#155 How to Coach Your Own Child: An Excerpt from Every Moment Matters

02/23/20 • 54 min

This week, John will be reading a chapter from his new book Every Moment Matters on "How to Coach Your Own Child." It is estimated that over 80% of coaches at one time or another coach their own child, yet this unique dynamic is never discussed in coaching education classes, and rarely mentioned by Park and Recreation and Coachign Directors when they send their army of volunteer parents out to coach every season. Yet understanding the dynamic, and some essential do's and don't, can be critical to making sure that you have a successful season when coaching your own kids. After the chapter, John interviews Tara Bilanski, a former NCAA DI women's soccer at the University of Oregon and Portland State. Tara currently lives in Bend and coaches her own 13 year old daughter, and John and Tara discuss some of their own stories from the trenches of coaching their own children. As an FYI, we do plan to turn Every Moment Matters into an audio book soon, so stay tuned for the full book. We are also exploring whether to create a small booklet for park and recreation programs to distribute to their parent coaches so that they can learn about this unique dynamic. Highlights from the podcast:

How to be specific about what "hat" the parent-coach is wearing
What happens when we are overly-cautious about praising our child when they are on our team
How do we understand what our kid's goals are in sport?
What should you say to your kid that wants to do something that you as a parent know is not a smart path?
How important is it for parent coaches to understand that their kid will most likely face problems at school from other teammates?
How do you "just be a parent" when on the sideline and something negative happens?

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Downloadable transcripts of the podcasts, so you don't have to crash your car trying to take notes!
A monthly discussion with John, James, Jerry, and other special guests talking about the previous month's episodes and answering some of the FAQs we received that month
A code to get free access to our online course called "Coaching Mastery," usually a $97 course, but yours for free for becoming a patron.
Access to an online community of coaches like you who are dedicated listeners of the podcast, and will be able to answer your questions and share their coaching experiences.

Thank you for all your support these past two years, and a special big thank you to all of you who become part of our inner circle, our patrons, who will enable us to take our podcast to the next level. https://www.patreon.com/wayofchampions

How to be specific about what "hat" the parent-coach is wearing
What happens when we are overly-cautious about praising our child when they are on our team
How do we understand what our kid's goals are in sport?
What should you say to your kid that wants to do something that you as a parent know is not a smart path?
How important is it for parent coaches to understand that their kid will most likely face problems at school from other teammates?
How do you "just be a parent" when on the sideline and something negative happens?

Downloadable transcripts of the podcasts, so you don't have to crash your car trying to take notes!
A monthly discussion with John, James, Jerry, and other special guests talking about the previous month's episodes and answering some of the FAQs we received that month
A code to get free access to our online course called "Coaching Mastery," usually a $97 course, but yours for free for becoming a patron.
Access to an online community of coaches like you who are dedicated listeners of the podcast, and will be able to answer your questions and share their coaching experiences.

Previous Episode

#154 Raising Strong, Resilient Girls through Positive Psychology with author and coach Lani Silversides

This week on the Way of Champions Podcast we welcome, Lani Silversides. Lani is a former Division I athlete, current high school mathematics teacher, high school varsity and youth coach, sport psychology enthusiast, avid photographer and mother of two. We dive into transitioning from high school to college sports, the importance of understanding sport psychology as a coach, tips on coaching female athletes, and we also spend some time talking about her book, A Strong Girls' Guide to Being: Exercises and Inspiration for Becoming a Braver, Kinder, Healthier You Highlights from the Podcast:

Lani talks about playing multiple sports growing up
What was Lani’s biggest challenge when getting to collegiate athletics?
Lani describes her first head coaching position right out of school
How important is psychology education in coaching athletes?
Why it is okay to perform when you are not feeling your best
Lani talks about a life experience that tested her with the mental skills she was teaching
Why is the dropout rate for girls twice as high than for boys and how can we reverse this trend?
What inspired Lani to write her book A Strong Girls' Guide to Being: Exercises and Inspiration for Becoming a Braver, Kinder, Healthier You
What is the contagious of kindness?
Lani shares about SG ("Strong Girls") United Foundation

Lani is a member of the New England Basketball Hall of Fame. She is founder of My Strong is Beautiful and "Strong Girls", an after school program that teaches young girls the fundamental physical skills used in various sports and the life skills learned through athletics. She is also founder of Mindful Performance, LLC, a company with a mission to supply people with tools that promote greater well-being and thriving - in school, on the playing fields, and in their life as a whole. Lani is a member of the Association of Applied Sport Psychology (AASP), the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA), The International Positive Education Network, and Up2Us Sports. Resources mentioned:

