59-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 1
Explicit content warning
03/12/25 • 33 min
Emma Jean Rowin survived an abusive marriage that culminated in her ex-husband becoming an active shooter. Her powerful memoir "When Things Collapse" chronicles this journey, but more importantly, reveals the subtle pathway that led her there - the very pathway many dismiss with "I would never stay in an abusive relationship."
Through reading passages from her book, Emma Jean transports us to her college years when the relationship began. We witness the seemingly small moments that were actually major warning signs: a boyfriend who breaks up with her repeatedly as punishment for minor disagreements, who throws a full drink at her friend over a harmless joke, who creates emotional chaos that somehow felt like passion to a young woman whose own parents modeled a passionless marriage.
What makes this conversation particularly insightful is the exploration of why smart, capable people remain in toxic relationships. Both Emma Jean and host Ingrid reflect on how their family backgrounds created blind spots, how the intense chemistry masked manipulation, and how the absence of relationship education in the 1990s left them navigating dangerous waters without a map. They unpack the psychology behind staying - how victims absorb blame, make excuses, and gradually accept increasingly problematic behavior as normal.
For anyone who has ever judged someone for not leaving, this episode provides crucial perspective. For those currently questioning their own relationships, it offers validation and recognition. And for everyone else, it serves as a reminder that abuse doesn't announce itself with violence - it sneaks in through charm, intensity, and moments of connection that make the red flags easier to dismiss.
The conversation beautifully illustrates how modern awareness around mental health and relationship dynamics provides tools previous generations lacked, while acknowledging there's still much work to be done in educating young people about healthy relationships. Listen as Emma Jean shares her story with courage and clarity, reminding us that understanding how people enter these relationships is the first step toward helping them find their way out.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 profile: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Emma Jean Rowin survived an abusive marriage that culminated in her ex-husband becoming an active shooter. Her powerful memoir "When Things Collapse" chronicles this journey, but more importantly, reveals the subtle pathway that led her there - the very pathway many dismiss with "I would never stay in an abusive relationship."
Through reading passages from her book, Emma Jean transports us to her college years when the relationship began. We witness the seemingly small moments that were actually major warning signs: a boyfriend who breaks up with her repeatedly as punishment for minor disagreements, who throws a full drink at her friend over a harmless joke, who creates emotional chaos that somehow felt like passion to a young woman whose own parents modeled a passionless marriage.
What makes this conversation particularly insightful is the exploration of why smart, capable people remain in toxic relationships. Both Emma Jean and host Ingrid reflect on how their family backgrounds created blind spots, how the intense chemistry masked manipulation, and how the absence of relationship education in the 1990s left them navigating dangerous waters without a map. They unpack the psychology behind staying - how victims absorb blame, make excuses, and gradually accept increasingly problematic behavior as normal.
For anyone who has ever judged someone for not leaving, this episode provides crucial perspective. For those currently questioning their own relationships, it offers validation and recognition. And for everyone else, it serves as a reminder that abuse doesn't announce itself with violence - it sneaks in through charm, intensity, and moments of connection that make the red flags easier to dismiss.
The conversation beautifully illustrates how modern awareness around mental health and relationship dynamics provides tools previous generations lacked, while acknowledging there's still much work to be done in educating young people about healthy relationships. Listen as Emma Jean shares her story with courage and clarity, reminding us that understanding how people enter these relationships is the first step toward helping them find their way out.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 profile: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Previous Episode
58-Navigating High-Conflict Co-Parenting With Marisol Vasquez: Tips for Success
Discover the art of thriving amidst the challenges of high-conflict co-parenting in this engaging episode featuring insights from Marisol, a co-parenting coach with firsthand experience. Uncover practical strategies for maintaining your identity as a parent while ensuring your kids have a balanced relationship with both parents. We delve into the importance of stepping back and letting kids navigate their time with their other parent, alongside the emotional hurdles that come with independence.
As we explore the fine line between emotional support and parental roles, Marisol encourages parents to prioritize self-worth and re-engage with their interests outside motherhood. Communicating effectively with an ex-partner is another essential aspect we cover, introducing techniques to reduce emotional upheaval during difficult discussions.
Finding a supportive community during these tough times can make all the difference; Marisol shares details about resources that uplift and empower single parents. Tune in to learn how to not just survive but flourish as a co-parent, reinforcing the message that you are not alone on this journey. Together, we can foster healthier relationships and, ultimately, a better environment for the children we love.
Marisol's Linktree: https://linktr.ee/marisolvasquez
Marisol's 1in3 profile: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/marisol-vasquez-ms/
https://marisolvasquezofficial.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marisolvasquezofficial/
https://www.instagram.com/marisolvasquezofficial/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/empoweredmomscircle
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Next Episode
60-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 2
When Emma Jean's young daughter offered to "act really cute" to prevent her father's rage, something profound shifted. In this raw, emotional conversation, Emma Jean reads a pivotal passage from her book, "When Things Collapse," revealing the exact moment she realized her children weren't just witnessing abuse—they were absorbing it as training for their future.
This powerful discussion dismantles the myth that staying "for the kids" benefits children in abusive households. Emma Jean shares how her daughter, now 21, demonstrates remarkable strength in relationships precisely because she witnessed her mother's courage in walking away. "That's the thing in my life I am the most proud of," Emma Jean confesses, noting that children who see their parents respect themselves learn to demand respect in their own lives.
We tackle difficult truths: the façade of an "intact family" shatters the moment abuse begins; children perceive tension regardless of parents' attempts to hide it; and perhaps most importantly—a good father simply does not abuse his children's mother. For listeners struggling with these decisions, Emma Jean offers a clarifying question: "What would you tell your daughter to do in this situation?"
The conversation acknowledges the very real dangers of leaving, with practical advice about timing, safety planning, and the emotional reality that many victims attempt to leave multiple times before making a final break. Through it all runs a thread of hope—that when parents find the courage to walk away from abuse, they give their children an invaluable gift: a model of self-respect that becomes internalized and "sealed in their fate" in the most positive way possible.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 bio: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
Link to “When Things Collapse”: https://a.co/d/8wTUZ1W
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
1 in 3 - 59-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 1
Transcript
Hi Warriors , welcome to 1 in 3 . I'm your host , ingrid . A comment I hear far too often is I would never be or stay in an abusive relationship , and while I truly hope that's the case , the reality is far more complex . Today , author Emma Jean Rowan reads a portion from her book when Things Collapse , followed by a discussion about the red flags we personally missed along the w
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