An Empty Nester’s Important Advice for Parents
05/08/24 • 30 min
Is it possible to thrive in your role as husband and wife and mom and dad?! We think so! It won’t come without its challenges, but choosing to prioritize your marriage will only benefit your kids. Whether you’re currently navigating the parenting season of life or you hope to be a parent one day, this episode encourages you and your spouse to step into your roles as mom and dad, establish a strong foundation for your children, and navigate times when you’re trying to make decisions and you can’t agree. Be encouraged by Julie Baumgardner, who is on the other side of this journey and has great insight and wisdom to share.
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Time Stamps:
(1:28) When you and your spouse have different ideas when it comes to parenting your children
(5:07) How to have conversations about parenting your children
(8:29) Navigating parenting conversations when there is tension between you and your spouse
(14:08) Is it OK to have conflict in front of your children?
(16:52) What are some ways to disciple your children?
(25:15) Thrive in your roles as mom and dad
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Links:
“Visionary Parenting,” Rob and Amy Reinow https://www.amazon.com/Visionary-Parenting-Capture-God-Sized-Vision/dp/0892655763
“How To Help Your Child Clean up Their Mental Mess,” Caroline Leaf https://www.amazon.com/Help-Child-Clean-Their-Mental/dp/0801093414
“Grace Based Parenting,” Tim Kimmel https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Based-Parenting-Your-Familiy/dp/0849905486
“Parenting,” Paul David Tripp https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Gospel-Principles-Radically-Change/dp/1433551934
“The 5 Love Languages of Children,” Gary Chapman https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Children-Secret-Effectively/dp/0802412858
“Boundaries With Kids,” Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157
“Parent Differently,” Kathy Koch https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Differently-Biblical-Character-Changes/dp/0802431186
“Habits of the Household,” Justin Whitmel Earley https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Household-Practicing-Everyday-Rhythms/dp/0310362938
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep8.pdf
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Relevant Resources:
“The Power of a Parent’s Words” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/the-power-of-a-parents-words/
“How To Explain God to a Child” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-explain-god-to-a-child/
“140 Free Printable Family Conversation Starters” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/family-conversation-starters/
Is it possible to thrive in your role as husband and wife and mom and dad?! We think so! It won’t come without its challenges, but choosing to prioritize your marriage will only benefit your kids. Whether you’re currently navigating the parenting season of life or you hope to be a parent one day, this episode encourages you and your spouse to step into your roles as mom and dad, establish a strong foundation for your children, and navigate times when you’re trying to make decisions and you can’t agree. Be encouraged by Julie Baumgardner, who is on the other side of this journey and has great insight and wisdom to share.
----------
Time Stamps:
(1:28) When you and your spouse have different ideas when it comes to parenting your children
(5:07) How to have conversations about parenting your children
(8:29) Navigating parenting conversations when there is tension between you and your spouse
(14:08) Is it OK to have conflict in front of your children?
(16:52) What are some ways to disciple your children?
(25:15) Thrive in your roles as mom and dad
----------
Links:
“Visionary Parenting,” Rob and Amy Reinow https://www.amazon.com/Visionary-Parenting-Capture-God-Sized-Vision/dp/0892655763
“How To Help Your Child Clean up Their Mental Mess,” Caroline Leaf https://www.amazon.com/Help-Child-Clean-Their-Mental/dp/0801093414
“Grace Based Parenting,” Tim Kimmel https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Based-Parenting-Your-Familiy/dp/0849905486
“Parenting,” Paul David Tripp https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Gospel-Principles-Radically-Change/dp/1433551934
“The 5 Love Languages of Children,” Gary Chapman https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Children-Secret-Effectively/dp/0802412858
“Boundaries With Kids,” Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157
“Parent Differently,” Kathy Koch https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Differently-Biblical-Character-Changes/dp/0802431186
“Habits of the Household,” Justin Whitmel Earley https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Household-Practicing-Everyday-Rhythms/dp/0310362938
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep8.pdf
----------
Relevant Resources:
“The Power of a Parent’s Words” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/the-power-of-a-parents-words/
“How To Explain God to a Child” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-explain-god-to-a-child/
“140 Free Printable Family Conversation Starters” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/family-conversation-starters/
Previous Episode
How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse
No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’d like to argue with my spouse today,” but all healthy marriages experience conflict. It's normal! So, how do you navigate conflict well and come to resolutions with your spouse without damaging your marriage? This episode isn’t meant to answer every question related to conflict, but it will begin unearthing the origins of conflict as well as the cycle of conflict aka the “fear dance.” How does conflict start? What are your “buttons,” and where do they come from? What should you do when you are aware your buttons are being pushed? Listen to this episode to learn more, so next time you and your spouse find yourself in a disagreement, you’ll have a broader understanding of what is happening.
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Time Stamps:
(1:02) Breaking down the structure of conflict aka the “fear dance”
(4:52) Understanding your “buttons” and what to do when they’re pushed
(7:50) If you react to your buttons being pushed, what’s next?
(14:20) Harsh start-up versus gentle start-up
(20:05) Is it OK to get a third party involved?
(21:43) Is it OK to agree to disagree?
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Links:
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep7-2.pdf
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Relevant Resources:
“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/
“Is It OK To Agree To Disagree With My Spouse?” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/is-it-ok-to-agree-to-disagree-with-my-spouse/
“How To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-stop-arguing-with-your-spouse/
“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/
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Relevant Episodes:
Ep 4 | Don’t Fall for These 7 Marriage Myths About Conflict https://youtu.be/tFQrzCRVH1E?si=1adlsOt9I_Bk8Arq
Next Episode
Answering Your Marriage Questions: Part 1
We’ve been asking you all season long to submit your marriage questions, and in episode nine, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo ask Julie Baumgardner to answer them. They discuss a variety of questions related to previous episodes such as, “What do healthy boundaries look like with in-laws from both perspectives?”, and, “Should spouses be best friends?”. There were too many to answer in one episode, so the Q&A will be released in two parts. In this episode, the WinShape Marriage team talks through finances, connectedness, and conflict. Listen to this conversation, and stay tuned for part two next week.
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Time Stamps:
(1:11) What do healthy boundaries with in-laws look like from both perspectives, the perspective of the couple and the perspective of both of their parents?
(6:48) My wife is a child of divorce, and this has developed insecurities in our marriage, specifically when we argue. How can I reassure her and help with those insecurities?
(11:26) How can you identify and address how you and your spouse’s family handled finances, and from there, how that affects finances in your marriage?
(16:05) What is the best way to love a spouse whose love language is receiving gifts but giving gifts is not always financially wise?
(18:55) What advice do you have for couples where one spouse places work and responsibilities as their main priority and doesn’t prioritize self-care and personal interests?
(22:23) Should spouses be “best friends,” or does that minimize the relationship?
(25:00) When talking through growth areas, what are ways to be sure you aren’t trying to change your spouse to be more like you and your personality?
(29:11) What are healthy ways to diffuse conflict over minuscule things? Can you talk about “nitpicking” and conflicts that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? How do you choose your battles?
(35:25) What are some ways to hold yourself accountable, so you refrain from using a harsh start-up?
(40:00) How should you respond to your spouse if they use a harsh start-up versus a gentle start-up?
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Links:
“Boundaries,” Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.drcloud.com/books/boundaries
“The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,” Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Landmark-Study/dp/0786886161
Money Habitudes https://www.moneyhabitudes.com/
The Love Language Quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
“The 5 Love Languages,” Gary Chapman https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep9.pdf
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Relevant Resources:
“How To Talk About Finances Before Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-talk-about-finances-before-marriage/
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