A Strong Girls' Guide to Being: Exercises and Inspiration for Becoming a Braver, Kinder, Healthier You by Lani Silversides
I Changed My Body for My Sport. No Girl Should, by Lauren Fleshman
WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game by Abby Wambach
Choose to Matter: Being Courageously and Fabulously YOU by Julie Foudy
Every Moment Matters by John O'Sullivan
UNSTOPPABLE: A Mental Training Guide For Fueling Performance by Lani Silversides
My Strong is Beautiful: Empower. Inspire. Play. by Lani Silversides

Connect with Lani Silversides

Announcements 5th Annual Way of Champions Conference registration is open! We will be in Colorado Springs, CO June June 26-28. Click here for more information. Become a Podcast Champion ...and get FREE access to ALL of our online courses. We are now offering you the ability to contribute as a Podcast Champion, (https://www.patreon.com/wayofchampions) for as little as a cup of coffee per month (OK its a Venti Mocha), to help us up the ante and provide even better interviews, better sound, and an overall enhanced experience. Plus, as a $10 per month Podcast Super-Champion, you will have access to never before released and bonus material, including:

Downloadable transcripts of the podcasts, so you don't have to crash your car trying to take notes!
A monthly discussion with John, James, Jerry, and other special guests talking about the previous month's episodes and answering some of the FAQs we received that month
A code to get free access to our online course called "Coaching Mastery," usually a $97 course, but yours for free for becoming a patron.
Access to an online community of coaches like you who are dedicated listeners of the podcast, and wil...

Next Episode

#156 "Don't End Up a Flat Squirrel" with sport psychologist Dr. Tiff Jones

This week on the Way of Champions Podcast we welcome Dr. Tiffany (Tiff) Jones, a Certified Mental Performance Consultant (CMPC) who is on the United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee (USOPC) Sport Psychology Registry. With over 15 years of consulting experience, Dr. Tiff is the Founder of X-Factor Performance Consulting, specializing in mental skills training for athletes, teams, coaches, and corporations who are interested in reaching their excellence. Dr. Jones shares many great tips on how to be a better sports parent, why it is important to focus on relationship in coaching, and the number one hurdle athletes need to jump in order be successful. Highlights from the Podcast:

What is the biggest obstacle that holds athletes back?
How long does it take to learn a new mental skill?
What is mental toughness?
What are the best qualities a coach can develop to be better and more influential?
How important is relationship in coaching?
Why is athlete awareness so important?
How can taking an assessment help a team perform at a higher level?
Are kids looking for reasons why to get off their phone?
Dr. Jones explains a few sport psychology strategies
"The road of life is paved with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision."
Know your role, Parents.

Dr. Tiff was the consultant for the U20 USA Women’s National Soccer team in 2008 (World Cup Champions) and 2010. She also was the mental skills consultant in 2010 for the Women’s Professional Soccer League. Dr. Tiff has worked with D1, D2, D3 Universities and Colleges across the country including but not limited to North Carolina State University (NC State), Louisiana State University (LSU), Kennesaw State University, Penn State Women’s Soccer, and Lynchburg University. She was the primary consultant for Greg Norman’s Championship Golf Academy and for several New England Prep Schools. Currently Dr. Tiff consults with USA Ice Hockey, USA Swimming, University of Florida (Go Gators), University of Southern California (USC) Women’s Tennis, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, William Smith Athletics, Skidmore Athletics, Stevenson University, Meghan Klingenberg Soccer Camps, and True North Sports. Along with the National Programs and Universities, Dr. Tiff works with several professional athletes in a variety of sports and has become a consistent guest on CNN World Sports. Dr. Tiff is a former College soccer player, playing for the Hall of Fame Coach Alice Ann Wilber. She attended Springfield College receiving her Master’s and Doctorate, specializing in sport and performance psychology. Resources mentioned:

Athlete Assessments https://athleteassessments.com
Equilibria in Sports https://www.equilibriainsports.com
Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, by Alex Hutchinson

Connect with Dr. Tiff Jones

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-tiffany-r-jones-a827566/
Twitter https://twitter.com/DrTiffJones

5th Annual Way of Champions Conference registration is open! We will be in Colorado Springs, CO June June 26-28. Click here for more information. Help Support the Podcast! Become a Podcast Champion! ...and get FREE access to ALL of our online courses. We are now offering you the ability to contribute as a Podcast Champion, (https://www.patreon.com/wayofchampions) for as little as a cup of coffee per month (OK its a Venti Mocha), to help us up the ante and provide even better interviews, better sound, and an overall enhanced experience. Plus, as a $10 per month Podcast Super-Champion, you will have access to never before released and bonus material, including:

Downloadable transcripts of the podcasts, so you don't have to crash your car trying to take notes!
A monthly discussion with John, James, Jerry, and other special guests talking about the previous month's episodes and answering some of the FAQs we received that month
A code to get free access to our online course called "Coaching Mastery," usually a $97 course, but yours for free for becoming a patron.
Access to an online community of coaches like you who are dedicated listeners of the podcast, and will be able to answer your questions and share their coaching experiences.