6 Common Traits of Couples Who Struggle | Scott Kedersha
12/04/24 • 38 min
Sometimes, it’s what you don’t do in your marriage that makes the biggest difference. Scott Kedersha, the marriage and family pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, joins Rob Philo on today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast to unpack six common characteristics he’s noticed in couples who struggle in their marriage. Don’t fret—he provides practical, biblical advice for counteracting these traits. Learn how isolation impacts your marriage, boredom is dangerous, and humility shifts conflict. Whether you desire to break out of a rut or you want to strengthen your marriage foundation, this episode is packed with actionable insights.
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Time Stamps:
(7:00) Neither spouse is pursuing Jesus
(13:14) They don’t know how to communicate or manage conflict
(17:18) They tend to find themselves isolated and absent from strong community
(21:13) They’re bored and tired
(27:31) They blame their spouse
(31:13) They’re not committed, and they look for a way out
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Links:
Common Characteristics Of Couples Who Struggle https://www.scottkedersha.com/blog-pages/common-characteristics-of-couples-who-struggle
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/
Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/12/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep11-1.pdf
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Relevant Resources:
“Let’s Talk Marriage Communication Exercises” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/lets-talk-marriage-communication-exercises/
“Seven Ideas: How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-ideas-how-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/
“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/
“Conflict Resolution Strategies” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conflict-resolution-strategies/
“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/
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Relevant Episodes:
How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdfGBQ-yU7s&t=337s
Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA
Sometimes, it’s what you don’t do in your marriage that makes the biggest difference. Scott Kedersha, the marriage and family pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, joins Rob Philo on today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast to unpack six common characteristics he’s noticed in couples who struggle in their marriage. Don’t fret—he provides practical, biblical advice for counteracting these traits. Learn how isolation impacts your marriage, boredom is dangerous, and humility shifts conflict. Whether you desire to break out of a rut or you want to strengthen your marriage foundation, this episode is packed with actionable insights.
----------
Time Stamps:
(7:00) Neither spouse is pursuing Jesus
(13:14) They don’t know how to communicate or manage conflict
(17:18) They tend to find themselves isolated and absent from strong community
(21:13) They’re bored and tired
(27:31) They blame their spouse
(31:13) They’re not committed, and they look for a way out
----------
Links:
Common Characteristics Of Couples Who Struggle https://www.scottkedersha.com/blog-pages/common-characteristics-of-couples-who-struggle
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/
Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/12/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep11-1.pdf
----------
Relevant Resources:
“Let’s Talk Marriage Communication Exercises” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/lets-talk-marriage-communication-exercises/
“Seven Ideas: How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-ideas-how-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/
“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/
“Conflict Resolution Strategies” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conflict-resolution-strategies/
“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/
----------
Relevant Episodes:
How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdfGBQ-yU7s&t=337s
Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA
Previous Episode
Building a Culture of Gratitude in Your Marriage
Happy Thanksgiving from WinShape Marriage! We know Thanksgiving is a day to reflect on gratitude, but gratitude extends far beyond one holiday in the calendar year. How can you and your spouse build a culture of gratitude in your marriage? Spoiler—saying, “Thank you,” is just the tip of the iceberg. Building a culture of appreciation affects your marriage positively in many ways. For example, it impacts your marriage when you’re experiencing a challenging season, and it rubs off on your kids and the culture of your family. Rob Philo sits down with Genee Francis, assistant director of content and programming at WinShape Marriage to unpack this timely topic!
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Time Stamps:
(2:06) What is the difference between saying, “Thank you,” and truly being grateful
(7:55) How can you tell yourself a better story about who you are/who your spouse is
(9:41) How can you practically be a better spouse when it comes to appreciation
(11:24) How can you set up a routine/system of showing gratitude
(15:32) The impact gratitude has when you and your spouse are experiencing a tough season
(19:30) What does it mean to model a culture of gratitude to your kids?
(21:53) Is it true that spouses receive appreciation in different ways?
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Links:
Creating and Sustaining a Culture of Appreciation in Difficult Times https://www.gottman.com/blog/creating-and-sustaining-a-culture-of-appreciation-in-difficult-times/
Share Fondness and Admiration https://www.gottman.com/blog/share-fondness-and-admiration/
Everyday Is a Day of Thanksgiving https://www.shazam.com/song/719632328/everyday-is-a-day-of-thanksgiving
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Thessalonians%205%3A16-18&version=ESV
Gratitude journal https://www.amazon.com/Intelligent-Change-Mindfulness-Reflection-Affirmations/dp/0991846206/
The 5 Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com/
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/
260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/
Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/11/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep10.pdf
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Relevant Episodes:
How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=131s
Next Episode
Getting on the Same Page at Christmas
Merry Christmas from WinShape Marriage! As joyous as the holiday season can be, we know that trying to align you and your spouse’s calendars with the calendars of your in-laws and extended family can be challenging and even cause some tension. On today’s Christmas themed episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo interview several WinShape Marriage friends to get their perspectives. Every family has their own established rhythms and traditions which is why we asked multiple spouses the same three questions to hear their unique responses. Learn how these spouses currently navigate conversations around holiday schedules (and how they’ve navigated discussions in the past) with one another and with their in-laws and extended families as well as their best piece of advice for couples of all ages when it comes to this hot topic.
Spoiler—there are several similar themes that emerge like:
—Talking about holiday schedules early
—Being flexible as you enter different seasons of marriage
—Remembering your spouse is your first priority
It’s likely most of you have already locked in your plans for the 2024 Christmas season—we get it. So, consider listening to this episode through the lens of, “How can we approach this conversation differently in 2025, especially if it didn’t go well this year?” Whatever you’ve already experienced this holiday season and considering the days leading up to Christmas, from all of us here at WinShape Marriage, we wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!
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Time Stamps:
(1:10) The Francis Family—Genee and Rashad Francis; Genee, Assistant Director of Content and Programming at WinShape Marriage
(11:52) The Agan Family—Bob and Suzanne Agan, WinShape Marriage Host Couple
(22:35) The Smalley Family—Dr. Greg (Erin) Smalley, Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family
(36:23) The Deagle Family—William and Jessica Deagle, WinShape Marriage Host Couple
(49:46) The Feldhahn Family—Shaunti (Jeff) Feldhahn, Social Researcher, Author, and Speaker
(58:26) The Arnold Family and The Philo Family—Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo
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Links:
WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/
WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/
WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/
260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/
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Relevant Resources:
“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/
“10 Tips to Foster Positive Communication at Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/10-tips-to-foster-positive-communication-at-christmas/
“How To Tell Your Parents You Won’t Be Home for Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-wont-be-home-for-christmas/
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