The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

One such action to take (amongst other Relapse Prevention Tools) is to write a "Goodbye Letter" after achieving one year sobriety anniversary. Personify Sex, Porn, Love Addiction as a real person with whom you have been in a real affair. Your partner has not had you 100% to themselves and has shared you with this other person.
In the letter addressed to Mrs Sex, Porn, Love addiction, tell the behaviour about the good times that you had together; how it was a friend when you needed her comfort. It was such an important friend. Then tell the behaviour how it did not tell you the entire truth and withheld some of the facts from you; that you have now found out the full truth and continue to discover more.
Mention the betrayal; how it caused you to keeping returning for more; but how it was increasing your SHAME (which caused you to stay hidden); how it played on NARCISSISTIC tendencies (which you denied as being any part of you and belonged to others); the DETTACMENT/ATTACHMENT issues experienced by you in relationships with others; the heartaches and casualties you have experienced; how you have ended the relationship.
Say "Goodbye"......forever.
Contact The Kairos Centre for a model template letter.
Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/
Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs)is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane
Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Inner Child Work |

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Shame is set up in childhood. Life is unfair. Yep.
The presence of shame is a particularly powerful driver for sexual addiction. Shame means “to hide” and is a hidden companion of Narcissism.
SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX ADDICTION

Shame is the painful feeling of being unacceptable. It is a feeling of being inferior. It is “a wound made from the inside by an unseen hand”. There is something about “Attachment” issues and what happened as a child with the main caregiver.

It comes from a core belief about self and a feeling (which is not necessarily true at all – but is believed and acted upon). Shame disrupts the natural functioning of the self. Shame emerges out of addiction. Shame causes addiction and compulsivity. It says: “I am not measuring up”.
There is a diminished self-concept; a lowering of one’s self worth. There is a difference between Guilt & Shame. Guilt says: “I made a mistake”. Shame says: “I am not measuring up; not good enough; not accepting of self; I am a mistake”.
Someone once said that shame is to sex addiction what oxygen is to fire. Shame is perhaps the most damaging consequence of sex addiction as it robs people of the power to seek the support and love of others that they so desperately need.
Shame can drive people further into their self-destructive behaviours as they increasingly feel this is all they deserve. Shame isolates and drives the behaviour deeper and deeper into secrecy. The antidote, is to come out of hiding - with some help - into the 'right' arena.
Do the SHIELDS Exercise with The Kairos Centre, to make SHAME visible and touchable.
Give a little to my fund raising page here, to help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre
Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.
Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

One such tool - is your Support Structure of people that you can call upon when triggered and the going is tough on a particular day - to get you through that day. Who is in your Inner circle of three close support contacts?
Don't go it alone. Don't be an island; "Shame" loves that and rubs its hands with glee - "Got ya".
Talk to the three. Tell them your needs. Get agreement to be there for you day and (night!). You will reciprocate in the future. Test the friendship and use it.
Then set about carving out one or two others from your Middle circle (who know nothing about the addiction) that you are lining up to replenish the Inner circle of three; in case one of the three can no longer fulfil that role. Fish and hunt for Middle circle friends from your existing social haunts, like the gym buddies, sports buddies, hobbies, clubs, church etc - places that you frequent on a weekly basis.
Be "purposeful & intentional" as you invest over time, to develop closer relationships with one or two middle circle acquaintances that eventually can be moved into the Inner circle. Got it?
The same then applies to the Outer circle infrequent acquaintances that you get ready to move into the Middle circle over time. Remember, no quick fixes; but it moves you out of the unhealthy associates that pull you back into the addiction. This is longer term work.
Want some help?

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/
Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs)is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane
Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Relapse Prevention |

Managing triggers is just one aspect of the recovery process. Not unique to sex/porn/love addiction; it manifests in many other trauma areas, such as childhood sexual abuse that keeps on keeping on being triggered in adulthood.
How did the triggers get set up. Childhood development holds the clues. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) may hold the keys.
Really? No way? Does it come with a guarantee - this EMDR stuff? What is it about? Go after the setting up of the addiction, rather than go straight to tools to first stop the behaviours. Give EMDR a try. It works!
Described as "Rewiring your life: A radical therapy based on eye movements can desensitise painful memories, heal hurts and aid transformation at warp speed". Here is a link:
https://aeon.co/essays/how-emdr-helps-to-reprocess-traumatic-memories-at-warp-speed.
The Kairos Centre use EMDR regularly with numerous clients with great outcomes.
Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/
Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs)is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane
Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing | Trauma Therapy | EMDR Techniques | Memory Processing | Cognitive Processing Therapy | Trauma Healing | Mental Health Therapy | Stress Reduction | Anxiety Relief | Therapeutic Interventions |

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
If you are not at "Action"; if you have been pushed, enticed, guilt tripped, coerced, under duress, pressurised, police involvement or legal process; partner threat to leave and take the children; such things are not necessarily good enough incentives to see you through a Recovery Programme in the longer term.
You must be at "Action" Stage, having got there because you see a need and desire has caught up. Know the Stages Of Change Cycle.
Get knowledge. Get understanding. Reclaim your life - sometimes for the first time.
The Kairos Centre Team can help and journey with you.
Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/
Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs)is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.
Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane
Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Inner Child Work | Boundary Setting | Trauma-Informed Care | Psychoeducation | Emotional Awareness | Interpersonal Skills | Communication Skills | Trust Building | Vulnerability | Assertiveness Training | Self-Esteem Building | Identity Formation | Self-Reflection | Problem-Solving Skills | Coping Strategies | Stress Management | Relaxation Techniques | Anger Management | Healthy Boundaries | Empathy Development | Self-Acceptance | Compassion |