TLP221: The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations

09/23/20 • 45 min

Kwame Christian, ESQ. is an attorney, meditator, and the author of the best selling book, Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life. His book is an Amazon Best-Seller and has helped countless individuals overcome the fear, anxiety, and emotion often associated with difficult conversations through a branded framework called Compassionate Curiosity. Kwame walks us through how to leverage emotions to effectively bridge the gap between negotiation and conflict. Kwame is also the host of the world’s most popular negotiation podcast, Negotiate Anything. Kwame’s TEDx talk, Finding Confidence in Conflict, was the most popular TEDx Talk on the topic of conflict in 2017, and has been viewed over 150,000 times.Kwame also serves as a negotiation and conflict resolution professor at The Ohio State University’s Moritz College of Law. The Dispute Resolution Program at Moritz is the top ranked dispute resolution program in the country. He is also a professor in Otterbein University’s MBA program. Prior to practicing business law and founding ANI, Kwame worked at the Kirwan Institute doing civil rights work. While at Kirwan, Kwame focused on criminal justice and health equity. Key Takeaways [4:25] When you travel abroad to new and exotic locations, it can really test your negotiation abilities as you haggle for items you want at the market. [8:45] Kwame’s book, Finding Confidence in Conflict, can be used in high-level stressful business negotiations as well as trying to communicate effectively with family. [10:05] Whether we like it or not, we are not thinking machines. We are feeling machines that happen to think. Emotions play a big part in everything we do. [11:25] Most times when people fail at negotiation, it’s because they didn’t address the underlying emotional issues. [14:10] The “natural” human doesn’t want to engage in conflict. [16:20] Conflicts break down because there’s a developed “me vs. you” narrative. [20:55] When addressing conflict or a difference in opinion, it’s important to first recognize the emotions in ourselves as well as the emotions in others. [25:35] Kwame shares his thoughts on diversity and inclusion and what we need to be doing better to bridge the gap. [27:15] Everyone needs time to process their emotions to effectively communicate what they’re feeling. However, men often do feel comfortable saying words like ‘disappointed’ or ‘sad.’ [29:15] Sometimes you need an outside perspective to help you dig deep within yourself in a way that you can’t do by yourself. This can be a trusted friend, coach, or therapist. [29:55] When it comes to the way women negotiate and the literature out there, Kwame recognizes we’re asking women to fend for themselves when we should all be advocating for them. [36:45] You’re not going to be able to overcome your own biases unless you have a bit of self-awareness, and take the time to create solutions for them. [43:25] Listener challenge: Use the Compassionate Curiosity Framework: Acknowledging and Validating Emotions. Getting Curious with Compassion. Engaging in Joint Problem Solving. Quotable Quotes “The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations.” “Our emotions are going to get the first shot of interpretation of anything.” “We’re working against our psychology when we just say, ‘I’m going to pretend I don’t have any emotions.’” “You can’t overcome a problem if you don’t know there’s a problem.” “Strengthen the foundation of your business by ensuring all employees feel heard, supported, and honored.” Resources Mentioned The Leadership Podcast is Sponsored by: Cultivate Grit. Amplify Action. Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. Click to get gritty! Free downloads of on Delegation, Time Management, Sales, and more.

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TLP220: Trust Your Instincts to Bring your WHY to Life

Jen believes every single person on the planet is capable of tapping into their creativity. She helps people trust their own instincts and find the courage to take action with authenticity and heart. Using her 20+ years of experience in the Broadway community and her background in the arts, Jen encourages creative thinking and imagination, so that others can cultivate new ideas and share them with the world. Jen and Simon Sinek united several years ago when Jen began using the Golden Circle to inspire artists to make a greater impact with their work. Jen and Simon recognized that their combined efforts could help people across many different industries discover their WHY and bring it to life. Jen presents WHY-inspired keynotes and workshops on leadership, communication, and presentation skills so that individuals and organizations can have more impact with their ideas. Key Takeaways [3:40] We all possess the power to be creative. It is a skillset anybody can learn. [9:25] Everyone should take an acting class because the basic principles of acting are the basic principles of living. [12:15] We can all get better at listening to the end of a sentence. [16:45] A lot of Jen’s clients have been with her for 15 years, so when COVID-19 hit, it didn’t make sense to close down the business for good. Instead, her team decided to pivot virtually. [19:00] When we lose social connection, we end up being in threat mode and all we care about is survival. [23:15] As an optimist on Simon Sinek’s team, Jen helps leaders develop their character through values-based ideas. [27:20] People’s greatest fear is often public speaking. However, the heart of this fear really is the opinions of others. [33:45] Actors work and develop their “characters.” Leaders and professionals can do the same to instill confidence and trust in the people they serve. [42:15] Listener challenge: Bring art into artless spaces. Quotable Quotes “Anything that can be interrupted doesn’t actually have a right answer.” Get better at listening to the end of a sentence “We talk about social distancing, but what we really need to do is rebrand that. It’s physical distancing, but we need to find ways to be socially close to each other.” “At the end of the day, it’s not about the speaker, it’s about the message.” “Working on your character is understanding that everything you do has storytelling value. People are creating narratives out of your behaviors all the time.” “We can work on our character and it doesn’t make us any less authentic. It gives us the opportunity we know we can be.” Resources Mentioned The Leadership Podcast is Sponsored by: Cultivate Grit. Amplify Action. Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. Click to get gritty! Free downloads of on Delegation, Time Management, Sales, and more.

