19. Sober Sex, Dating & Sexuality with Tawny Lara

11/08/22 • 46 min

Are you allowing yourself to expand what pleasure means to you? In this episode, Tawny Lara shares the importance of intersectionality when it comes to sexuality and sobriety, and encourages you to be your own advocates for personal growth. She delves into her experiences with dating and sex after quitting drinking and highlights the value of self-discovery. Tawny explains why she believes that alcohol makes sex numbing instead of empowering, and breaks down great resources to explore your sexuality in more depth. Tune in and meet yourself in a whole new light!

Tawny Lara is an NYC-based millennial also known as The Sober Sexpert. She's writing a book called Dry Humping: a Guide to Booze-Free Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Quirk, Summer 2023). Her work is featured in Playboy, Men’s Health, Huffington Post, and two essay collections: Sex and the Single Woman (Harper Perennial 2022) and The Addiction Diaries (LaunchPad 2020). She's also the co-host of the Recovery Rocks podcast and story developer for the Webby-award-winning podcast, F*cking Sober.

Key Highlights:

[00:01 - 08:11] Opening Segment

• Tawny's background in sobriety, sober sex, and dating

• When Tawny decided to stop drinking

Her desire to focus on her writing career and connect with new people outside of the bar scene

[08:12 - 15:31] How to Date Yourself When You Quit Drinking

• How Tawny got sober and how it was a journey of self-discovery

• Why it is essential to date yourself and explore your sexuality while sober

• Why you should stay away from alcohol and dating during the first year of sobriety

[15:32 - 22:50] Alcohol Is Actually a Detriment to Sex

• Spending time alone figuring out your sexuality is crucial

• Alcohol makes sex less pleasurable and numbs senses

• There are many ways to learn about sexuality and connect with others without alcohol

Self-research, attending classes, and networking

[22:51 - 31:00] Sober Sex, Dating & Sexuality

• Check out Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman

• Tawny's experiences exploring sexuality as a sober woman

• How Tawny found courage in bisexuality

[31:01 - 38:41] Pleasure Doesn't Have to Mean Sex

• How pleasure can mean different things for different people

There are many places where you can find resources on sex and dating

• It is important to have fun when having sex

• Tawny's insights about using sex toys

[38:42 - 46:39] How to Expand Your Sexual horizons

• Getting sober and connecting with your mental health helps you explore sex & sexuality differently

You're capable of more than you thought possible

Want to connect with Tawny? Follow her on Instagram & TikTok. Visit her website to learn more about sobriety, sex, and rock n roll!

Key Quotes:

"You don't have to hit rock bottom to decide to stop drinking." - Tawny Lara

"The most important part of dating and sobriety is taking time to date yourself and get to know who you are." - Tawny Lara

Learn more by connecting with Amanda through Instagram or visit AmandaKuda.com

It's time to unbottle your potential. Apply to work with Amanda.

If you liked the show, please LEAVE A 5-STAR REVIEW, like, and subscribe through your favorite streaming platform!

Key Highlights:

[00:01 - 08:11] Opening Segment

• Tawny's background in sobriety, sober sex, and dating

• When Tawny decided to stop drinking

Her desire to focus on her writing career and connect with new people outside of the bar scene

[08:12 - 15:31] How to Date Yourself When You Quit Drinking

• How Tawny got sober and how it was a journey of self-discovery

• Why it is essential to date yourself and explore your sexuality while sober

• Why you should stay away from alcohol and dating during the first year of sobriety

[15:32 - 22:50] Alcohol Is Actually a Detriment to Sex

• Spending time alone figuring out your sexuality is crucial

• Alcohol makes sex less pleasurable and numbs senses

• There are many ways to learn about sexuality and connect with others without alcohol

Self-research, attending classes, and networking

[22:51 - 31:00] Sober Sex, Dating & Sexuality

• Check out Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman

• Tawny's experiences exploring sexuality as a sober woman

• How Tawny found courage in bisexuality

[31:01 - 38:41] Pleasure Doesn't Have to Mean Sex

• How pleasure can mean different things for different people

There are many places where you can find resources on sex and dating

• It is important to have fun when having sex

• Tawny's insights about using sex toys

[38:42 - 46:39] How to Expand Your Sexual horizons

• Getting sober and connecting with your mental health helps you explore sex & sexuality differently

You're capable of more than you thought possible

Want to connect with Tawny? Follow her on Instagram & TikTok. Visit her website to learn more about sobriety, sex, and rock n roll!

