#45- A Hart of Gold
07/10/19 • 77 min
Alice & Yvette are joined by multi award winning veteran pornstar and cat lover, Lance Hart (@lancehartfetish). The MFF this week discuss sweets, cross over performers, industry testing, how he almost accidentally died on set, and dick injections. Don't forget to leave us a review!
Use code TGOM20 for 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com
Unknown Speaker 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls one mic the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mike where we couldn't afford getting sponsored by I can't believe it's not butter, but we did get Fuck off. It's not Manet's. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. And with me I have my fantastic co host you've had Don trauma David, how you doing today? I'm confused about where I'm supposed to put the mayonnaise. Is this an anal lube is this is this part of foreplay, I'm, I'm perturbed about why couldn't we get I can't believe it's not but why not butter? Why not just go straight for lard or coconut oil? No, no, I mean, it's kind of like when I get yogurt out of fridge and I hope these aren't Hornets or you know, I get the off brand version where it's like, oh fuck my ass, but that's good. peanut brittle. You know what you pick up at Trader Joe's right now I'm picturing eating peanut brittle off of a pussy but it's kind have like you know those little candies? You got off like the little button candies off of paper. It'd be like that like it's like a preset appetizer. Can I be honest? I never ate any of those candies. You know what you're not missing out. It's little dots of idiocy that just looked cute. This was not a good candy. We had some bad candies, kids, but they looked adorable enough to eat and I think that's what matters. Yeah, we were tricked into that one. We were tricked into wanting it. We were tricked into telling our parents to buy it and then we sat there going, this is fun. And while we ate paper, we ate sugar. We colored sugar i'd paper and we enjoyed it. So you kids with your iPhones and your better candy than us. You know what, fuck it. We got to run around outside and not have our childhoods on social media. So it was pretty cool. That's the one good thing where you know, we can't be held back from college because of our social media. You know, I'm just saying but we lived in fear of our quote, permanent record. So yeah, like there's shit that I just didn't do because I'm pretty sure that I was Like no matter what you said did something someone was going to find out like so I think that just kept me from not doing bad milk too much bad shit. I mean, the internet is definitely a permanent record nowadays, but I kind of want to go back to a candy jewelry. I mean, now I'm thinking about candy panties and the ones with hard candy. For who's the Woodchuck? Hmm, who can tear through those with their teeth? Not any dentist, whose dentures are possible most Chuck awful balls. That's Yeah, that's that's some inappropriate shit right there. That's not okay. I don't feel good about that. I'm going to need more therapy for that one. Sorry. It's just
Unknown Speaker 3:41 a blank childhood.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:43 Look, my childhood ruined my childhood. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 3:47 I do what I do. Well, you know, there's someone else we could ask for their opinion. And that is we're having an MFF today. I'm so excited. I think we need more of these in our life. I agree. And we're not only having it with Any ATM we're having a fantastic today. Oh, with Lance Hart. Oh, Lance, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. You just came from work. So thank you so much.
Lance Hart 4:11 Well, I was just downstairs in order didn't have to commute. So they're actually still the people that are paid to fuck each other today. They're still in my kitchen eating candy. Speaking of candy, we had
Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 to pay people to...
Alice & Yvette are joined by multi award winning veteran pornstar and cat lover, Lance Hart (@lancehartfetish). The MFF this week discuss sweets, cross over performers, industry testing, how he almost accidentally died on set, and dick injections. Don't forget to leave us a review!