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TLP222: How To Find Your Recovery Mode

Rich Diviney lives to discover, inspire, and accelerate the potential of human beings. As a Retired Navy SEAL Commander, he completed more than 13 overseas deployments. He also spearheaded the creation of a directorate that fused physical, mental, and emotional disciplines. In January 2021, Rich will release his first book, The Attributes: 25 Hidden Drivers of Optimal Performance. Rich breaks down how your average teams can become high-performing teams, the mental strategies we can use to overcome stressful situations, and why we need to screen for attributes, not necessarily skill sets. Rich also works with Simon Sinek to help leaders and organizations create environments where people feel valued and free to explore their potential. Key Takeaways [4:25] When RIch was tasked with creating resilience among SEAL Teams, he created the “Mind Gym” concept. [6:00] Rich believed that, through resiliency, you could label and reframe PTSD in a new way. [10:15] One of the ways we can take care of ourselves mentally is to slow down and to let our brains rest. Sleep is the #1 way to recover. [11:05] If you’re stressed out, turn off the news. It’s one of the primary sources of stress because they throw so many unknown variables at you. [14:25] Rich is not always striving for peak performance. Instead, he searches for optimal performance, which he defines as, “How can you do the very best you can in the moment with what you’ve got.” [17:25] Our attributes will tell us how we will perform when things go sideways. The good news is that we can develop our attributes. [21:55] Why does someone want to be in special operations forces? Rich believes that the reason is actually rooted in narcissism. We all want to be the best. We all want to prove we are the best. [24:15] Rich breaks drive down into five attributes: Self-efficacy. Discipline. Open-mindedness. Cunning. Narcissism. [27:15] The smaller the team or the smaller the organization, Rich doesn’t see the same “groupthink” traits as he does in larger organizations. He believes this is due to lack of structure and corporate refinement. [32:10] You are not allowed to designate yourself as a leader. Leadership is a behavior that others are drawn to. People choose to follow a leader. [37:55] It is completely possible to recharge our mental and physical wellbeing during a stressful situation. It can be through meditation, through a quick nap, or even a visualization of what makes you happy. [44:00] In high-performing teams, Leadership roles and responsibilities will change to different people based on their expertise or who might be closer to a situation at the time. Rich has seen that leadership is fluid and people, including leaders, will shift power roles to the one who is most capable given the situation. [44:35] Trust is the key element to any high-functioning and high-performing team. They lean on each other. [45:35] Listener challenge: Break some of the preconceived constraints and boundaries that have been built on your current team. Quotable Quotes “Resiliency doesn’t describe what high performers do. Resiliency by definition is the ability to get knocked off of baseline and get back to baseline.” “One of the ways we can all take care of ourselves mentally is to actively find ways to slow ourselves down and turn off the outside world.” “Things that bring you joy. Any time you engage in an activity that you feel more full after doing, you’re likely in recovery mode.” “What defines optimal performance — can you keep on moving and what are the attributes you bring to the table?” “If teams want to figure out how to manage in uncertainty, they need to look at attributes vs. just skill.” “We are biologically designed to want to stand out. Narcissism in small doses, the desire to be special, can be a very, very powerful driver in performance.” Resources Mentioned Rich’s website & upcoming book: The Leadership Podcast is Sponsored by: Cultivate Grit. Amplify Action. Investing in yourself isn’t selfish. Click to get gritty! Free downloads of on Delegation, Time Management, Sales, and more.