How To Navigate Grief in Marriage | Laurie Lokey

10/23/24 • 39 min

Tragedies, losses, and uncertainties are all a part of life. Jesus promises tribulation to us. It’s not if but when. So, when tragedy strikes in your marriage, how do you cope? How do you navigate grieving with your spouse or how do you support your spouse when they’re experiencing grief? And where is God in the middle of grief? Marlee Arnold navigates this sensitive conversation with Laurie Lokey, a licensed professional counselor based out of Spring Hill, Tennessee.

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Time Stamps:

(2:40) Laurie’s background helping individuals and couples navigate grief

(7:55) How do you begin navigating a season of grief with your spouse

(11:00) How do you share with your spouse if you are experiencing grief differently than they are

(13:50) What is the next step to take when grieving if you realize you need more help

(18:35) How do you walk through a season of grief when you experience a miscarriage

(23:25) How and where do you see the character of God amidst grief

(29:54) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of grief

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Links:

John 16:33 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2016%3A33&version=ESV

Bill & Laurie Lokey https://billandlaurielokey.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep5.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

"How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Time Stamps:

(2:40) Laurie’s background helping individuals and couples navigate grief

(7:55) How do you begin navigating a season of grief with your spouse

(11:00) How do you share with your spouse if you are experiencing grief differently than they are

(13:50) What is the next step to take when grieving if you realize you need more help

(18:35) How do you walk through a season of grief when you experience a miscarriage

(23:25) How and where do you see the character of God amidst grief

(29:54) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of grief

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Links:

John 16:33 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2016%3A33&version=ESV

Bill & Laurie Lokey https://billandlaurielokey.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

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Relevant Resources:

"How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

Previous Episode

Making Your Marriage Fun Again!

It’s time to get up, get moving, and play with your spouse! What?! What does it mean to “play” as an adult? Isn’t that something kids do? Spoiler—play is not just for toddlers, elementary school kids, or even teenagers. Play is for adults, too, and it’s a healthy and vital part of your marriage relationship. Marlee Arnold is back with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Bradley Joseph, a team leader of facilitation at WinShape Foundation, aka an expert on play. Together, they talk about what playing looks like in a marriage context, what the benefits are, and personal examples as well as detail different play personalities. It’s a great conversation where you are certain to learn something new.

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Time Stamps:

(1:17) Introduction to Bradley Joseph and his role at the WinShape Foundation

(2:20) What we mean when we say at WinShape Marriage Retreats we bring experiential learning into our experiences

(8:30) What does “playing” in marriage look like; what are some examples

(11:48) The definition of play

(12:05) What are some benefits for your marriage of playing with your spouse

(16:24) Breaking down “play personalities”—collector

(19:53) Competitor

(21:47) Creator

(22:34) Director

(23:49) Explorer

(26:30) Joker

(27:00) Kinesthete

(27:38) Storyteller

(29:24) How can you engage with your spouse in play if you have different play personalities

(33:15) How to have time to have fun and play with your spouse

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Links:

National Institute for Play https://nifplay.org/

Play Personalities https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/

Identify Your Play Nature https://nifplay.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/take-your-play-history-2023.08.02.pdf

The Importance of Play in Couple Relationships https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/the-importance-of-play-in-couple-relationships

90 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

60 Free Printable Would You Rather Questions https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/free-printable-would-you-rather-questions/

“The Body Keeps the Score” https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Next Episode

Understanding the Honeymoon Phase and the Seven-Year Itch

What does the “honeymoon phase” mean? What about the “seven-year itch?” Do all couples experience them? Is there scientific evidence behind them, or are these made-up phrases? Rob Philo breaks down these two phrases and more with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Dr. David Banks, marriage author and speaker. Learn practical advice from two experts on how to navigate these seasons well with your spouse. And if you’ve surpassed the early years of marriage, don’t count this episode out—there are plenty of great reminders for having a healthy, thriving marriage for the long haul.

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

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Time Stamps:

(1:30) What does the “honeymoon phase” mean

(4:30) What is going on “chemically” in your body in the early years of marriage

(7:23) What to look out for when you’re approaching the two-year mark

(10:48) Strategies to maintain connection beyond the two-year mark

(15:35) Rhythms to set up to play again in your marriage

(22:50) Common myths newly married couples believe that aren’t true

(37:00) What does the “seven-year itch” mean

(41:56) Is the “seven-year itch” inevitable and what to look out for when you’re approaching the seven-year mark

(43:24) Advice for the couple experiencing the “seven-year itch”

(46:28) One piece of advice for any couple regardless how long they’ve been married