The Rabbi and The Shrink

Why are we reluctant to "walk across the cafeteria" to start a conversation?
What is the soundtrack to your life?
Why don't books and history tell the whole story, and where should we turn to get it?
These and other critical questions for building a harmonious world are addressed when award-winning musician and race reconciliator Daryl Davis joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.
https://www.daryldavis.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/daryl-davis-5226b24/
1:00 Music is a bridge

The benefit of a global perspective

Legal desegregation took years to take effect

Attacked for being a Cub Scout?

Learning about racism at age 10

How can you hate me if you don’t know me?

7:30 Responding to injustice and hate with genuine curiosity

Breadth of experience provides perspective to moderate our responses

10:00 Books and histories did not explain hate

Meeting the head of the American Nazi Party as a high school student

The coming race war?

“Joining” the Nazi rally before the White House

The “rationalism” of white supremacy

18:00 What happens when whites become the minority in the U.S.?

What does the fear of that do to people?

Charleston, PIttsburgh, El Paso

22:30 A chance encounter with the KKK

Here was the answer to the question

28:00 We have to know who we are

Exposure to different cultures and ideologies make us broader

The five values all humans want:

Love, respect, to be heard, to be treated fairly, we want those values for our families

A missed opportunity for dialogue is a missed opportunity for conflict resolution

33:00 Meeting the Imperial Wizard of the KKK

The “noise”

We all feel fear of the unknown, we are all relieved when that fear is removed

We hate what we don’t understand because it frightens us

Awareness of our collective ignorance can bring us together

Education cures ignorance, which cures fear, which cures violence

48:00 What can we all do to transcend and eliminate hate?

Spend time listening to people to learn who they are

Debate doesn’t bring people together; getting to know one another as human beings does

53:45 Music contains the key

Harmony allows our differences to become a source of strength and unity

57:00 The word of the day: liminal

of, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a response

What if life had background music?

Any moment can offer the opportunity to change our lives and our world

Do you suffer from infobesity?

How do you make billions in 60 seconds?

How do you avoid becoming a bore, a snore, and a chore?

These and other urgent topics are addressed when Tongue-fu black belt Sam Horn joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://samhorn.com/

https://www.tonguefu.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/samhorn/

1:30 We want to do things worth doing

We succeed through community

Access to the successful is a shortcut to success

4:30 Ink it when you think it

If we don’t write down ideas when they enter our minds, we will lose them

Make your life your lab

You will make a difference in others’ lives

7:00 Ethics requires us to market the truth to benefit others

Be intriguing to get people on the hook

Infobesitiy vs. intrigue: a practical technique

Alliteration makes ideas memorable

Rhyme and rhythm

Crafting a message changes lives

14:00 tonality and musicality

Read out loud to self edit

Shift from undesirable to desirable

How can the study of ethics make us less ethical?

The qualities of E.T.H.I.C.S.

20:00 Our expertise is perceived by the clarity of our thoughts

How to not be a bore, snore, or chore

How to make billions in sixty seconds

The goal is to raise eyebrows

1. Ask three “did you know” questions
2. “Imagine this...”
3. You don’t have to imagine

30:00 Words matter; every one of them

Don’t yell at a barking dog

What words can we use to get the desired behavior?

Ask for what we want

Real life examples have power

35:00 Why was the woman crying on the beach?

Arrogance vs. offerings

We have a responsibility to share the wisdom of our experience

39:00 How Tom got to Mission Control

Recognizing our abilities and accomplishments does not make us un-humble

What’s the greatest gift you can give someone else?

45:00 The word of the day: inconcinnity

lack of proportion and congruity; inelegance.

The way we phrase and frame our message determines how it is received

Showing order emerging from chaos is the way we broaden thinking

46:30 Too many people believe that happiness is selfish

Finding our gifts is the purpose of life; giving away our gifts is the meaning of life

Don’t wait until there’s no time left to do what you want to do

Does lying ever serve a higher truth?

Why is it better to be a journeyist than a journalist?

Is marketing ever more than manipulation?

Learn the answer to these and other fascinating topics as the Rabbi and the Shrink discuss the interplay between fact and fiction with business presentation coach and storysailor Dave Bricker.

https://storysailing.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidbricker/

1:30 Do the stories we tell have to be 100% true?

Our job as storytellers is to transport the audience

Be a journeyist, not a journalist:

Your story is a metaphor to inspire and teach

The story vs. the meta-story

“Disbelieve everything I say; I am telling the truth.”

How much creative license are we allowed?

Life doesn’t unfold in a neat order

Blend details for narrative effect

Miracle -- a true story that embellishes facts

9:00 When is the truth not good enough?

Drama vs. documentary

Don’t we all have different versions of the truth, anyway?

You can end up being accurate but not interesting

14:00 At what point am I fabricating?

Should we be teaching children about Santa Claus?

The unpleasant history of our most enduring children’s story

19:00 The Hebrew words for truth and falsehood contain deeper meanings

“Distance yourself from a false word or thing”

When is it truthful to lie?

There’s more to truth than facts...

But now we can rationalize anything

How Aaron the High Priest brought people closer together

22:30 What’s the difference between a salesperson and a con artist?

One delivers on his or her promises

The difference between fooling people and delighting them

The psychology of marketing: service or manipulation?

Don’t I have a duty to convince others of the value I can provide them?

Does it matter what you bait the hook with?

28:00 Political and religious evangelism

Pushing vs. pulling in sales

If we don’t believe in ourselves or in those we serve, we resort to unethical tactics

33:00 Sometimes intention makes all the difference, sometimes no difference

That’s the grayness of ethics with which we have to grapple

Fictionalizing the truth?

