025: Tales of Eight Cylinders and Virginal Odometers

Explicit content warning

04/17/23 • 78 min

In this episode, we dive into Amos's subconscious, which is predictably icky. Amos describes a dream he had the previous night. He headlines it as a dream where Edda went to buy a car. But what the dream is really about is how the car salesman sexually assaulted her. So, at least we know where Amos's priorities lie. The Ol' Mac-El-Dee makes a big point of repeating (endlessly) that the salesman's name was "Wilkins or Fortescue," as if that is, by it's nature a very funny piece of business, which it is not. Also, and not for nothing, the salesman looks a lot, A LOT, like Amos. So I guess that's maybe the point? It's a rape fantasy that Amos is having? It's all filled with car-related double entendres, because of course it is. Edda assumes, from Amos's description that her dream self simply gave herself to the car salesman, which shows where her priorities lie, I guess. Amos spends most of the dream choosing tea at Zabar's. As if that's a great place to choose tea. But then he rushes in to save her. I mean, not "rushes in," per se. He had to choose his fucking tea first. But he enters the dealership and pushes the salesman "onto his beezer." Whatever the fuck that means. In the end, Edda gets turned on by Amos and, while they're walking down the street, throws her vagina at his face. Seriously. Wait till you see the picture. It's fucking ridiculous. Also impossible.

The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode:

Wilkins or Fortescue descends on Edda and Amos chooses his tea at Zabar's are right here.
Amos pushes Wilkins or Forescue onto his beezer, Earl Grey keeps his secrets, and the Mac-El-Dee Walkin' C are right here.

This nightmarish episode includes:

Mullets
Headphones
Brooke's new comedy routine
Improv
Stuck in a closet
Listener feedback
"Tasty poopers"
Urban slang
Joe Biden
Abe Vigoda
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Harry Potter hands
8-cylinder cars
Andy Capp
Marathon Man
"Is it safe?"
Zabar's
Dean & Deluca
In 'N' Out
The Russian Tea Room
Walking cunnilingus
The Bachelor
Lawn chairs & ironing boards

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The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode:

This nightmarish episode includes:

Mullets
Headphones
Brooke's new comedy routine
Improv
Stuck in a closet
Listener feedback
"Tasty poopers"
Urban slang
Joe Biden
Abe Vigoda
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Harry Potter hands
8-cylinder cars
Andy Capp
Marathon Man
"Is it safe?"
Zabar's
Dean & Deluca
In 'N' Out
The Russian Tea Room
Walking cunnilingus
The Bachelor
Lawn chairs & ironing boards

Talk to Us!

Previous Episode

024: They Wanted You to Model Because of Sitzfleisch Allure

Edda's modeling career begins when a scout for the famous designer Nicolette Cignet picks Edda from everyone else in her dance company because of her nice butt. Only, Brooke Mac-El-Dee never says "nice butt," he prefers to say "caboose" over and over and over, with a brief digression to "sitzfleisch" from Amos. The twist is that they only want Edda for her butt and they want Janice to be the face. So, even though it makes zero sense, they'll use both of them: Janice's face and Edda's butt. There is no exploration of whose midriff and boobs will make the cut. Which, frankly, is a little surprising. Edda is angry to find out she's Janice's butt double. But showbiz is showbiz, right? The lone photographer sent to shoot this very important ad campaign takes his photos. They are terrible. Along the way, we are subjected to "undie-carriage," "golden hind," "sealing the deal," and "licking their chops." It's super gross. Edda ends up angry about butts, which takes us back around to one of the Thanksgiving strips we looked at, and helps us put in context why Edda was so mad about people saying "butt" all around her.

The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode:

Edda finds out the Nicolette Cignet people want to talk to her, Seth throws shade at Edda for it, and Seth goes out of his way to use "terpsichorean" are here.
Amos says "sitzfleisch" for no good reason, Edda and Janice find out they're both there for the job, and Edda and Janice shit talk each other's butts are here.
Edda finds out she's Janice's butt double, Gil explains why the Nicolette Cignet logo can't be seen on a small butt, and Gil sprays Janice with oil and water are here.
Gil takes his questionable photos, Edda and Janice talk about ballet being hard, and the truly terrible photo campaign are here.
We're introduced to the phrase "undie-carriage" and Edda goes on her Thanksgiving Butt Walk are here.

This award-winning, then award-losing episode includes:

Heart rates
The will to live
Urine drinking
Willie Nelson
The Huggle
Neck muscles
Steroids
Autopsy impressions
Rich Little is STILL doing impressions?
Fred Travelina
"The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand
"Welcome Back Kotter" theme song.
Dutch Angle
The Terpsichorean Arts
Sitzfleisch
Cabooses
Lobster claws
Chaps vs. Shaps
Van der Graaf Generator
Butt Doubles
Body Shaming
Coco from Fame
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Sergio Valente Jeans
Cross-Country Travel
Transporting Ashes

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Next Episode

026: The Wattles and the Flapping Flesh

Here we are introduced to 60-year-old Arthur Peel and his assistant Nan-Lin Peel (no relation), who is thirty years younger than him. Arthur excuses himself for being a disgusting old man, with a balding head, hair coming out of his ears and nose and eyebrows, wattles, and flapping flesh. These are his descriptions of himself, although Brooke Mac-El-Dee doesn't take the time to actually draw him that way. He is balding, but he has thin, very well groomed eyebrows, no visible wattles and few wrinkles to speak of. He repeats this stuff over and over to Nan-Lin, who seems bored and beaten down by his monologue. (You and us both, sister!) Of course, when Arthur adds that he is in love with her, this changes everything for Nan-Lin, who then literally crawls across a table to kiss him. Arthur, in typical Chickweed style, doesn't understand what's happening or that Nan-Lin wants his wrinkly and flapping Johnson. He looks terrified and concerned for all fourteen (yeah, sorry) of these strips. She even gets up on the table and presents her beave to him. Still, he doesn't fucking understand what's going on. Because...it's funny, I guess? Anyway, she eventually slides into his lap and then they disappear under the table. At this point, we discover that they are in a restaurant. The waiter arrives and is unfazed by their near-fucking in the booth. So much so, he takes their order, and then seats two other guests across from them. These guests, Seth and his boyfriend, don't notice that there's a couple moments away from intercourse across the booth from them. And they begin to make out too. At this point, both couples notice each other. Embarrassed (?) Arthur and Nan-Lin bolt from the restaurant, but not before Arthur gives the waiter a huge tip. The waiter then claims he's in love. Which must be a joke, but isn't funny really. And also makes no sense in any context provided. But what the fuck were we expecting anyway, right?

The Chickweed strips we discuss this episode:

Arthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh, Arthur talks about his wattles and flapping flesh AGAIN, and Arthur talks about his wattles but NOT his flapping flesh ARE HERE.
Nan-Lin presents her beave, Nan-Lin ends up in Arthur's lap, and Arthur and Nan-Lin end up lying down in a booth in a restaurant ARE HERE.
The waiter arrives to take their order, Nan-Lin and Arthur hear the waiter but just keep dry humping, and the waiter seats another couple opposite them ARE HERE.
Seth and Mark immediately begin to make out, Seth and Mark notice Arthur and Nan-Lin, and the waiter insists on a big tip ARE HERE.
The phrase "get a room" is uttered and the waiter falls in love with giant money ARE HERE.