Use code TGOM20 for 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com
Unknown Speaker 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls one mic the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mike where we couldn't afford getting sponsored by I can't believe it's not butter, but we did get Fuck off. It's not Manet's. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. And with me I have my fantastic co host you've had Don trauma David, how you doing today? I'm confused about where I'm supposed to put the mayonnaise. Is this an anal lube is this is this part of foreplay, I'm, I'm perturbed about why couldn't we get I can't believe it's not but why not butter? Why not just go straight for lard or coconut oil? No, no, I mean, it's kind of like when I get yogurt out of fridge and I hope these aren't Hornets or you know, I get the off brand version where it's like, oh fuck my ass, but that's good. peanut brittle. You know what you pick up at Trader Joe's right now I'm picturing eating peanut brittle off of a pussy but it's kind have like you know those little candies? You got off like the little button candies off of paper. It'd be like that like it's like a preset appetizer. Can I be honest? I never ate any of those candies. You know what you're not missing out. It's little dots of idiocy that just looked cute. This was not a good candy. We had some bad candies, kids, but they looked adorable enough to eat and I think that's what matters. Yeah, we were tricked into that one. We were tricked into wanting it. We were tricked into telling our parents to buy it and then we sat there going, this is fun. And while we ate paper, we ate sugar. We colored sugar i'd paper and we enjoyed it. So you kids with your iPhones and your better candy than us. You know what, fuck it. We got to run around outside and not have our childhoods on social media. So it was pretty cool. That's the one good thing where you know, we can't be held back from college because of our social media. You know, I'm just saying but we lived in fear of our quote, permanent record. So yeah, like there's shit that I just didn't do because I'm pretty sure that I was Like no matter what you said did something someone was going to find out like so I think that just kept me from not doing bad milk too much bad shit. I mean, the internet is definitely a permanent record nowadays, but I kind of want to go back to a candy jewelry. I mean, now I'm thinking about candy panties and the ones with hard candy. For who's the Woodchuck? Hmm, who can tear through those with their teeth? Not any dentist, whose dentures are possible most Chuck awful balls. That's Yeah, that's that's some inappropriate shit right there. That's not okay. I don't feel good about that. I'm going to need more therapy for that one. Sorry. It's just
Unknown Speaker 3:41 a blank childhood.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:43 Look, my childhood ruined my childhood. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 3:47 I do what I do. Well, you know, there's someone else we could ask for their opinion. And that is we're having an MFF today. I'm so excited. I think we need more of these in our life. I agree. And we're not only having it with Any ATM we're having a fantastic today. Oh, with Lance Hart. Oh, Lance, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. You just came from work. So thank you so much.
Lance Hart 4:11 Well, I was just downstairs in order didn't have to commute. So they're actually still the people that are paid to fuck each other today. They're still in my kitchen eating candy. Speaking of candy, we had
Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 to pay people to...
Previous Episode
#44- I'll Be In My Bunk
Alice & Yvette are joined this week with Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) & pornstar Riley Reyes (RileyReyXXX)! The threesome nerd out and get weird with porn horcruxes, consent culture in porn, ethical porn, clown orgies, bad sex advice, alternative sex toy stores, and a squirrel eating a taco shell in a tree.
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Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better
Unknown Speaker 0:08 approved and this one is definitely tested
Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers
Alice Vaughn 0:15 and the tea bags. You mean teabagging?
Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye?
Unknown Speaker 0:25 My husband's calls it It took a fucking village,
Yvette d'Entremont 0:28 a literal fucking village
Alice Vaughn 0:30 and well worth it because thanks to clone a Willie we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers
Yvette d'Entremont 0:36 and we can even make them buzz.
Alice Vaughn 0:39 No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership
Unknown Speaker 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice
Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Welcome to Two girls one Mike the porn cast where the orgasms are made up and the plot doesn't matter. I'm your co host Yvette Dr. Mon here is my lovely by vivacious rambunctious, hysterical. And did I mention she has a nice butt co host Alice Vaughn Ellis, how the fuck are you doing today?
Alice Vaughn 1:25 I am so disappointed in you. The plot doesn't matter. I'm sorry. You know,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:29 it doesn't. But that's why we can make fun of it. And it can still be a fantastic porn that gets you off.
Alice Vaughn 1:35 I feel like I don't know you anymore.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:39 Well, I mean, that was part of the premise of the podcast before we started doing this was you know, you can make fun of the science in a sci fi movie and you too bad you still get out of that movie, what you went in there for? And it's kind of same thing with a porn, or at least it used to be before we really started doing this podcast and now I'm like, No, I want the pot to be good.
Alice Vaughn 1:56 I mean, the problem is now that if the pot sucks, I can't get out. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 2:00 it's really sad now I'm like, really? Your entire plot was just step mother thinks step daughter's boyfriend is hot. Like that's your entire plot. Come on.
Alice Vaughn 2:10 Really? This is a fake cab you okay? You don't have Venmo you don't have PayPal. There is no other way we can pay for this transaction except tips. This is the only way
Yvette d'Entremont 2:20 to be fair. I've had some really dark times in New York, but that was before Venmo so I don't believe any of it now. So Riley What do you think? And actually, guys, we have a guest on the show today. We have a three way scissoring today, guys, it's gonna be very hot. I'm so excited. That sounds very complicated. You know, six legs shit can happen.
