Navigating Relationships as an Adoptee
Explicit content warning
01/27/23 • 32 min
Navigating Relationships as an Adoptee
Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha explore the complexities of navigating relationships as adoptees. From dating to friendships and family dynamics, they discuss how adoption trauma, abandonment issues, and people-pleasing tendencies impact their ability to connect with others. The conversation delves into why adoptees may struggle to feel secure in relationships and why educating partners and friends is so important. They also provide advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.
In this episode, we cover:
(01:03) Sharing adoption status with partners and how it affects relationships.
(03:25) Lia discusses the difficulty of explaining estranged family relationships.
(04:05) Noelle reflects on fear of abandonment and its impact on introducing partners to family.
(06:26) The burden of educating partners and the need for them to educate themselves.
(07:51) Noelle’s positive experience of having a partner who actively learns about adoption.
(09:16) The struggle of being a people pleaser due to adoption trauma.
(12:22) Lia’s struggle to believe people truly care about her and feeling disposable.
(14:17) Noelle’s difficulty with bonding and having few deep relationships.
(15:45) The pressure to constantly put others first and ignore one's own needs.
(18:08) Noelle struggles to assert herself and avoid making others uncomfortable.
(19:05) Lia’s experience with friends not understanding how deeply adoption affects her.
(21:02) Lia’s attempt to address trauma with her adoptive parents and how it went poorly.
(22:55) The challenge of confronting adoptive parents about trauma and lack of accountability.
(24:51) The most challenging aspects of navigating relationships as an adoptee.
(28:08) Advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.
Call To Action:
- Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
- Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
- BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
- TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
- Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack
Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.
Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.
Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].
Navigating Relationships as an Adoptee
Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha explore the complexities of navigating relationships as adoptees. From dating to friendships and family dynamics, they discuss how adoption trauma, abandonment issues, and people-pleasing tendencies impact their ability to connect with others. The conversation delves into why adoptees may struggle to feel secure in relationships and why educating partners and friends is so important. They also provide advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.
In this episode, we cover:
(01:03) Sharing adoption status with partners and how it affects relationships.
(03:25) Lia discusses the difficulty of explaining estranged family relationships.
(04:05) Noelle reflects on fear of abandonment and its impact on introducing partners to family.
(06:26) The burden of educating partners and the need for them to educate themselves.
(07:51) Noelle’s positive experience of having a partner who actively learns about adoption.
(09:16) The struggle of being a people pleaser due to adoption trauma.
(12:22) Lia’s struggle to believe people truly care about her and feeling disposable.
(14:17) Noelle’s difficulty with bonding and having few deep relationships.
(15:45) The pressure to constantly put others first and ignore one's own needs.
(18:08) Noelle struggles to assert herself and avoid making others uncomfortable.
(19:05) Lia’s experience with friends not understanding how deeply adoption affects her.
(21:02) Lia’s attempt to address trauma with her adoptive parents and how it went poorly.
(22:55) The challenge of confronting adoptive parents about trauma and lack of accountability.
(24:51) The most challenging aspects of navigating relationships as an adoptee.
(28:08) Advice for those looking to build healthy relationships with adoptees.
Call To Action:
- Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
- Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
- BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
- TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
- Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack
Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.
Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.
Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].
Previous Episode
Unveiling Adoption's Dark Realities: Saviorism and Adoptive Parents' Narcissism
Saviorism, Narcissism, and the Adoption Industry
Episode Description:
In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, Noelle, Lia, and Tosha discuss adoption as it relates to saviorism and narcissism, particularly in the context of adoptive parents. They explore how saviorism centers the adoptive parents while disregarding the child's needs and how adoption as an industry upholds harmful power dynamics. This conversation highlights the common thread of narcissism found in many adoptive parents' experiences and questions the standards of evaluating prospective adoptive parents. Additionally, they discuss how family separation is upheld as a means to create a 'better life' for children, rather than providing resources to preserve families.
In this episode, we cover:
(00:33) Defining Saviorism and Its Connection to Adoption.
(03:11) The Profitable Nature of the Adoption Industry.
(04:10) Adoption Framed as a “Good Home” vs. “Bad Home.”
(05:06) Transracial Adoption and the White Savior Complex.
(06:05) The Harmful Narratives of 'Saving' Black Children.
(07:02) The Biases in Adoption Systems Against Black & Brown Families.
(09:00) The Role of Narcissism in Adoption.
(11:52) Emotional Burden on Adoptees and the Need for Support.
(13:38) Infertility and Narcissistic Patterns in Adoption.
(14:37) The Carceral Nature of the Child Welfare System.
(17:26) The Manipulation of 'Selflessness' in Adoption Narratives.
(20:05) Understanding Adoption Trauma.
Call To Action:
Website: adopteescrossinglines.com
Instagram: @adopteescrossinglines
BlueSky: adopteecrossing.bsky.social
TikTok: @adopteescrossinglines_
Substack: Adoptees Crossing Lines Substack
Resource:
Peer Support Space - A free global online peer support group for those who survived the system as kids. Register here.
Work With Me:
Email: [email protected] for brand partnerships and business inquiries.
Editing by Samuel Oyedele:
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast. Support his work on Instagram or email him at [email protected].
Next Episode
An Open Letter to the People who Bought Me
An open letter to the people who bought me
Yesterday I decided to text my adoptive parents that they failed me as parents, it was the first time I ever confronted them. I talk about how they responded in this episode and open up about being sexually assaulted as a child...then gaslighted. This was never my burden to carry, but they always blamed me. They used religion as a guise to avoid responsibility. Instead of risking the possibility of ruining their image, they chose to definitely ruin my life.
This episode is an open letter to my adoptive parents, the people who bought me.
“Shame dies when we tell our story”
What we discussed
(00:00) What happened yesterday OR What I texted my adoptive parents OR Telling my adoptive parents they failed me
(01:52) No one believed I was sexually assaulted OR Being sexually assaulted was MY fault???!
(06:45) They were EDUCATORS
(08:06) Should child protective services be abolished? OR Abolishing child protective services? OR Why I’m an abolitionist
(09:42) Olivia Atkocaitis’ story
(11:02) How the police failed me before I was born OR The police system is not broken.
(14:22) My parents were cowards OR I’m relieved he died
(17:38) Standing up to my parents for the first time
(20:15) How they responded
(25:36) Why I sent the text
(28:39) Own your story
Links
Olivia Atkocaitis’ Story on NBC
Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok
Learn more about Lia
Credits
Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at [email protected]
Adoptees Crossing Lines - Navigating Relationships as an Adoptee
Transcript
Lia 00:00:05 Hey everybody. Welcome to Adoptees Crossing Lines, the not so feel Good podcast. If you're looking for something that's grateful adoptees, this isn't the one for you, go ahead and keep scrolling and looking for another podcast. That's not where we're about over here.
Lia 00:00:20 All right, let's get into it. So for today's episode, we're gonna be talking about navigating relationships as an adoptee, and I think there's a number of things that we can cover under that umbrella,
If you like this episode you’ll love
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