What Drives You with Kevin Miller

#974: If you’ve seen the Matrix you remember the spark of the entire movie, when Neo takes the blue pill and he ends up in the construct of what he’s shown is a made up world. Inside here he sees himself dressed a certain way and is told he’s seeing himself as his residual self-image. And there you go. We all have this image of ourselves we believe is simply who we are. It’s our default mode and this is where we generally live unless something significant happens in our lives. Victor Serebriakoff (Sara bria koff) was labeled a dunce at 16 by a teacher and lived the next decade or more believing this, until a job test showed he was a genius, so be believed that too and went on to have many patents and serve as president of the Mensa society. We tend to be what others have said we are and what we’ve agreed with. Unfortunately most of us will never have someone say we are a dunce or a genius and we’ll just go along being…whatever. It’s up to us to claim what we can be and start seeing ourselves differently. This was the message from my previous episode, #973, with Anthony Trucks, and in this episode Tom Ziglar and I talk through it. I actually asked our listeners this question, “Thinking of a primary goal or two you have...can you actually see yourself there? Can you envision yourself as the person in that new reality? Or are you just going after it anyway? Examples: Making that much money, owning and running a business owner, being at that weight, etc...?” This question got very few responses compared to the boatload we often receive. Why? I believe it’s because we don't’ take the time and give focus to our desires for progress, in regards to envisioning ourselves there. And thus we often don’t make…much progress. Thus, why we give it focus today.

We continue our series on Happierness which we kicked off with Atlantic columnist and Harvard Professor, Arthur Brooks. Arthur’s new book with Oprah Winfrey is called Build The Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier. This issue of happiness is significant to me for two reasons: 1) happiness is such a hot topic because we as a culture are not finding ourselves...happy, and 2) I feel we are mostly dealing with the symptoms regarding happiness and not the root issues. To dig further into what I feel are root issues, I have with me...Jared Angaza. Jared is a strategist, activist, and storyteller behind many influential brands and campaigns. And he’s my brother and business partner and someone who I ponder the topics of drive and motive and meaning with...a lot

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*This podcast is rated clean but the subject matter is adult themed and may not be suitable or relevant for children or those with fragile belief systems.

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In this episode I’m looking at a concept that may be far more effective for motivating us than goal setting. There was a study that showed 80% of people are more motivated by problem solving than goals. What is a problem to consider? Dying. Imagine if you knew you had one year to live? What would you want to do? What would you stop doing? What would matter and what would not? After my recent conversation with celebrated death doula, Alua Arthur, I’m looking at replacing my annual goal setting with annual death planning. Thinking about it honestly feels more orienting and motivating. And after the recent death of my father, it feels radically responsible to my family as well.

Hey, got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected]

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“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” It’s a pithy quote we often find on placards in gift shops. I have one on a pottery disc hanging by our kitchen sink. In reality we can always fail. So I came at it a different way and asked the Ziglar audience this question, “If you were offered a $50k grant to try something growth oriented in your personal or professional life, what would it be?” The attempt is the same, to remove reasons we have for not going after pursuits we desire. In episode 773 my guest was Jennifer Allwood, author of the new book, “Fear Is Not The Boss Of You.” I’ve mentioned before we received more positive feedback on this episode than any other for quite a while. I had Jennifer come back to talk through some of the wealth of dreams and aspirations people shared, which they would pursue if provided with not only $50k, but just an impetus to help take away some of the real and perceived obstacles, such as money, and fear. This is an incredible, live coaching session with Jennifer. And as you’ll hear us discuss in the show, you can check out her large coaching platform at https://creatorsinnercircle.com/

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I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com

Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].

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Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.

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