Alice Vaughn 2:40 Am I that flexible? Is the question. So we have on the show, performer and advocate vice president of APAC, the adult performer advocacy committee, Riley raise Riley, welcome
Riley Reyes 2:52 to the show. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Yvette d'Entremont 2:54 We're very happy to have you on with us.
Unknown Speaker 2:56 So question, is there a way to pay for it? taxicab other than money in tickets
Riley Reyes 3:02 other than money and tickets. I don't think so.
Unknown Speaker 3:05 There's so many other body parts
Riley Reyes 3:06 I feel like it's just money or sex. I guess you could give someone drugs or food depending on their motivation but probably not like a real cab probably just like some guy you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 3:18 feel like most regular cabs are going to be like now I want to cash Yeah, I feel like there are some that be like no my as much as I would love you to suck my dick like my boss is gonna kill me if I don't come back with this ride paid for. Who knows. I've also never had to, you know fuck a pizza delivery boy. But you know, then again, my husband used ...
Next Episode
#46- I Dream of Twinkie
Alice & Yvette list of advertisers they'll likely never work with, as well as a cardinal rule one Patreon broke. They also review "I Dream of Twinkie", where a scantily clad genie named Twinkie is rescued from his bottle and has three sex wishes to grant his new master. Become a Patreon!
Snag 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com with code: TGOM20
0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone a Willie we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
1:01 This is two girls one Mic. The show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
1:09 Cool Welcome to two girls one Mic the podcast that dares to ask if you give someone gonorrhea Who gave it to you. Is that considered a clap back? I'm your co host Alice Vaughn and with me I have my gorgeous stunning erotic sexy. co host diva john Trimont this Hi babe, how you doing event? You know what I've never dealt with some gonorrhea in my life. So I'm sitting here going I'm pondering the clapback gos city of returning it. You know what? Why not? Maybe that's the origin of the term. I feel like that's the only time you can or should give someone gonorrhea back is if they originally gave it to you. You're just re gifting an STD that's all you're doing. God an endorsement not an endorsement Don't do this. I mean, unless you know here's the in order to give it back to someone you need to sit down They're on that act of infection, knowing they've been treated for it. And like the process of this seems a little arduous just to get revenge like I'd rather I don't know what I'd rather do for revenge to someone who gave me an S like, it's not like someone gifted it to you. It's not like they were like here for Christmas. I thought you'd enjoy this. Like, it's often like somebody had no idea. microbes are sneaky, like, how does one gift that event? All I'm saying is this policy is so hot, it burns. I don't know. Think linger about that and call a hospital. If that does happen to you. I overthought that joke to death, I want to take out that entire section of me chewing the life out of that joke. That's not okay. And happens to the best of us. So, speaking of killing jokes, you know, so we started actually this podcast with an advertiser, but we realized, although quota Willie is an official sponsor of this podcast, There are so many that we probably will never be candidates for. Oh my god I've been joking for so long that like one day we're going to start it off with two girls one Mike the porn cast that still can't get a fucking callback from audible. It's we're the only ones we goddamn ones everyone on the planet has an audible subscription now to girls one Mike the podcast where we actually would give a reason for you to use Dollar Shave Club. Oh, I like it. Do you know anyone who's ever gotten Dollar Shave Club? Me? Do you like it? I do, actually. So but then I'll get it. I'm a lazy shopper. I think we should just run through all of them. stamps.com because they won't sponsor us. I have to actually put on some fucking pants and go to the post office stamps calm. The unofficial Strug meal of the United States. Samsung comm the unofficial drug meal of this podcast. I mean, we would never Oh, surely we wouldn't Well, you know, depends on the doctor. rug. Blue Apron, not a sponsor the show because clearly I still have to go to Trader Joe's. Blue Apron, not a sponsor of the show because we can fucking cook Blue Apron for when you need to directions and just can't Google Blue Apron the Born on third kit of cooking that will work for people who know baseball. Oh, okay, almost. Then there's third love third love because they know the kind of jokes that will make about them. We'll never get a sponsorship third love because I'm still shopping at Victoria's Secret. I don't know why. Third love because I feel like that name it would be false advertising to some of our listeners. Third love because that would be downsizing how many partners some of our listeners have third love because we need six love for dread.
4:54 Jesus Christ. Yeah, they're never enough dread jokes really aren't so speaking Things yo...
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