

Don't forget to sign up for the Checking In newsletter here: https://www.self.com/newsletter/checking-in

If you have a health or wellness question of your own and want a chance to be featured on the podcast, you can submit it here.

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Next Episode

Becoming Your Own Advocate

In our last episode of the season, we hear from Victoria, an archivist who was forced to find answers on her own about her endometriosis. Like many others diagnosed with a chronic illness, she’s faced multiple hurdles while navigating the medical system. Even though she’s learned a lot along the way, she wants to know how to continue to advocate for herself to her doctor—and how she can advocate for others in similar positions as well. Zahra consults Lauren Selfridge, L.M.F.T., a psychotherapist with multiple sclerosis and the host of This Is Not What I Ordered, a podcast about “full-hearted” living with chronic illness. Lauren shares her experience with multiple sclerosis, and how to find empathetic medical professionals who take you seriously, and the power of a good second opinion.

You can learn more about Lauren’s work at her website (https://laurenselfridge.com) and you can follow her on Instagram @laurenselfridgeofficical (https://www.instagram.com/laurenselfridgeofficial/?hl=en).

You can listen to her podcast This Is Not What I Ordered wherever you get your podcasts.

Here are some SELF resources and articles about navigating life when you have a chronic illness:

Opening Up About Your Chronic Illness

(https://www.self.com/story/checking-in-podcast-multiple-sclerosis)

Writing A Chronic Illness Elevator Pitch Has Made My Doctor’s Appointments So Much Easier

(https://www.self.com/story/chronic-illness-elevator-pitch)

Let’s Talk About Dating and Relationships When You Have a Chronic Illness

(https://www.self.com/story/checking-in-podcast-sex-love-sleep-apnea)

For People with Chronic Illness, Social Isolation Is Nothing New

(https://www.self.com/story/chronic-illness-social-isolation-coronavirus)

I’m Furious That It Took Almost a Decade to Diagnose My Chronic Pain

(https://www.self.com/story/chronic-pain-ankylosing-spondylitis)

If It Isn’t Chronic Lyme, What Is It?

(https://www.self.com/story/chronic-lyme)

How to Support a Friend Who’s Just Been Diagnosed With a Chronic Illness

(https://www.self.com/story/support-friend-chronic-illness)

Don’t miss out on new episodes of Checking In on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Apple Podcasts: http://listen.self.com/self-apple

Spotify: http://listen.self.com/self-spotify

Google Podcasts: http://listen.self.com/self-google

Don't forget to sign up for the Checking In newsletter here: https://www.self.com/newsletter/chec... Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices