The United States of Air: a Satire

Chapter 27 98/100 -- LaOmelette Park. Foood! Foood! You're going to pay, alright. Kill me! Now's your chance! Real live scientists? It's their fault! The ferrners fault! I can get you off the hook. The holy of holies! Do you like ranch dressing? How dare you engage in favoritism. Wake up the Joint Chiefs of Stick. The Cupboard, too. A crisis. The plan. What's the point of having this superb nuclear arsenal you're always talking about if we can't use it? A secret weapon. You're our only hope, son.

Chapter 27 -- My trial lasted fifteen minutes. A bus ride. Welcome to the final stage of human evolution. Firewood? She spat and turned her back on me. The other prisoners avoided me. U-S-A! U-S-A! We're your slimming consultants! Aerobics time. I'm here to defend your freedom. Rat Boy! What do you think is wrong? There is no escape. Dime bag of flour. What's the matter, Thinny? Help! Somebody, please! Food terrist in our midst. In denial. A new school of thought. Now we've got to run. Go. The Prophet needs you.

Chapter 25 -- Come out with your hands on your belly. The Sushi Gang. Tastes better when they're sweaty, like salty popcorn! A crumbling supermarket. Escape? It's sushi time... An old friend returns. Get out of here. Go! What are you doing here? See the change you wish to be in the world!

Chapter 24 -- I went insane. I know that now. I woke to the sounds of laughter. Could I have some real food, please? To Agent Froleek! Heez first good meel een yeerz! If this is slavery, baby, I'm lovin' it. Could I get a doggie bag? Eez zees zee I-SEE-FAT hotline? I want to report a food terriste. I made a solemn vow then.

Chapter 13 -- A woolly mammoth? Newfangled nonsense. It's uncommon sense that got us into this mess in the first place. The control tower swayed from side to side. That tickles. Maybe I've put on a few pounds. Not my Congressional Medal of Air! I got it for killing defenceless women and children! I would have to resort to torture.