Key Quotes:

"You don't have to hit rock bottom to decide to stop drinking." - Tawny Lara

"The most important part of dating and sobriety is taking time to date yourself and get to know who you are." - Tawny Lara

Learn more by connecting with Amanda through Instagram or visit AmandaKuda.com

It's time to unbottle your potential. Apply to work with Amanda.

If you liked the show, please LEAVE A 5-STAR REVIEW, like, and subscribe through your favorite streaming platform!

Previous Episode

18. The Spiritual Consequences of Alcohol

Can sobriety and spirituality work together to create a life where you feel genuinely supported? In this episode, Amanda points out how drinking might be affecting your spiritual development and shares how she realized she was disconnected from her spiritual source. She explains how she shifted her mindset around alcohol and how it helped her manifest new opportunities and situations that would be a better fit for her. Amanda breaks down the main spiritual consequences of alcohol and discloses why sobriety and spirituality work together wonderfully. Listen and enjoy!

Key Highlights:

[00:01 - 06:11] Opening Segment

• The spiritual consequences of alcohol on a personal growth journey

• How alcohol quiets the voice of the inner guide

It's more challenging to connect with your intuition

[06:12 - 11:40] Alcohol & The Spiritual Consequences

• Alcohol amplifies the voice of the ego

• How alcohol dilutes your energetic gifts and makes you less powerful

Feeling sad, anxious, and depressed

• Alcohol can lead to feelings of emptiness or a lack of a psychological condition

[11:41 - 17:18] Aligning with What You Want

• Why alcohol hinders manifestation and how it changes your energetic frequency.

A low-vibrational substance and pull you away from your high-vibrational manifestations

• Alcohol opens leaks in your energetic and auric field

You open yourself up to collecting dark entities' energies

[17:19 - 23:13] Closing Segment

• How sobriety and spirituality can work together

When alcohol is in the picture, it can dull spiritual connection and support

Resources Mentioned:

Medium Article: The Spiritual Effects of Alcohol

Stop Drinking, Start Manifesting 7-Week Course

Key Quotes:

"Anything that affects you energetically is going to affect your ability to connect metaphysically, um, and really tap into that spiritual connection of your own understanding that is available to you all the time." - Amanda Kuda

"Manifestation isn't about getting what you want, it's about aligning with what you want." - Amanda Kuda

Learn more by connecting with Amanda through Instagram or visit AmandaKuda.com

It's time to unbottle your potential. Apply to work with Amanda.

If you liked the show, please LEAVE A 5-STAR REVIEW, like, and subscribe through your favorite streaming platform!

Next Episode

20. The Root of Why You Drink Alcohol

It's important to understand those core reasons you turn to alcohol every time. In this episode, Amanda delves into how most people try to quit drinking by abstaining for a certain period of time, or by trying different approaches such as moderation or clean living. Still, they relapse since they don't identify the root of why they drink. Amanda shares an exercise that is designed to help people identify the reasons why they drink and highlights how alcohol doesn't allow you to process your emotions properly. Let's dig into it!

Key Highlights:

[00:01 - 05:33] Opening Segment

• The key to breaking through to sobriety and living a better life

Understanding the root of why you drink alcohol

• Amanda shares an exercise that can help you identify the root reasons for drinking

• How to deal with underlying traumas that may be contributing to your drinking

[05:34 - 17:10] How to Use Alcohol to Become More of What You Believe

• Be honest with yourself about why you drink alcohol

Think about the social factors that are associated with it

• The ways that alcohol helps you to become more of and feel less of something

• Emotions can't be avoided or run from effectively; they must be processed

[17:11 - 27:12] Find a Coach to Help You Overcome Your BS

• The importance of having a coach or therapist to help you process your emotions and learn how to cope better

• Recognize when you are getting caught in your own BS and blind spots

• How coaching can help you overcome alcoholism

Reorient your skills so that you don't feel deficient or out of place in social or emotional situations

[27:13 - 30:26] Closing Segment

• Things are put in our paths for a reason, and all experiences are meant to be processed and felt

Stop denying your ability to process your emotions

Resources Mentioned:

Stop Drinking, Start Manifesting 7-Week Course

You Can Heal Your Life - Lousie Hay

Key Quotes:

"We don't want you to put on a facade, but we want to find a way of authentically relating to others in social situations that feels great for you." - Amanda Kuda

"You can avoid a lot of social situations, basically, but you can't effectively run from your emotions." - Amanda Kuda

"You to know that you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for." - Amanda Kuda

Learn more by connecting with Amanda through Instagram or visit AmandaKuda.com

It's time to unbottle your potential. Apply to work with Amanda.

If you liked the show, please LEAVE A 5-STAR REVIEW, like, and subscribe through your favorite streaming platform!