LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy & Parenting

11/01/22 • 79 min

LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy & Parenting

What does it actually mean to be an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist or parent? It may not be what you think. Today we’re honored to welcome Dr. Rebeks Clark Mane and Aba Horthy, highly trained therapists who specialize in this field as well as having their own lived experience as members of the community. The four of us explore this critically important topic with more depth and detail than we’ve ever gotten into before.

What if we lived in a world where the model of responding to coming out (from parents, therapists, and others) was not about how hard life would be as an LGBTQIA+ person, but rather normalized and celebrated the experience and the uniqueness of the individual? This is what Rebeks and Aba teach us about in new, eye-opening ways.

We know that outcomes are significantly more positive when LGBTQIA+ youth and adults are affirmed, encouraged, heard, seen, and believed. But what specifically does that look like? And, what might we be doing unknowingly that’s causing harm, even if we think we’re trying to be supportive?

Rebeks is a transmasculine nonbinary therapist who loves working with folx in the "gray spaces" of identity. Aba is a queer mixed nonbinary therapist passionate about helping clients find and express their authentic selves. Both are Associate Marriage and Family Therapists and LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapists.

Throughout our conversation, Rebeks, Aba, and Jackie share parts of their story, their relationship with their families before and after coming out, and the role affirmative therapy (and non-affirmative therapy) played in their journey. They also provide tips and advice for therapists and parents dealing with their kids' transition, how to support queer, nonbinary, and trans kids, and how to avoid disconfirming words and actions that can cause deep trauma.

We also discuss the BIPOC queer, trans, and nonbinary experience, the white supremacist roots of the binary approach to queer representation, the informed consent model for gender affirming surgery, letters needed for surgery and their purpose, the need for cisgender folks to listen and learn with an open mind, gender policing, gender gatekeeping, media representation, the recent episode of The Problem with Jon Stewart called The War Over Gender, and much more.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

What LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy is (3:54)

The current consent model for hormone therapy and surgery and the problems with it (7:07)

What parents can do when they’re struggling with their kids' transition (18:44)

Change in sexual orientation is entirely normal at any age and for any gender (21:12)

How to avoid the trauma of being disconfirmed for trans and nonbinary kids (30:40)

The damage gender reveal parties cause (43:32)

What trans, queer, and nonbinary people's mental health and suicide rates look like when they are surrounded by love and support (56:43)

Resources:

Horthy & Mane Therapy website

The Problem With John Stuart - The War Over Gender

Connect with Rebeks:

Connect with Aba:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy & Parenting

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

What LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy is (3:54)

The current consent model for hormone therapy and surgery and the problems with it (7:07)

What parents can do when they’re struggling with their kids' transition (18:44)

Change in sexual orientation is entirely normal at any age and for any gender (21:12)

How to avoid the trauma of being disconfirmed for trans and nonbinary kids (30:40)

The damage gender reveal parties cause (43:32)

What trans, queer, and nonbinary people's mental health and suicide rates look like when they are surrounded by love and support (56:43)

Resources:

Horthy & Mane Therapy website

The Problem With John Stuart - The War Over Gender

Connect with Rebeks:

Connect with Aba:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

Do We Cancel Transphobes?

While it’s popular in some circles to suggest that LGBTQ+ activists are “canceling” people for transphobic or homophobic comments and that being canceled can ruin someone's career, we have plenty of evidence to the contrary.

Jackie's grandfather, Bill, hosts today's show with us and brings a very interesting view on cancel culture. He invites us to reflect on what is hidden behind the idea of being canceled and its real-world consequences.

We go through several examples of blatantly transphobic public figures who faced criticism and seem to expect sympathy for supposedly being canceled as a result of their harmful, cruel remarks about the transgender community. Exploring the controversies surrounding people such as Brittany Aldean, J.K. Rowling, Dave Chapelle, or Ricky Gervais, raises the question: were they really canceled?

We also analyze social media's role in spreading misinformation and exacerbating hate speech, and we take an honest look at ourselves to think about the content we decide to consume or support. We’d like to debunk myths about what actually prevents people from being considered allies, and bring a deeper awareness to the true consequences of our words and actions.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

Bill's unique view on cancel culture and its effects (3:04)
Do canceled people get anything canceled at all? (6:44)
How semantics can totally distort the meaning of people's actions (8:04)
The role of social media algorithms in defining what is allowed to be on our timeline and what isn't (12:30)
Where and how we draw the line on the type of content we consume or decide to stop consuming (30:13)
How being canceled can actually be really good for business (41:35)

Connect with Jackie and Bridget:

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

LGBTQ+ Children's Book Authors

In today's episode, we are joined by Kathleen Latlip and C.K. Malone, two amazing authors who recently each published a book designed to help and educate kids in their gender identity journey.

Kathleen is a lifelong writer and editor who has worked as an Editor and/or Assistant Editor at Shondaland and ABC, Lionsgate, Marvel, Fox, Sony, Universal Pictures, and Grey's Anatomy, to name a few. She and her wife encourage their kids to fully express and be proud of their identities, whatever they might be, and however they may evolve. Kathleen recently published "Blink, Plue & Colorful You," a story of three monsters who realize their outside doesn't accurately communicate who they are on the inside.

C.K. is a bigender award-winning educator and coach. They are a secondary-level teacher who loves educating people, promoting awareness about LGBTQIA2+ acceptance, and supporting and advocating for the cause. They wrote and recently published "A Costume for Charlie," a book about a child seeking the perfect costume that would help them express their bigender identity.

Throughout this episode, our talented guests shared details of their books, what inspired them to create and share these unique stories, and what kind of feedback they’re receiving. They also described their experiences with editors and publishers, their passion for educating people on gender and sexuality, and how they see their work touching kids' and their parents' lives.

In addition, C.K. explains the difference between bigender and non-binary, they talk about their journey as a bigender person, and we discuss code-switching and the choice to present our identity in specific ways in certain places for safety.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

A bit about C.K and their life as an educator and coach (4:24)

Kathleen shares her backstory and what inspired her to write this book (7:12)

How these kinds of books can help children's gender identity journey (16:50)

C.K. shares details of their process of writing "A Costume for Charlie" (28:55)

C.K. explains the difference between bigender and non-binary (39:13)

Kathleen and C.K talk about what happens when sexuality and gender identity put our safety on the line (46:50)

Resources:

Kathleen Latlip - Blink, Plue & Colorful You: A Story about Gender Expression and Acceptance

C.K. Malone - A Costume for Charly

Connect with Kathleen:

website