Narrative vs. parable

Stories carry truth better than facts

39:00 Word of the day: Streeteries -- restaurants that move their establishment onto the street because of COVID

Words evolve as culture evolves

It’s important to preserve the integrity of language and thought while adapting to a changing world

Ethical principles don’t change but situations do, so we’re called on us to navigate the complexities of life by following our moral compass

42:00 Is it possible to stay neutral when telling a story?

Always take a position of service and promote transformation

43:30 James Thurbur’s retelling of Little Red Riding Hood

Classic stories evolve into classic spinoffs

The lessons keep giving

2:00 Assertiveness training doesn’t always teach that the rest of the world isn’t always assertive.

Choose your battles; don’t engage in conflict over little things, but save your conflict for substantive issues.

What we choose to say and do is the foundation of ethics.

3:30 Word of the day: Zeitgeber -- an environment cue that helps an organism regulate its metabolism.

We need to take cues from our environment so we can regulate our ethical metabolism.

5:00 Isn’t it unethical to never speak up?

Compliance can be the enemy of ethics if it becomes an excuse not to grapple with ethical decision making.

Constructive disagreement enables us to see an issue from all sides.

7:30 What makes us act unethically?

We human beings are in conflict with ourselves. The amygdala wants immediate gratification and the frontal lobe looks ahead for long term consequences.

11:30 How do we respond ethically to others’ misbehavior?

Situational ethics? The principles of ethics don’t change, but situations do.

14:30 Most people want to do the right thing. So what gets in the way?

We combat the Freudian id by asking what serves the greater good.

Kamikaze pilots believed they were serving the greater good. Did that make it so?

17:30 Is there a difference between morality and ethics?

Morality descends from a higher authority which is cultural.

Ethics emerges from a collective sensitivity for what’s right.

20:30 Golden rule vs. the platinum rule. Is it all about me?

24:00 Character traits are neither good nor bad; they all have good and bad applications.

Conflict is not bad if it is constructive, but enabling us to see both sides of an issue more clearly so we can better understand the whole picture and thereby make better decisions.

26:30 Anger turned inward produces violence. Anger is a gift when it invites you to pay attention.

If we’re so angry that we can’t take a sip of water without spilling it, we shouldn’t be having an argument.

We should ask ourselves with empathy: Why is this person angry? Did I contribute to their anger?

31:45 The sages compare anger to idolatry; they also teach the importance of timing.

If we can recognize the irony in the moment and laugh at ourselves, we can defuse the ange.

Hillel: Don’t do to others what is hateful in your eyes. Consider with empathy. 36:00 It’s an art to interpret words and circumstances in a way that brings us together.

39:00 What’s the difference between anger and aggression? This is the kind of question we need to ask ourselves.

Anger is an emotion; aggression is a behavior. Aggression can be good or bad; anger is always bad.

43:00 If your neighbor is using a leaf blower at 7:00 Sunday morning, is it acceptable to respond by blasting your stereo at 3:00 the next morning?

46:00 Responding to immorality from a loved one is very different from responding to a stranger or casual acquaintance.

48:00 Don't let the devil in the door. Protect yourself by protecting your own environment.

50:30 “I don’t understand” vs. “That makes no sense.” First look inside myself.

52:00 Fix yourself first. Set limits. Lay down ground rules. Ask “why are you mad?”

3-yes technique.

The more clearly we see our own perspective, the more passionate and single minded we become. It takes an act of will to look from a different perspective.

1:02:00 The steps to a good apology

What is the connection between ethics and civility?
Can democracy survive without a civil culture?
How do we balance insensitivity against hyper-sensitivity?
These and many other critical matters of human interaction are discussed in this week's episode with Chief Civility Officer Sejal Thakkar.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sejalthakkar/

1:00 Harassment and discrimination vs. civility

Evaluating and filtering our own behavior

What are our core values? What are the guidelines?

4:00 Internal vs. external behavior

A mindset of commitment to standards

Unclear definitions promote inappropriate behavior

Prevention vs. reaction

7:00 Checking boxes vs. addressing root causes

Over- vs. under-reaction

What can individuals do to improve a culture?

3 out of 4 people do not report cases of harassment

11:00 Have we overcorrected in promoting respect?

When leaders set an example of dignity and respect, openness and civility become more natural

15:00 How do we become conscious of unconscious bias?

Create a culture of awareness

Civility = civilization

19:00 Raise awareness so bias becomes conscious

Communication is the beginning of raised awareness

“Ouch!”

23:00 Compliance is the collective response that must be filtered through individual response

Thin-skinned vs. thick-sinned

25:00 Sometimes it’s best to let small affronts pass

When leaders and colleagues can be trusted to intervene, we all feel safer

29:30 Civility includes addressing every form of improper behavior

32:00 How do we manage different perceptions of civility based on personality types and culture

Authentic respect for others and willingness to engage in genuine discourse to find common ground

35:00 A smile and a flame are the only things you can give away without giving up

In healthy environments, we project positivity

38:00 “He stole my property, not my dignity or my manners”

40:00 Can democracy survive without civility?

Civility promotes creativity, productivity and, ultimately, profitability

43:00 Is cancel-culture out-of-control civility

Is shaming consistent with civility?

47:00 Word of the day: verbicide -- killing a word through misuse

Civility vs. political correctness

Political correctness become weaponized civility

51:00 How does a community handle the genuinely or maliciously hypersensitive?

Hiring and retaining the wrong people

58:00 We need more common sense, which is anything but common